Is anyone awake? Please help

[SleepyMamm]

Toddler kept climbing then falling out of cot. Transitioning to a toddler bed. Put him to bed at 7, slept until 2 and for the last two hours and 47 mins I have l been lying him back in bed every 3 seconds. It's a battle of the wills and he just isn't giving in. Everything online says just keep putting them back and eventually they'll give up but he isn't. What do I do? Do I just do this until 7am!?!

We did the stair gate on bedroom door - tbh I have one at the top of the stairs too but when he moved to the bed we put another one on his bedroom door. The first few nights he got up and shouted / screamed at the gate - we tried putting him back to bed but that just got him more and more annoyed so in the end dh sat on the floor outside the gate and where possibly ignored ds occasionally saying time for bed.
We found audio books help .. so now ds age 3 gets a story read to him in bed star projector turned on and then an audio book put on just as we leave the room - he loved all the Julia Donaldson ones currently loves a paw patrol one from audible.
We found even on the nights when he was giving off about bed he would start to shout/ cry but then get distracted by the audio book and would stop to listen to it before eventually climbing back into bed. Now he sleeps through generally. On the nights he wakes during the night I'm able to say awk did that silly Alexa turn your story off I'll turn it back on - turn in stars and story say night night and go back to bed and he will stay in bed and fall asleep to the story.
Also @SleepyMamm don't feel bad about the head - you couldn't have known and were doing the best you could. On ds first night in his bed he jumped to throw himself down on the bed at the foot of the bed missed the pillow and caught the edge of the bed cutting open his eyebrow - I was sitting on the bed beside him at the time! We got the stair gate the next day and some insulating foam like pool noodle to put over the edges of the bed to cushion it

Definitely give some calpol tonight too- if he's two could it be back molars coming through? Pain is always worse at night and they can't always articulate it even if speech is otherwise good. Ear infection that someone else mentioned is a good shout too. It won't hurt as a one off if you aren't sure.

We've put a stair gate on his door. His dad is still upstairs attempting bed time. What do I do if he appears at the stair gate in the night? Literally just sit there and comfort him through it? If I go in and give him a cuddle is that going to make all this take longer and be worse for him in long run? I don't know what I'm meant to do!

@SleepyMamm

We've put a stair gate on his door. His dad is still upstairs attempting bed time. What do I do if he appears at the stair gate in the night? Literally just sit there and comfort him through it? If I go in and give him a cuddle is that going to make all this take longer and be worse for him in long run? I don't know what I'm meant to do!

Read my posts from earlier, it should solve the problem in 3 days and you don't need a stair gate.

My ds was a terrible sleeper. I found doing the ironing in my bedroom worked to get him to fall asleep in his room. He would get up and run out of his room, see me and go back to bed. He would do this a handful of times. Like he needed the reassurance I was there. Or realised i was watching him…

In the middle of the night there was never any possibility of resettling. He just wanted to be next to me. And he is headstrong.

@SleepyMamm I went in and comforted my son when he was upset but I reassured him he was ok and it was night time and time for sleeping from outside the gate when he was cross at the gate being closed if that makes sense?
I think for ds it made it worse for him off we kept going in and out as it confused him and he thought we would stay or that we would take him downstairs. But I could quickly hear a difference in his shouts/ cries of whether he was upset and needed a cuddle or whether he was just annoyed and angry he wasn't getting his own way. It was a bit of trial and error to begin with but it does pass.. it will get easier!
We also got a gro clock but I'll be honest I think we got it around your ds age but my ds didn't get it and it didn't help so we put it away. I took it out again this year when the days got longer and he understands it better now at just over 3 .

I have lots of sympathy, OP. My DS was a poor sleeper and a headbutter when he didn't get his own way.

The child gate across the door really saved us - made sure his room was safe and then pretty much let him do whatever he wanted to in there, play, read etc until he went to sleep. Now he will go up to bed at bed time and go to sleep when he's ready (normally within 30 mins these days), it saves so much stress.

The other thing that helped was an Alexa device and an audible account, we read him stories as part of bedtime and then let him listen to something to go to sleep.

If he got upset, we would go in and cuddle but not say anything, let him calm down and leave again. I know some people might think it's "pandering" but it helped keep us all calm, and the whole phase lasted no longer than a couple of weeks.

Be kind to yourself, they really know how to push our buttons and test boundaries!

Hi OP

There's lots and lots and lots of conflicting advice about sleep training etc.
My main point would be, whatever method you decide to go for BE CONSISTENT.

Sending you lots of love, a big hug and a bottle of wine.
You are a fantastic mum.
Toddlers are tricky things!

What about one of these to stop him climbing out of his cot www.amazon.co.uk/Grey-Baby-Canopy-Cover-Safety/dp/B07MWJGHPF/ref=asc_df_B07MWJGHPF/?hvlocphy=9045587&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=499333111571&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-831811911722&hvrand=17466345932319900990

He's asleep in his bed. No tears same as last night but his dad had to stroke his back until he fell asleep took about 35 mins. Hoping the fact he's gone down ok both nights is a good sign. It's just if he wakes up early hours again that is the tough bit maybe the more nights he has a good first half of the night in there he'll get used to it and bit by bit it'll get easier. To be fair to him we've moved recently and just started potty training so his whole world has changed he must be so overwhelmed. It's just so hard to remember that at 2am..

I was too nervous to have an open door and no stair gate on it, but if this fails then I will move it to the stairs. I will comfort him too, we will try and comfort him in his room rather than bringing him in with us again. He deffo won't be going his cot again after hurting himself again.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Cuddle your inconsolable child. I know it’s hard when they don’t sleep but don’t leave him screaming and afraid. You don’t know what is going through his brain. Comfort him through whatever is upsetting him. It could be night terrors, fear of the dark, anything. It will pass I promise you that x

Thank god someone else said this. It's like a parallel universe in here sometimes.

Agreed it really upsets me to read things like this, if my child was so distressed they were head butting walls I would leave it and try again in a few months when they might be more developmentally ready or settled in after the move etc. It’s not about ‘giving in’ they aren’t manipulative at that age and wanting comfort and reassurance is a legitimate need. I have an awful sleeper, we cosleep..it’s a pain and I don’t sleep as well as if we didn’t cosleep but I know it won’t last forever. I just try and think from the kids point of view...they don’t understand.

@Mia0909

Agreed it really upsets me to read things like this, if my child was so distressed they were head butting walls I would leave it and try again in a few months when they might be more developmentally ready or settled in after the move etc. It’s not about ‘giving in’ they aren’t manipulative at that age and wanting comfort and reassurance is a legitimate need. I have an awful sleeper, we cosleep..it’s a pain and I don’t sleep as well as if we didn’t cosleep but I know it won’t last forever. I just try and think from the kids point of view...they don’t understand.

He headbutts walls if we tell him he can't have a third packet of crisps. He's learnt that we react to it and it's one of his signature moves in a tantrum. We've been working on it for months and have worked through it with his health visitor and his nursery. Unfortunately both us and nursery have to interfere when he does it so he gets that reaction so it's been a hard thing to stop. We intervene everytime by moving him to a soft surface, talking to him about why he shouldn't do it and restraining him when we have to. He had gotten so so much better and I can count the amount of times he'd done it in the last month on one hand. Yes I had a moment of stupidity last night when I thought maybe he'll realise this hurts and it isn't working and stop, he didn't quick enough and, I went back in within 20 seconds as I could hear him doing it rapidly. I didn't think about the fact we now have solid wood doors in our new house (moved in this week) and it's done damage which never happened before. I always comfort my crying child but I've never had to sleep train before he's always been brilliant and everything I read seems to suggest leaving him so I was asking if this was really the right thing. I'm not just leaving him to it

But why sleep train him, it's upsetting him so much he's hurting himself! He's 2 not 15! You're not sleeping either as you're having to get up to him so often.

I'm so glad I didn't listen to the "let them cry it out" brigade and co-slept.

To be honest op, he has a lot going on that he won't understand.
You've moved house this week, he will have no idea this is his new bedroom 'forever' it will be daunting for him, it's not his familiar surroundings.
And then potty training just recently started on top, it's a lot for a 2 year old.

@Mia0909

Agreed it really upsets me to read things like this, if my child was so distressed they were head butting walls I would leave it and try again in a few months when they might be more developmentally ready or settled in after the move etc. It’s not about ‘giving in’ they aren’t manipulative at that age and wanting comfort and reassurance is a legitimate need. I have an awful sleeper, we cosleep..it’s a pain and I don’t sleep as well as if we didn’t cosleep but I know it won’t last forever. I just try and think from the kids point of view...they don’t understand.

It doesn't last forever, although it feels like it might when you get woken by another foot in the face! My three are all in their own beds now and sleep through.

@toughdaay

But why sleep train him, it's upsetting him so much he's hurting himself! He's 2 not 15! You're not sleeping either as you're having to get up to him so often.

I'm so glad I didn't listen to the "let them cry it out" brigade and co-slept.

We co-slept until he was 10 months old and I loved it. I would have zero issue co-sleeping again if he slept. He doesn't he stirs lots in the night and if he's on his own (obviously not this week) he goes back to sleep but if he was with us and saw us that was it, game over, he'd cry to go downstairs and keep saying it's morning when it isn't. I don't want to sleep train but he needs some where safe to sleep

I think the issue is that you’ve moved house, are toilet training, he’s become mobile enough to climb out of his cot - all at the same time.

He needs more stability. Also, he may benefit from being more active during the day so that his body falls asleep quickly at bedtime, even if his mind doesn’t.

At 2.5yo, I would cut out the toilet training. Just pass for three, four months and revisit when he’s sleeping well again. He can’t be in his cot because he’s not safe, so you have to tackle that.

@BeenThruMoreThanALilBit

I think the issue is that you’ve moved house, are toilet training, he’s become mobile enough to climb out of his cot - all at the same time.

He needs more stability. Also, he may benefit from being more active during the day so that his body falls asleep quickly at bedtime, even if his mind doesn’t.

At 2.5yo, I would cut out the toilet training. Just pass for three, four months and revisit when he’s sleeping well again. He can’t be in his cot because he’s not safe, so you have to tackle that.

I had zero intentions to start potty training but he keeps taking his nappy off and then announcing he's going to pee or poo. His nursery said I need to start because he's clearly ready and is taking bottoms and nappy off everytime he goes. Worlds worst timing when I knew we were moving. I'm not putting any pressure on him we just have a potty out during the day where he can see it, which he uses 70% of the time then always a nappy at night. Again it wasn't my choice he was just ready

Aha. Well, children do have terrible timing! You may just have to gird yourself for a few weeks of pain, in that case. Toileting accidents, disrupted sleep, tantrums etc. They work to their own schedule, unfortunately, with not a care for whatever else their parents may have going on!

He’s presented you with a fait accompli: can’t stay in his cot, won’t keep his nappy on. Decisive and strong-willed! You’ll just have to go with it. It’ll be easier than fighting it!

Do you have a travel cot OP? When my DS learnt to climb out of his cot at 10 months () we put him in a travel cot which he couldn't get out of, and also they're closer to the floor if they do climb/fall out. We bought a proper mattress for it and he slept in it a further 2 years!

That's a lot going on for both you & DS.

Something that might be worth a try & we found helped a lot when DD was small, is Epsom salts baths, maybe with a bit of lavender oil too.

A lot of us are low in magnesium, (often more due to poor soil quality, than not eating enough) magnesium's a mineral that helps the body deal with stress, pain, helps relaxation, skin problems, sleep & more. Lavender oils has similar qualities & smells nice too. Loads of information if you Google it.

It won't change what's going on as far as lots of changes go for either of, but both of you might benefit from adding a couple of cups of magnesium in a bath, or even foot bath, could help you both cope better & help him sleep better

Is the cot one you can take the bars off and put a side guard on (if you have more problems tonight of course?). Might feel more familiar to him bug they are designed so you get out at the end.