Friend's constant bragging is leaving me feeling drained

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I've made a lovely group of mum friends in the local area who have been a brilliant support network during Covid and various lockdowns. We've been friends since our little ones were a few weeks old and now they are all just turning 2 years old. We are all first time mums but some have now had their second child since we met.

However, there's this one lady who constantly gets me down. Always bragging about what a genius her son is. It's not even true, most of the milestones he's achieved are average for example she tells everyone he was walking early when the truth is it was just after his first birthday. I'm not sure whether she genuinely thinks this is early.

She's read lots of parenting books and is constantly giving unwanted advice in a way that makes you feel guilty if you're not doing it her way - even though she's a first time mum just like the rest of us and really doesn't know any better.

My own DS has been consistently late in milestones and the last one in the group to hit them. I've constantly been anxious about this as I see other children hit milestones long before my son. The most recent being with them all turning 2 and chattering away but my son still not talking. (I've seen paediatricians who have reassured me he's just taking his time and we're starting speech therapy soon).

I feel like it's totally tone deaf that's this woman is constantly bragging how far ahead her son is in speech when my son is so clearly behind.

At times I wonder if I'm being too sensitive and should just be happy for her that he's doing well but I always feel super anxious after seeing her and even more worried about my son. None of the other mums make me feel this way even though their kids are all ahead of DS. I’m all for celebrating successes but it’s the way she does it that drains me. Even sometimes putting my son down eg saying to her son ‘Be kind to DS he doesn’t understand as much as you do’

I'm not sure what to do? I'm very non-confrontational and would struggle to tell her how she makes me feel. I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour. She's a single parent with no other family and no involvement from the dad so I feel bad not giving her support and friendship. I do appreciate this is why she feels the need to brag to other people as doesn’t have family to send videos etc to.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I would limit or stop seeing her, she won't get any better and probably she will get worse. Her comments will start to damage your ds as he begins to understand them, and dent his confidence.

I would only see her as part of the group, and minimise how much time you spend with her - avoid her as much as possible and sit with the other parents.

You can't change her, I wouldn't bother saying anything she won't understand and will be offended that you are not 'happy for her' and her ds.

Choose sensitive friends that care about you.

A friend of mine is an ex teacher. Primary. Lasted all of 3 years before giving it up over 10 years ago.

Has a 4 yo child. Convinced a private school to take him a year early at only 3, not 4 until November as he was too brainy to wait.

4 weeks into school term she put a cringe and nausea inducing post about her 3 yo on Facebook saying, he will be reading Harry Potter by 5pm and will be doing his gcses soon and presented him doing a PhD as a forgone conclusion, it is all because if her academic coaching approach to his toddler years.

When I'd stopped laughing and cringing and feeling sorry for her poor child, I thought let's just see shall we.

Just ignore the silly woman.

Your DS isn't behind, he is just doing things at a different pace. Ignore this women. That said I'd be telling her not to talk like that in front of my son because he can bloody understand everything she says.

I would distance myself from her and if I couldn’t as the same circle of friends I wouldn’t even reply when she bragged just leave a nice awkward silence she may think about it then. It sounds like that maybe the reason she has no friends or anyone.

She’s a nob and most likely deeply insecure to boot. Distance yourself.

I had a boasting friend. It drove me nuts. Especially when her DC started it too, telling me how much more beautiful and clever they were than my own DC. As time goes on it all becomes apparent who's gifted, who's spectacularly good looking and certain people end up looking a bit foolish. I think someone must have told my friend because she stopped doing it. She's a good friend now. So I'd be for having a gentle word with her. Something like there are no prizes for walking a week before somebody else!

I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour. She's a single parent with no other family and no involvement from the dad so I feel bad not giving her support and friendship

You are not responsible for her. She's making you feel like shit yet you're feeling guilty? The other mums have the right idea in ditching her. I suggest you do the same for the sake of your sanity. And I guarantee your Ds can understand every word he hears, but is just not ready to talk. So you can do without that smug bitch belittling him when he can hear her.

Just ignore and don’t loose touch with the others if you enjoy their company. She likely feels insecure.

All children do things at different rates and in their own time. We had a first time mum group and a couple of mums were in a rush for their children to hit milestones and bragged a little about it which sometimes upset me and at times I worried DS might never catch up. But I absolutely loved him to bits and I was enjoying having my long awaited baby too much to rush him onto the next stage. He shone at being contented loved his milk and then food and he was a good sleeper. I haven’t pushed him but I have always loved and encouraged him to be a good person and to do his best. He isn’t sporty but at 17 he is doing brilliant academically so I needn’t have worried.

Just do you OP its not a competition.

Definitely distance yourself & concentrate on friends that don't try to use you as an ego boost.
There's usually one in every group, don't feel guilty!!

Agreed with poster above, you don't have responsibility to stay friends with her just because other people found it easier than you to walk away. You don't have to give her support and friendship just because of her situation when she's unpleasant to be around.

You sound very kind and decent op.
I would just quietly keep away from her. There's a reason for this behaviour but it's quite insulting to you (asking her son to speak slowly as yours won't understand is rude and not on)

No wonder she's on her own with others avoiding her. You could say 'that's so rude' but I would just avoid her.

I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour

Why would you feel guilty?!

If you’re going to go through life putting up with rude horrible friends because you feel guilty, then you’re not going to be a very good role model for your kids!

There's one in every group. Just ignore her. All kids even out in the primary years.

I was going to say just ignore it until the comment about being nice to your son because he doesn’t understand as much. I’d tell exactly what a fucking bitch she is and never speak to her again. How fucking dare she.

Thank you so much for your kind responses. Sounds like my best bet is keeping my distance. The other ladies in the group are fantastic and so lovely to be around.

many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour.

This is everything you need to know imo.

My friend was like this, perfect child this perfect child that. He’s now 4 and has major behaviour problems…. And is far from perfect! She’s been a bit quieter the last year or so

I have a friend like this and it is completely draining but I try to remind myself that it must come from of place of insecurity. Didn’t help earlier though when she rang just to tell me that the school had asked her ds to stay on at school tomorrow after GCSE results to be photographed by the local paper as he has done so well 🙄!

@User5827372728 this lady's child doesn't have the best behaviour either.

@PenguinIce sometimes I think she's written a mental list of all the things she has to brag about so she can tell me all them when she sees me.

You're always going to come across a parent like this you know, no matter how old your DC gets. I would be civil when you run into her, but stop meeting up or contacting her. Still be her friend on Facebook, but unfollow. Etc. etc.

Never, ever spend time with people who only bring you down. Life is far too short for that. My grandmother always said, "Be very, very discriminating as to who you allow in your life." She was right and I have always followed her advice.

sometimes I think she's written a mental list of all the things she has to brag about so she can tell me all them when she sees me

You bet, lucky you!
She is running out of an audience, so you might have the added bonus of MORE time listening to it.

Do yourself and your child a favour and ditch.

I have had a “friend” similar to this and same as you, I felt guilty as she didn’t have many other friends. But as a PP mentioned, you are not responsible for her. Distance yourself because you are not getting anything out of this friendship and life is too short for people that make you feel shit!