What is something you wish you knew before having a baby?

[El77]

...

1. Nothing is linear - I thought I’d have a newborn and every element of life would get easier from that stage. Nope. Some things get easier, others get more difficult. My 3 month old slept 6+ hours a night, at 16 months he doesn’t!

1. It’s okay if you don’t feel that rush of love when your baby is born - mine came gradually and beautifully over the weeks after he was born. Don’t put pressure on yourself.

1. Broken sleep might not end as soon as you think - I thought after a few months all babies slept though, I’m still waiting almost 1.5 years later!

1. Learn how to safely co sleep even if you never intend to do it - best to learn now just in case as it’s better to safely co sleep than fall asleep in a dangerous position with babe in your arms.

1. Things get easier sooner than you think - Everybody is different. But on the whole, the first few weeks are just so hugely life altering mind blowingly crazy, you’re learning how to be a parent to this tiny little human who you don’t know yet, and they don’t know you. There could be all sorts of stuff up in the air, feeding, colic, reflux. As a general rule, once you get to know each other, and settle into your chosen feeding method, any underlying issues are found, things do get easier. I personally found the first four weeks incredibly hard, but slowly things got gradually better after that.

That you can have a birth plan but your baby will have their own plan which will override yours.

Sleep when baby sleeps. House doesn’t need to be tidy and clean all the time but havinf a bit of extra sleep makes all the difference.

How hard teething is and first colds/coughs.

How hard breastfeeding is and that it is painful and requires lots of practice and stamina.

That breastfeeding, whilst being the most natural thing in the world, may not be the easiest to achieve for every woman. The amount I have beaten myself up over not being able to BF both babies sent me into severe post natal depression.

The effect it has on you physically and mentally. I knew nothing about PND which I struggled with. I was isolated as a new mother. Also, the effect it has physically (Gynae) issues. Also how nasty medical staff can be. Don't get me wrong, I love my family wholeheartedly but I felt ill prepared for motherhood and felt I was told very little. Very little information on Pelvic Floor , handed a leaflet and that was it. No one explained how important these exercises are for later Gynae health.

Babies can be wildly different in temperament and its nothing to do with your parenting. I had one baby that was a good sleeper, calm and easy going. My second baby never stopped crying and is almost 4 and has still never slept through the night. So don't fret too much about what everyone else's baby is doing.

If you're breastfeeding and have even one feed with a bad latch (which inevitably happens when you and the baby are getting the hang of it) your nipples may be sore for a few days. I kept getting told if it hurt I was doing it wrong, but no one could see anything wrong with my latch. I know now it was just that I had (very) tender nipples from an earlier bad feed.

That your waters don't break in a big 'whoosh' and then that's if, you keep on leaking water from then on. Honestly came as a complete shock to me.

I agree about the rush of love thing too. I felt really deprived of that amazing rush and really guilty for not feeling it and anxious about what it said about me as a mum. But over the weeks and months I fell so utterly and completely in love, I feel like I get that 'rush' every day now.

That you might never get to sleep past 6am again (sob)

Babies are born with temperaments and it isn’t a reflection on your parenting if they cry and fuss more than your sisters/friends/neighbours baby does.

If you somehow make it through the first 10-12 weeks of breastfeeding, chances are it’ll be okay.

Do whatever you need to do to survive sleep. If your baby will only nap in the sling/pushchair/your arms then embrace it and roll with it. Don’t waste time worrying about the future, try to just be present in the moment.

Witching hour(s) doesn’t last forever. You’ll be able to eat your dinner again with both hands instead of being fed it while bouncing a screaming baby on a yoga ball.

You will lose your identity, but try and allocate time to find it again, even if just getting your hair cut or doing a KIT morning at work.

Those envelope neck babygros are designed like that so that in the event of a poonami or just a baby that hates clothes being pulled up over its head, they can be pulled down over the shoulders one by one then down over the hips.

For me, it was that you’ll most likely lose your friends who don’t (or can’t) have children. But it’s worth it.

Ebay is your friend. Babies poo and puke on everything and grow at an insane rate so get their clothes second hand if you can. After the first time I spent £££ buying a new set of clothes I knew would only last 3 months I vowed to go second hand until they were old enough to complain. On the same topic, get mostly neutral stuff, then you can reuse it if you have a second baby no matter which sex you have.

That even if breastfeeding works the reality of being the only source of food for your baby who needs it (at best) every 2-3 hours is totally, totally shit. That's something they'd never tell you in antenatal class as they pile on the breast is best pressure.

I decided to think of all the night feedings as - up to 3am, it's just a late night & from 5am it's an early morning-helped me feel less depressed about so many wakenings. Try to sleep in the day when you can & if you know anyone who's a good cook ask them & offer to pay them, to cook up a few batches of curry/chilli/soup. Freeze & just heat with a micro pouch of rice-M&S pilau is really good.

Wish I'd known how relentless it is!

I wish I’d known that:

BF is not the be all and end all. You are not a terrible mother nor a failure if you can’t do it - happy mama = happy baby. Nobody cares how you fed your baby after the first year.

If you feel your temper rising, put baby somewhere safe and leave for a few minutes to collect yourself, calm down then get back to it.

You might not have a clue what you’re doing, but you are the expert about your own baby. Everyone will have opinions about this and that, you don’t have to do it.

Fuck the housework, you can’t do it all so don’t bother trying. Clean enough is good enough, it’s more important to try to sleep when baby sleeps. Which by the way, is the biggest load of bollocks I’ve ever heard. Used to drive me potty, the feeding schedule my DTs had naturally meant it only took one nappy explosion and that was me up until the next feed.

You don’t need all the expensive stuff the internet says you do. Baby baths are the most pointless invention ever unless you have a flat roof - they’re fabulous for catching water in if it leaks!

Enjoy the newborn stage as much as you can because it flies by. Being able to put a baby down and have it stay there is amazing. Take as many pictures and videos of your baby and you as you can.

If you hit a rough patch remember it’s just a phase, it shall pass.

Look after yourself. You do matter, you’re still a person and it’s not wrong to hand baby to your DP and escape for a few hours to just be.

SS do not want to take your baby just because you have PND. You are not a bad mother, or weak or pathetic, pregnancy and babies are hard, it’s a hormonal roller coaster and there’s no shame in needing some help. Speak to your GP, take the ads, do the counselling, nobody wants to take your baby from you, you are a fit mother.

That HV's have a little box to tick that says "advice given"
It doesn't matter if the "advice" is wrong
It doesn't matter if the "advice" leaves you confused and upset
It doesn't matter if the next HV tells you the complete opposite "advice"
It doesn't even matter if the "advice" contradicts what the specialist nurse has told you
So long as they tick the box 🙄

I wish I'd known just how many nappies I would go through 😂... just in the first weeks alone.

Also that I'd only see my HV 3 times in My life... I have 2 DC they will be 2&3 in December 😅

That I wished I’d given up on breastfeeding earlier. It wasn’t working and I spent a lot of time feeling depressed about it and missed out on time I could have spent being happy and cuddling my baby. They’re thriving now and nobody gives a crap how you feed them.

@scatterolight second this. The mental toll of ebf is massive and no one mentions it. Especially if they refuse bottles as many do if you try and introduce them later on. With my second I made sure she gets a Burke from less tab a week old.

Formula is great and it's fine to FF/combi-feed/whatever. My older child is now 4 and I promise I can't tell which of her nursery buddies were fed one way or the other.

Buy things second-hand, except car seats and mattresses. Babies and young kids use things for such a short time, that buying things new is nonsensical for the most part, if not financially then environmentally.

Fewer toys. You think they'll be happier with some new exciting thing but actually it just shrinks their attention span and leaves them whinging for the next shiny exciting thing.

That it's ok to not feel the rush of love your told about.

Actually sleep when the baby sleeps.

You'll loose friends.

Don't take people's advise/comments to heart.

Mothers instinct is an actually thing! Listen to it.

Whilst the night feeds break you, they'll never be that small again try and enjoy it more.

Don't be scared of baby crying whilst out.

White noise- instant baby quiet for us, and I'm happy to listen to it all night long (my mum can't stand it and asked when we plan to stop 😂)

Yesss! Another one!
Wish I used it sooner! I love it for both LO and me 😂

After birth, to raise your feet up on a stool so that your thighs parallel to the ground, when having a poo.

Massively reduces the risk of piles and fissures.
Made such a difference with my second.