Negligent nanny

[Eleosto]

I would appreciate some thoughts from some mothers who have nannies.

I was in the park with my son. There was nanny in the park who left her 7 yr old and 4 yr old to play whilst she sat on a bench and was buried in her phone. I found this off but not the first time I have seen this.

The little girl started chatting to us and she was lovely with my son. My son (who is 2) ran off to another part of the park (which is quite big) and so she followed us. I had no problem chatting to her and we decided to pick some daisies and show my son dandylions. It was all very cute and innocent.

This went on for about an hour. Then the nanny obviously realised she could no longer she her charge and eventually found her. She told her off for “scaring” her and then accusingly told me she had never “done that before”, although not sure what she had done.

I do feel that it was negligent of the nanny not to have sight of her for that period of time. I could have been anyone and she wasn’t aware of who she was talking to or where she was going.

The little girl mentioned a few details about herself so I could find a way to let her parents know. My question is, if this was your child would you want to know? I am concerned but am sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong?

'It would be a big deal if the child was hurt, wandered off and run over, etc etc etc.'

Absolutely it would.

But if you actually read what the poster said:

'Yeah, your kids are always safe but she doesn’t seem to care very much”? '

The key bit there is ALWAYS SAFE.

ALWAYS SAFE.

That's the difference between what happened in the OP and this case.

Someone 'seeming' like they don't care (based on brief observations in a park) is not the same as someone behaving in a negligent way.

You need to report actual events and facts, not how you think someone 'seems'.

There are various queries from posters for further information. I feel from the responses I should say something despite insinuations of me being “weird”. I can live with that. I can’t live with child neglect. I am a mother and I think other mothers would feel the same way I did.

We live in a smallish town and girl said she attends a club which my son also attends hence I can contact parents.

We often make friends in the park and know many people this way. It’s normal in our area. Thanks once again for all the comments including the negatives ones. I appreciate your input.

@EssentialHummus you are getting backlash from the same people I got backlash from. Trust your instincts.

I assumed you were talking about the 4yo. What was the 4yo doing while the 7yo was off with you?

I would be grateful to you for telling me.

I'm mainly sorry to have sidetracked your thread @Eleosto!

@EssentialHummus ha! Forums like this are about exchanging experiences. My story obviously resonated with you. Glad you shared.

I would want to know.

Years ago we were at the toddlers’ session at the library. At the end there was a nanny chatting to someone else, telling her she had just started this job and it was great how it fitted around her life. Nothing about liking the / any kids. Meanwhile the little girl gave up trying to get her attention and get her to play, and came over to show us her picture book. They were at the unsteady toddler stage, there were a couple of steps and so on - nothing dangerous but you would want to keep an eye out and see where they were. Nanny oblivious. I vaguely recognised the girl, and then saw her at church a week or so later. I was in two minds about saying something to her mum, and didn’t, because I didn’t want to put the boot in, and what could anyone usefully do with ‘Your nanny is not interested and doesn’t engage with your child’ based on this one occasion?

Some time later the girl was badly scalded in the bath. She recovered but only after a lot of hospital treatment. Her nanny was sacked.

Now who knows what the full circumstances were, but I still feel bad that I bottled out of saying anything to her mum about the library.

So yeah, I’d want to know about the park.

@NomNomNominativeDeterminism I am so grateful that you shared this. What an awful story. Please don’t feel too bad for not saying anything. I suppose you felt at the time you didn’t have enough to say.

We use a nanny. There are things she does that I don’t love, but I can see how much she cares about my daughter so her tendency to, for example, feed her crisps after nursery is something I just shrug off.

@EssentialHummus You’re the parent - if you don’t want your daughter to have crisps after nursery, then why not just say?

Because it’s minor imo @cherrytree975, my daughter likes them, and crisps once a week (she normally shares a bag with the nanny) seems a small thing. I don’t ask the nanny to bring anything along to nursery pickup, she does, off her own bat, at her own expense, and that’s more important to me than the crisps. If she was offering her a Red Bull I’d say something!

I’ll give you another example - every year for her bday and Christmas the nanny buys DD something that I would never otherwise have in the house - a Barbie that looks like a prostitute, a Frozen costume. And I cringe a bit because that’s not the sort of thing I’d buy. But then I think - the nanny has thought about DD and what she might like (and she usually gets it right, tbf), and spent her own money on a gift for her, and clearly delights in seeing DD enjoy it - me pissing on that with my feminist principles and middle-class neuroses isn’t necessary or kind. So I leave it.

This thread makes me never want to go back to work. The thought of putting my kids in the care of a nanny like this is heart-breaking.

@NuffSaidSam

'It would be a big deal if the child was hurt, wandered off and run over, etc etc etc.'

Absolutely it would.

But if you actually read what the poster said:

'Yeah, your kids are always safe but she doesn’t seem to care very much”? '

The key bit there is ALWAYS SAFE.

ALWAYS SAFE.

That's the difference between what happened in the OP and this case.

Someone 'seeming' like they don't care (based on brief observations in a park) is not the same as someone behaving in a negligent way.

You need to report actual events and facts, not how you think someone 'seems'.

How sad you think it doesn't matter that much that someone caring for a child doesn't actually care about them.

Years ago we were at the seaside, out of season at a harbour beach. A day nursery came with a group of ten children all under three years old. There were two staff with them and then one of the staff left for at least fifteen minutes to fetch cups of tea from the café the other side of the car park. The child to adult ratios were illegal and I was very anxious to see the children; water, walls with high drops the other side, children running off etc. as the level of supervision was utterly unsafe. I think I watched those children more than the care workers did. (My DC were there with DH and grandparents as well as me so I was able to.) I knew which day nursery it was as they had coats with the logo on the back. I reported them to the relevant council department as soon as I could who said they'd visit and investigate. If I was a parent of one of those children I'd have wanted it investigated as it wasn't safe. "Takes a village .." etc.

@SunshineCake

* You need to report actual events and facts, not how you think someone 'seems'.*

Nope.

We’re talking about children and childcare. Relationships.
It’s not all about facts.
Odd and concerning you think that.

@EssentialHummus

I’d also have no issue with the crisps
As long as the nanny asked me first

[quote Marmitemarinaded]@SunshineCake

* You need to report actual events and facts, not how you think someone 'seems'.*

Nope.

We’re talking about children and childcare. Relationships.
It’s not all about facts.
Odd and concerning you think that.[/quote]
I never said what you claim I did

Sorry that was @NuffSaidSam

You and I are in agreement @SunshineCake!

'We’re talking about children and childcare. Relationships.
It’s not all about facts.
Odd and concerning you think that.'

Nope.

We're talking about reporting someone for being negligent, about interfering in someone else's livelihood, about possibly getting someone sacked.

That is about facts.

Odd and concerning that you think you should report someone for how you 'think' they 'seem' based on no evidence.

If they're a bad nanny report them of course, but do so using facts. Not your personal feeling towards them, that is of no value (unless they're your nanny).

If you haven't got any facts or evidence, then maybe they're not all that bad after all?

“Reporting someone”

No. We are talking about having a chat with the mother about what you have seen to her nanny.

And the OP’s feeling are based on her factual experience of what she witnessed!

'There were two staff with them and then one of the staff left for at least fifteen minutes to fetch cups of tea from the café the other side of the car park. The child to adult ratios were illegal '

Facts.

You did absolutely the right thing.

'No. We are talking about having a chat with the mother about what you have seen to her nanny.'

That is reporting.

'And the OP’s feeling are based on her factual experience of what she witnessed!'

And that's fine as long as she only reports the facts. Not how she 'feels' or how she thought things 'seemed'.

Fact

* This went on for about an hour. Then the nanny obviously realised she could no longer she her charge and eventually found her. *

The child was awol from the nanny for an hour.