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Is anyone awake? Please help

96 replies

SleepyMamm · 07/08/2021 04:49

Toddler kept climbing then falling out of cot. Transitioning to a toddler bed. Put him to bed at 7, slept until 2 and for the last two hours and 47 mins I have l been lying him back in bed every 3 seconds. It's a battle of the wills and he just isn't giving in. Everything online says just keep putting them back and eventually they'll give up but he isn't. What do I do? Do I just do this until 7am!?! Sad

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Fairunibutterfly · 07/08/2021 23:03

Would a cot bed or bed guards help?

Seiheiki · 07/08/2021 23:05

Jusst sending some support to you op. Hoping you get a much better night tonight.

KingdomScrolls · 07/08/2021 23:15

How much does he understand? A groclock worked a treat for DS, he'd say goodnight to the sunshine and goodnight to the star, and we said if he got up he'd wake them up, if the sun was shining on his clock it was wake up time. We also kept him in grobags until he grew out of them at nearly 2.5 as it stopped him roaming as much. We leave his door ajar now and almost all of the time he sleeps through, every now and then especially if he's been poorly he'll climb in with us in the night. It's less jarring than waking up to a screaming child and he generally gets in and goes to sleep. We have a superking size bed so there's plenty of room for us all. The problem is at the moment for your DS it's a battle and his new bedroom is a scary place for him.

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Kona84 · 07/08/2021 23:27

Hope you have a better night tonight.
Wonder if baby massage might help maybe if he is having growth spurts- restless legs etc

Sleepthieved · 07/08/2021 23:53

Mine is pretty much the same age, never a great sleeper, but from 7 months on we started co sleeping. It was the only way for any of us to get any sleep at all, and it was clearly what he needed. They're wired to need safety and connection and that was the game changer for us. By that point I'd worked 50 hour weeks for 3 months on an hours sleep each night.

Fast forward two years, and he starts the night in in own bed, he's been in a proper single bed since he could walk and climb at 10 months- but he never ever slept more than an hour in a cot before then. He wanders into ours halfway through the night. Most nights he then sleeps the rest of the night. The 2 weeks after we moved house were hideous though, he just felt really unsettled and probably frightened at night.

Sounds like co sleeping doesn't work for you, but could you try a mattress for him on your floor? Or you sleep on his floor for a while? It sounds like he felt safe in his cot, so maybe you could mimic some of that security by having a semi enclosed bed? There's loads of ideas online for that sort of thing. Would an ikea bed tent thingy give the same feeling possibly?

Might be a bit controversial but mine falls asleep next to us on the sofa after a book etc, we tell him it's sleep time and we quietly watch TV as he falls asleep and then we carry him to bed when he's fast asleep. It's just our routine and it works for us. I think the noise is reassuring for him.

I know people say you create a rod for your back, but I hope and believe that once they understand that you'll always be there at night if they need you, eventually they'll feel safe and secure enough to sleep alone. It could just be a case of insecurity as you've recently moved. I don't think it's about boundaries, control, pushing buttons or manipulation.

Good luck, it'll all pass with time and in these moments do whatever it is you and he need to do to both get some sleep. That's the most important thing.

Amima · 08/08/2021 00:05

Co sleeping with 3 in a bed didn’t work for us. There wasn’t enough room so DS wouldn’t sleep. In the end we put a double bed in his room and took turns to lie with him until he fell asleep. Then if he woke up one of us would get in bed with him again. Loads of times one of us has fallen asleep in bed with him and ended up sleeping all night, while the other partner slept in our bed alone. But at least we’ve had some sleep! We just accepted that we might not be able to sleep together some nights and that was ok as long as we all got some sleep. He’s 3.5 now and we can happily put him to bed and just leave him.

Oceanbliss · 08/08/2021 04:28

@SleepyMamm Just want to sympathise because I remember going through this toddler phase with my dd. It’s very hard especially when you are sleep deprived.Flowers

It’s ok. Tantrums are normal for his age and stage of development. Just calmly ride it out. You can’t stop it because he is not able to control his emotions during a tantrum. My dd head butted the wall or floor. I sat there and placed my hand on the part of the wall or floor she was banging her head on so that she was banging her head on my hand instead. It prevented her from hurting herself.

Sleep regression is also normal. He is going through leaps in his development and that can be overwhelming. He also had a massive change in moving house too. So, try not to worry too much.

Have you got a set routine for bedtime, like reading a bedtime story, singing a nursery song, a relaxing music CD that’s only for bedtime? Young children love routine that helps them feel secure because it is something that doesn’t change, is predictable, is consistent.

Your husband stroking his back for 30 minutes seemed to work well. Maybe keep doing that as part of his bedtime routine.

There has been lots of advice from pp. I hope you find what works for you. Flowers

SleepyMamm · 08/08/2021 05:56

He did 7 until 5.30 in his toddler bed, he got up at 5.30 and came to the gate crying for me but not hysterical screaming like yesterday and no headbutting. His dads gone in with water and a banana and is giving him a cuddle saying how well he did in his bed but that it's not quite morning yet. Lots of praise for sleeping in the bed though and he got a sticker for doing so well which he's really happy about and was clapping himself. He does know his colours really well so I could try a glo clock. Tbh even if it's going to become 6am everyday that's fine I just hope today was a sign it's going to be ok and he won't go back to 2/3am again tomorrow.

OP posts:
pinkmoon18 · 08/08/2021 07:43

That's really good op!

Does he have a comforter or anything? Could be worth a shot giving him something of yours so it smells of you, a t shirt etc

Handsoffstrikesagain · 08/08/2021 08:08

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polkadotpjs · 08/08/2021 08:15

That's great news. Sleep issues can break you but I was of the love and cuddles rather than training camp as the "training" upset both of us and both mine are great sleepers now but both woke up at night for ages. I think feeling secure is a big thing. Good luck tonight

TinToms · 08/08/2021 08:38

I’m sorry a few people have been judgmental to you here in your time of need! Absolutely nothing about your posts suggest you are uncaring or unthinking. Totally the opposite. Best advice I’ve been given is that EVERYTHING is just a phase.

Scubalubs87 · 08/08/2021 09:32

So glad you had a better night. Try to tune out the judgemental comments - you were doing your best! It's so hard when you're all on your knees exhausted - believe me, I've been there.
My son was a hideous sleeper until about 20 months when we finally cracked sleep trained him and he slept beautifully, finally. Best thing we ever did. I'm glad bed sharing works for some people but it didn't for us and no one slept particularly well.
At the same age as your son we had to transition out of the cot for the same reason which messed up his sleep for a good few weeks. Things we found helped were have a bed guard ok the side that was removed; the first couple of nights he struggled without having a side there and the security of the guard really helped. We also have a gate on his door. That way once he's in his room, he's safe, he can have a little play and put himself to sleep when he's ready. He'd happily let us stroke his head for 2 hours but us staying with him just prolongs the whole saga of bedtime.
We have actually really quickly moved our son to a full size single but we chose one that's really low to the floor, only mattress height tall, and he sleeps really well in there as I think the low height takes away an subconscious fear of falling. He transitioned much better to this than he did the cot bed.

Oceanbliss · 08/08/2021 09:41

@SleepyMamm that’s awesome news Smile Hope it continues and you all get lovely sleep.

Twoforthree · 08/08/2021 10:00

Third night should hopefully be even better.

I still made sure mine had a nap at that age as the more sleep they got in the day, bizarrely meant the better they slept at night. As they got older I’d have to drive to get them to nap, then drive for longer and longer… but it was worth it.

FelicityPike · 08/08/2021 10:14

Oh that’s brilliant! Well done wee man.

SpiceWeaselBAM · 09/08/2021 01:10

Just want to say you're not a bad Mum, as you called yourself a couple of times. Thanks You care very much about him and want to do right by him, and parent him well. All those things make you a good Mum. It's a tough gig!

SleepyMamm · 09/08/2021 08:17

2.30am start today Sad

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pinkmoon18 · 09/08/2021 08:42

Oh no!
How was he though? Was he head butting? Or just awake?
Do you use white noise or anything?

Make sure you both have a nap today!

RestingPandaFace · 10/08/2021 18:07

It’s so hard but you ha e to persevere. It does get better after a few days.

It is OK to put him back in and ignore him at that time in the morning. Treat it as a second bedtime.

SleepyMamm · 11/08/2021 14:24

1.30 last night!

He's going to bed fine, but the first stretch of sleep is the only one. When he wakes up me or his dad are going in and trying to get him back to sleep until it gets to 6am ish and we let him go downstairs. We haven't tried leaving him to it since the head butting incident as his dad said he's scared and unsettled in new house and we can't expect him to go back to bed. Just wondering if it will get better doing it this way.

Sad
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