Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I don't love my baby

85 replies

SlovenlyUnwedMother · 07/08/2021 15:43

My baby is 8 days old and I feel absolutely nothing towards him. I had a difficult birth that's left me with an infected episiotomy so I'm in a lot of pain and I gave up on breastfeeding after just a few days. I feel like such a failure as a mum already and so guilty for not being able to bond with him. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and not enjoying any of it. I knew it would be hard but there haven't been any special moments at all. My midwife told me to speak to my GP who has prescribed antidepressants but I can't believe I'm already at that stage so soon after giving birth. How can I bond with him? Is it normal to just not love him at all?

OP posts:

duvetdayforeveryone · 02/01/2022 20:47

I promise you are in no way failing your child. Having and looking after a baby is a difficult learning curve that is exhausting and stressful. Be kind to yourself. It will get better.

duvetdayforeveryone · 02/01/2022 20:48

Sorry, I didn't read the update

makinganavalon · 02/01/2022 20:52

I've just had a look at the date on a picture that I took on the first day I felt like my daughter was my daughter and I had bonded with her and it was later than day 8, I won't say when as everyone's different, but I do know that hormones take a while to settle down and it takes time to recover from the birth. Please don't feel like a failure because you are nota failure. Bonding takes time and mothers and babies need time to rest and recover from a huge ordeal (because birth is a huge ordeal)
You will get there xxx

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Antenatal & postnatal Babies & sleep Families

makinganavalon · 02/01/2022 20:53

Didn't read the lovely update either!!
So happy for you xx

Magenta82 · 02/01/2022 20:53

I had a pretty traumatic birth ending in a cesarean it is hard to know what I felt after that.

I don't remember the rush of love coming the first time I held my baby. I felt so guilty about that. To be honest babies are fairly boring for the first month or so, you get stressed about looking after them and you don't get anything back.

But now that rush of love comes every time she smiles at me. I love her so much I could cry when she coos and smiles.

You are not alone and you are totally normal x

MrBoldwood · 02/01/2022 21:03

Don’t feel pressured to ‘feel’ anything - your body is still all over the place. Just try and let things unfold, once you’re starting to feel more normal again then you can start really getting to know and love the amazing little human you’ve created.

sqirrelfriends · 02/01/2022 21:11

I'm so glad you're feeling better OP! The early days are hell, even without an infection.

Abee89 · 13/04/2024 20:42

ElspethFlashman · 07/08/2021 16:53

I'll go one better - I didn't love my baby for 12 months.

Oh I was a good mother, but a robotic one. Robot Mum, that was me. To the outside I looked fine. Inside it was like I was babysitting someone else's child.

I finally plucked up the courage to go to the GP.

I was put on tablets immediately.

It wasn't overnight, it took a few months, but eventually the love came. Without the tablets that wouldn't have happened.

So yes, if you are being offered antidepressants, take them. Someone is throwing you a rope - grab it!

Hi I’m 10 weeks in a feeling this way, would you mind me asking what anti depressants you took?

Lynnestevens · 13/04/2024 21:54

I didnt get a chance to read all the posts but OP you're not alone, for a lot of people this instantaneous love doesn't happen. I had a difficult labour also and found the first few weeks difficult and tiring, the love will come, looks after yourself

Aisah · 13/04/2024 22:22

I had a terrible pregnancy with my first and when she was born i didnt want to hold her. I suffered from PND and i just couldnt bond. It took me months to form a proper bond. There is no magical feeling! But with support from the people that loved me, as she grew, we grew as a family and i finally bonded with her.

Be kind to yourself and take time to heal and everything else will follow.

Flip

1 2 3 4