Is anyone awake? Please help

[SleepyMamm]

Toddler kept climbing then falling out of cot. Transitioning to a toddler bed. Put him to bed at 7, slept until 2 and for the last two hours and 47 mins I have l been lying him back in bed every 3 seconds. It's a battle of the wills and he just isn't giving in. Everything online says just keep putting them back and eventually they'll give up but he isn't. What do I do? Do I just do this until 7am!?!

He's only 2 so there's only so much explaining to him I can do

When I put mine into the bed I put the cot right next to the bed, so when they woke up they still saw the bars of the cot, so it wasn’t too much of a change.

He's so tired I tried to nap him in his room and he headbutted the door viciously again. I put him in his cot and he climbed and fell out. I'm completely fucking stuck

You let him headbutt the door so much he cut his head? I'm sorry OP but however many times he's waking you up you need to be right there with him and keeping him safe! I sympathise, my youngest was about 5 when she finally slept through.

You have my sympathies. I have two sleep fighters. Have you tried a travel cot. They can be much harder to climb out of. If you haven’t got one, someone you know is bound to have one and hopefully will lend it to you to try.

@SleepyMamm

He's so tired I tried to nap him in his room and he headbutted the door viciously again. I put him in his cot and he climbed and fell out. I'm completely fucking stuck

Can you take the bars off and lie with him. Let him calm down and have a nap?

@SleepyMamm I could be writing the same thing today. We’ve been up solidly now since 3.30 have been for an hours walk and dd is still not asleep.
I’m going to drive her round in the car soon as a last resort. She needs to nap. Is that an option for you? If you feel too tired to do that can anyone else do it?
If he’s climbing out of the cot them time to take the side off, it probably won’t help the sleeping issues but it will certainly stop him from hurting himself.
I really do feel your pain! Xx

Also is his dad around? Or anyone that can help. You sound like your really struggling a lot and could do with a little break to either rest or just be alone with your thoughts so you feel more able to deal with your ds

He's slept through for years. The issue isn't him waking the issue is he can't sleep anywhere. He isn't safe in his cot. He headbutts the door in his bed. He won't sleep in our bed. How the fuck am I meant to cope if there's nowhere he can sleep. He's gone from being a lovely boy to just awful constant tantrums biting me hitting me he isn't coping now he isn't sleeping. How has everything gone so downhill almost over night

My daughter slept 7-7 from being 3 months old until around 2 months before her second birthday. Since then she’s started getting up half the night if she doesn’t nap in the day.
Do you have a car?
I can also highly recommend a sleep consultant if your interested?

Put some padding on the door. Don't let children be the boss in the house. It starts at a young age and it will get much worse if you allow it.

I didn't realise he'd be able to hurt himself so badly so quickly. I kept opening the door and going in everytime he headbutt the door just once but he'd got straight back and do it again. I thought maybe he'd realise it hurt and stop but he didn't stop after 20 seconds I gave up and it was bleeding. I know I'm a terrible mum for letting him hurt himself. His forehead is swollen and bruised today. He was just so tired and fighting it so hard. I tried to get him to nap today he was so sleepy and he started headbutting again so gave up after the first time as his head is too sore. I thought fuck it one last time in his cot will be fine but he fell out and split his lip. He fell asleep in my bed in the end and I've just laid there crying feeling so guilty. I just feel completely out of options, the toddler bed isn't working, the cot isn't working, our bed isn't working especially as we can't go to bed at 7 every night and get up at 3 we both work. His dads picking up a stair gate tonight I don't know whether to try it on his door or top of stairs. I'm not shutting his door anymore as he hurts himself on it. I know it has to pass in time but right now it feels like we're never going to sleep again

Have you taken sides off cot? Then put one of those bed guards on? It would be safer than him climbing in and out of a cot.

What a nightmare - really feel for you.
I follow Supernanny on Facebook where there are 5 min videos with little tips about parenting things. I like her because she applies sense when the parents can't see the wood for the trees. There is a recent one with a little girl of about 3 and they needed her to sleep in her own bed for the first time. It shows you how to do it and what to expect; how long and how many times you can be expected to put him back. It will be lots on the first night but the key is consistency. It's worth a look. It is unsustainable as it is and won't resolve on its own.

Oh this sounds exhausting,poor you.
A couple of thoughts, is he getting hungry because he's having a growth spurt? At this age I gave ds warm milky weetabix right before bed. Also offered milk if he woke up but gave it to him whilst lying in his own bed.
Shutting the door on him might be increasing his frustration so could you try a stair gate across his doorway instead so he can see you but can't get out and play?
Finally, when my ds went through a "sleep regression" as a toddler it turned out that he was actually ill and in pain and eventually spent two weeks in hospital. I'm not saying that your ds is ill but just keep your eyes open for any pain or external reason that might be causing this.
Hope you have a better night tonight

Get a stair gate and leave the door open at least he won't be head butting the door

@toughdaay

You let him headbutt the door so much he cut his head? I'm sorry OP but however many times he's waking you up you need to be right there with him and keeping him safe! I sympathise, my youngest was about 5 when she finally slept through.

No need for this comment. Poor OP is already at her wits end without posters putting the boot in.

I had this with DD who wouldn't stay in bed and go to sleep, it was tough but only took 3 nights.

1. Don't close his door, he'll never go back to sleep if he's left to wind himself up and head butt etc. Let him get up and leave the room.
2. Position yourself nearby, so you can hear him, but not so close that he knows you're there. Maybe just inside your bedroom door if bedrooms are close to each other.
3. Every time he gets up and comes out of his room, quickly and quietly pick him up and put him back in bed. You need to catch him as he comes on to the landing or soon after, don't let him get far enough to find something interesting to do. Don't look him in the eye, don't speak at all, don't put the light on, don't get mad, just ignore any behaviour and put him down in bed. No need to tuck in etc, just quickly and calmly put him back and immediately leave the room. Again, don't speak to him. You are just a robot whose job it is to scoop up children and put them in bed.

As you're leaving, check what he's doing. If he's in or on bed, leave, if he's already got out, put him back.

1. Keep going until he goes to sleep. If you don't keep going, it will all be wasted and you might as well not have bothered at all. Keep going, no matter what.
2. Count how many times you have to do it. This is essential.
3. Next night, repeat.

DD was about 18 months and ended up in a bed a bit earlier than I would have liked because we moved to a rented house and there was a bed in her room. As soon as she discovered she could just get out, she would not stay in it. I did the method above, first night I had to put her back 96 times over the course of about 4-5 hours. She was so tired by the end, she couldn't even walk and was dragging herself along the landing. Second night, it was 7 times. Third night, 0 times and she never relapsed.

The key thing is not to engage in any way. Don't speak, don't smile, don't look at him, don't be angry or frustrated, don't cuddle, just calmly pick him up and put him back. You are making sure that he has nothing to gain by getting up again. Good luck 🤞

Final tip - I would have a book / phone / whatever handy, and wine. It's quite a boring way of spending the evening. You can't really watch anything though, because you need to be very quiet and to be able to hear what he's up to.

When you're not picking him up and putting him back, just wait around the corner or in your bedroom, but quietly, so he doesn't know you're there.

Also (sorry keep remembering things) if he cries, just ignore, as long as he's not getting out. He will probably be quite annoyed at first. If he gets really upset when you're returning him and is heading for a meltdown, give him a quick cuddle, calmly tell him it's time to sleep and put him back. But don't hang about and get suckered into a conversation, a story, major comforting session etc or he will play you like a fiddle.

Gosh you poor woman.
Just know, its shit right now but it is temporary, won't be like this forever.

Tonight do your bedtime routine, bath, book, 'night night, I love you', bed. Keep it snappy, after his bath try to have him down within about 15 minutes so you're not dragging it out.

Try to make sure he's had enough to eat to avoid hunger waking.

Go into him if/when he wakes and keep taking him back to bed. If he gets to the point where he's hurting himself again you'll have to stay with him in the room. If he's banging his head just keep moving him away from the door.

By you going into his room rather than you bringing him to your bed you're reinforcing the idea of him sleeping in his bed in his room. You may have to hunker down for the night lay on your duvet with a pillow and blanket?

It's absolutely awful, I know. But he has to sleep!

Is there anything else going on with him? How is his communication? Is there any additional needs?

@hangonamo’s advice is good. Our DS (adopted) was a headbanger and I eventually came to the conclusion that anything we tried to do to stop it just made it worse.

If you can pinpoint a reason (banging the door because he wants to get out) then try and remove this by leaving the door open and just taking him back each time he comes out or a stair gate if you can’t hear to sit on the landing for a few hours with a book.

@Loubiemoo I'm not putting the boot in. I've two autistic DC myself. One of which headbutts when he's upset. I would never leave him banging his head though when I could be sat with him and I don't understand why anyone else would. Yes it's tiring and shit for everybody, I've been there, honestly I have. I don't think if he needed stitches the hospital would just shrug and say oh well it's fine if you were too tired to supervise him properly.

Never suspected additional needs. His speech is great, he's very social, does well at nursery, usually sleeps and eats well, the only red flag per se is he is a vicious headbutter when he's upset/angry. He had gotten better lately but this has set him right back.

Thanks for advice, will try it all. He's tested me to my limits today, and for the first time I've not been able to put him somewhere safe and walk away to calm down for five minutes because there is nowhere safe for him anymore.