Friend's constant bragging is leaving me feeling drained

[HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel]

I've made a lovely group of mum friends in the local area who have been a brilliant support network during Covid and various lockdowns. We've been friends since our little ones were a few weeks old and now they are all just turning 2 years old. We are all first time mums but some have now had their second child since we met.

However, there's this one lady who constantly gets me down. Always bragging about what a genius her son is. It's not even true, most of the milestones he's achieved are average for example she tells everyone he was walking early when the truth is it was just after his first birthday. I'm not sure whether she genuinely thinks this is early.

She's read lots of parenting books and is constantly giving unwanted advice in a way that makes you feel guilty if you're not doing it her way - even though she's a first time mum just like the rest of us and really doesn't know any better.

My own DS has been consistently late in milestones and the last one in the group to hit them. I've constantly been anxious about this as I see other children hit milestones long before my son. The most recent being with them all turning 2 and chattering away but my son still not talking. (I've seen paediatricians who have reassured me he's just taking his time and we're starting speech therapy soon).

I feel like it's totally tone deaf that's this woman is constantly bragging how far ahead her son is in speech when my son is so clearly behind.

At times I wonder if I'm being too sensitive and should just be happy for her that he's doing well but I always feel super anxious after seeing her and even more worried about my son. None of the other mums make me feel this way even though their kids are all ahead of DS. I’m all for celebrating successes but it’s the way she does it that drains me. Even sometimes putting my son down eg saying to her son ‘Be kind to DS he doesn’t understand as much as you do’

I'm not sure what to do? I'm very non-confrontational and would struggle to tell her how she makes me feel. I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour. She's a single parent with no other family and no involvement from the dad so I feel bad not giving her support and friendship. I do appreciate this is why she feels the need to brag to other people as doesn’t have family to send videos etc to.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

She mentions your son being a late talker; response oh yes he's following the Einstein example. (He was reportedly a late talker ). My dc is so advanced he's doing x or y. Possible responses.
It's fascinating how they're all so different isn't it. Just like us mums.
I guess some people are talkers and others are very people orientated and make good listeners.
Im glad it's not a competition or I might feel I had to try and push him through each milestone asap rather than taking time to enjoy him.
It's great he's doing do well but it must be hard seeing him race through babyhood so fast. Before you know it he'll be off to nursery/school and all these firsts will just be a memory. Etc.

There's one in every group op I just avoid these types there very insecure and care what other think too much .

Don’t worry about your son. My eldest didn’t utter a single word until he was 2.5. Like not even mama and dada, the only sound he made was ‘ugh’
Then when he did start talking he bypassed the baby babble stage and with a little bit of speech therapy he was fine.
(And he had the reading age of 14 when he was 4, I’m only mentioning it because your son might be thesame - a little sponge soaking everything up until he’s ready, so not necessarily behind but just taking it all in first)

She is one of those. Best avoided at all costs.

I feel for her as it's quite obviously from a place of insecurity, but people who make you feel like shit (and especially who could realise, with very little additional thought, that they're making you feel like shit) are not friends. And you don't have to be someone's friend just because they've driven away everyone else!!

Comparison is the thief of joy. Sometimes it's impossible not to compare and worry, but you can definitely avoid people who push comparison at every turn.

I don’t know why some people compare so much when it comes to babies! It’s infuriating, the amount of people that say things are advanced or whatever and they’re not.. just average. My own family do it all the time to, specific members are awful for it. I just keep repeating, no it’s about right for this age.

Whatever the hell was wrong with average anyway?!

What did she say when you talked to her about it?

She may be being a nob, but also if she has noone else to talk to, like family or support, she may just need you to have a chat with her.

I personally wouldn't cut her off, knowing she has noone else without at least taking to her about the issues first

My DS (first DC) was a late talker, and although I had a solid gut sense that he was just fine and there wasn’t any issue, I used to come away feeling a bit similar to you OP, when I caught up with my best friend.

Not because she was anything like this ‘friend’ you describe - she absolutely wasn’t. But her DD, who was only three weeks older than my DS, seemed to be light years ahead in her milestones.

They’re nearly 13 now, and let’s just say it’s all evened out in the wash.

" I've tried to see her less but I feel guilty as many of the other mums have stopped being friends with her due to her behaviour."
Rather than feel guilty, I think you should be following their lead.

"She's a single parent with no other family and no involvement from the dad so I feel bad not giving her support and friendship. I do appreciate this is why she feels the need to brag to other people as doesn’t have family to send videos etc to."
She is not your responsibility. Seriously, she really isn't. You are under no obligation to provide her with support and friendship, and it is testament to how kind you are that you do so, even though it is proving detrimental to you.

She drains you. Withdraw from that and nurture yourself and your son, and your lovely mutually supportive friendships.

I had a mum like this, she was extra insensitive as mine had 3 major surgeries in the first 12 months.
I look back and think why was she like this? She knew my daughter had major issues going on, what sort of person boasts about how advanced their baby is to another that has major surgery so many times!
Sadly she moved back to Australia and I never saw her again.

Just say:

"let's hope he is not as insensitive and tone deaf as his mother when he grows up".

We had one like this in our group. Her daughter turned into a biter (so bad she was nearly kicked out of the nursery as no intervention me worked).

We were able to laugh about her various boasts, but if that’s not an option just stop seeing her :)

@ActonSquirrel in a conversation about local schools she claimed that her son would win a swimming scholarship to a local prestigious private school. I couldn't believe no one reminded her he was only two!

@Ionlydomassiveones this is so true and really puts things into perspective

@NellWilsonsWhiteHair definitely insecurity

@readwhatiactuallysay oh no I never actually talked to her about it. But I imagine her reaction would be telling people how insecure I was and jealous of her over achieving son.

[quote HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel]@ActonSquirrel in a conversation about local schools she claimed that her son would win a swimming scholarship to a local prestigious private school. I couldn't believe no one reminded her he was only two![/quote]
It's just fantasy. They can't surely believe it.

My friend I've distanced myself from was saying her 3 yo would be reading Harry Potter by 5pm that day as he was so advanced.

@Petrarkanian I'm sorry you had to go through that.

There's ALWAYS one!

The swimming scholarship anecdote is hilarious. He is only two! Wtf?

I wouldn't talk to her about it, as you say she would cite jealousy, just phase her out like your other friends are, maybe see her less often? Just ignore her bragging, it's making her sound like an idiot, and don't let her get to you. Don't feel bad if she has no one else, it sounds like she pushes everyone away with the bragging.

Don't worry too much about the speech delay, they are all different and reach their milestones are different times. One of mine was a late walker, I kept an eye on them but didn't worry. They did it in their own time.

Usually people like that are actually insecure about the thing they're bragging about. They get mentionitis.

I free up with a girl (she was best friend for many years) who parents were always going on about how she was the first to start to walk, first to do such and such and once we were in school first to get grade x ballet ect ect. She was going on to dogreat things was going good be prima ballet dancer at the Royal ballet school then a top lawyer.

Of course she was first in our year for ballet grades as she was born on the 2 September so was eligible to take them first. Yes she was good at ballet but not OMG wow good.

She failed her A levels and had to re-take them. She was pregnant before her results of the re-take were out.

I genuinely hope she is happy (we aren't close anymore) but she isn't prima ballerina or the top lawyer or an amazing surgeon which her parents always claimed she would be. Her parents also always locked down on the rest of us because we were so great.

Last line should have been weren't as great as her/their daughter.

They also once described me as 'dragging her down and holding her back'

Tell her all about your friend who brags constantly about her child and how awful she is.

@HappyWinter I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

My boy was a late walker but like with everything, he got there!