Friend's constant bragging is leaving me feeling drained

[HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel]

I've made a lovely group of mum friends in the local area who have been a brilliant support network during Covid and various lockdowns. We've been friends since our little ones were a few weeks old and now they are all just turning 2 years old. We are all first time mums but some have now had their second child since we met.

However, there's this one lady who constantly gets me down. Always bragging about what a genius her son is. It's not even true, most of the milestones he's achieved are average for example she tells everyone he was walking early when the truth is it was just after his first birthday. I'm not sure whether she genuinely thinks this is early.

She's read lots of parenting books and is constantly giving unwanted advice in a way that makes you feel guilty if you're not doing it her way - even though she's a first time mum just like the rest of us and really doesn't know any better.

My own DS has been consistently late in milestones and the last one in the group to hit them. I've constantly been anxious about this as I see other children hit milestones long before my son. The most recent being with them all turning 2 and chattering away but my son still not talking. (I've seen paediatricians who have reassured me he's just taking his time and we're starting speech therapy soon).

I feel like it's totally tone deaf that's this woman is constantly bragging how far ahead her son is in speech when my son is so clearly behind.

At times I wonder if I'm being too sensitive and should just be happy for her that he's doing well but I always feel super anxious after seeing her and even more worried about my son. None of the other mums make me feel this way even though their kids are all ahead of DS. I’m all for celebrating successes but it’s the way she does it that drains me. Even sometimes putting my son down eg saying to her son ‘Be kind to DS he doesn’t understand as much as you do’

I'm not sure what to do? I'm very non-confrontational and would struggle to tell her how she makes me feel. I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour. She's a single parent with no other family and no involvement from the dad so I feel bad not giving her support and friendship. I do appreciate this is why she feels the need to brag to other people as doesn’t have family to send videos etc to.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

@Seesawmummadaw that made me chuckle!

All parents think their kids are the brightest/funniest etc its just most people don't say it out loud in public.Just roll your eyes and dont take any notice.

Utter cringe. By the time it really matters (teen years results etc) no decent parent shares such details

So you would never share your child’s gcse results etc

I don't think anyone ever asked me what my dc's GCSE results were.

Please ignore her she's an idiot, children develop at different times. Every mother thinks their child is the most beautiful/clever etc except most don't boast about it. I'm sure your DS is wonderful

Well exactly that would be weird and inappropriate

We have a nutter mum in our road who said there was no way her pfb (aged 2 at her time) could attend the local primary as they would not be able to deal with his sporting prowess. Us older mums with bog standard kids at said primary worked hard at not meeting each other’s eyes and laughing!

I would just stop seeing her, life’s too short for that nonsense. Failing that I’d start answering everything quite sharply.

So if she said ‘my son walked sooo early compared to yours,’ I’d gesture to both boys, both walking, and say ‘and yet it’s not noticeable is it.’

Or perhaps congratulate her every time, so ‘oh your son walked at 13 months? Wow, congratulations on growing leg muscles that took only 1 year to learn to walk, amazing.’

I genuinely think that you need to grow a very thick skin and ignore the bragger !!

We have one of these in our mum group and she used to do my head in 😂 always talking about how her kids are the greatest at everything.
Everyone just stopped replying to her comments about her kids in the group chat and would only reply to her if it was normal conversation.
She soon got the hint and stopped.

A friend of mine does this and it used to make me feel really cross/inadequate. But she is also really kind and quite funny, and so I stayed friends with her, and kept my distance.

As we became better friends, I realised that she is like this because her mother is so critical so she strives for perfection. And that it doesn't actually matter how brilliant she thinks her child is because mine is clearly better

And on the plus side I can always rely on her to know what is going on at school when I have missed an email.

I know of one like that, sadly people pander. I've came to the conclusion she does it because she's miserable.

Don't tolerate her out of guilt. These people always find someone nice to latch onto instead of realising their own behaviour is pushing people away.

We had one in primary like this. She lied about stuff all the time (test results).

Sorry pressed too soon. So it was hard to tell if she ever was telling the truth she talked so much rubbish.
I saw her recently, the girls are at different secondary schools now. She told me her daughters art teacher needed to think of harder work for her as she was so good. Okay…sure.

Your guilt is misplaced. There’s something about those early years hormones that makes us very vulnerable to guilt - presumably it’s to stop us walking out on our babies when things are difficult, but do watch it when you feel guilt cropping up in other situations like this.

If you really feel bad for her it would be kinder to take her aside and tell her straight that bragging about her baby’s milestones is not doing her any favours and she’s driving friends away.

But if you don’t feel you can do that, then I think you should prioritise your baby’s dm’s mental health and out a bit of distance in.

The only thing I wouldn’t ignore is if she makes remarks about your child not understanding as much as hers. Speech is no indication of comprehension! My 18 month old has relatively limited speech (albeit very normal in line with his age) but understands a lot. You don’t want her thinking she can talk about your child within earshot when he may well understand more than she thinks.

I’m not surprised you find this wearing. One of my friends has a little girl a couple of months younger than DC2. She’s a lovely person but gets very excited, shall we say, about how advanced her daughter is. She had 40 words at 12 months! (Not recognisable to anyone other than her parents.) They started toilet training her at one! They hope she’ll be out of nappies by the autumn! (I hope they don’t have carpets ).

I now have a hole in my tongue from biting it. I did point out, very gently, that she should be mentally prepared for BabyProdigy to still be in nappies at 18 months, if only at night….

@MsTSwift I wonder if these women can actually hear themselves

@Kanaloa thats a good one!!

@olidora63 some of the things she comes out with are just excruciating. When he her was about 22 months he had his language explosion (which I was dying to point out was very normal and happened to many children). But the worst was the humble bragging 'I wish he wasn't talking so much, he's not like a baby any more' hmm... so you'd rather be worried sick (like me) that he's not saying a word?

@PizzaPiePizzaPie cringe

@thelegohooverer thank you, that's good advice.

@WhatsTheTimeMrCat this lady was telling everyone her child was talking from eight months and I just thought - well how come no one ever hears it then? At about 22 months was when he genuinely starting talking a lot though just single words. Now at 2 years and 3 months he is talking in sentences (though she claims he started long before).

He also the oldest in the group so sometimes can appear more advanced (two months older than my DS) but there's a little girl for example who is four months younger and still yet to turn two who talks in more complex sentences than him.

[quote HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel]@readwhatiactuallysay oh no I never actually talked to her about it. But I imagine her reaction would be telling people how insecure I was and jealous of her over achieving son.[/quote]
Yeah its clear from this that its best if you part ways.
You obviously dont like her so don't put yourself or her through it.

If nobody has said anything to her about it, it could be worth one of you pointing it out gently? She might take it badly, yes, but she might also get your put in time to avoid losing friendships she probably really values. You might not be the right person to do this yourself, could you discuss with one of the others?