Negligent nanny

[Eleosto]

I would appreciate some thoughts from some mothers who have nannies.

I was in the park with my son. There was nanny in the park who left her 7 yr old and 4 yr old to play whilst she sat on a bench and was buried in her phone. I found this off but not the first time I have seen this.

The little girl started chatting to us and she was lovely with my son. My son (who is 2) ran off to another part of the park (which is quite big) and so she followed us. I had no problem chatting to her and we decided to pick some daisies and show my son dandylions. It was all very cute and innocent.

This went on for about an hour. Then the nanny obviously realised she could no longer she her charge and eventually found her. She told her off for “scaring” her and then accusingly told me she had never “done that before”, although not sure what she had done.

I do feel that it was negligent of the nanny not to have sight of her for that period of time. I could have been anyone and she wasn’t aware of who she was talking to or where she was going.

The little girl mentioned a few details about herself so I could find a way to let her parents know. My question is, if this was your child would you want to know? I am concerned but am sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong?

Thanks so much for the comments on here.

Just to address some of the criticism I seem to be getting might be because my original message doesn’t make the situation completely clear. The point I am making is that there was at least an hour where the nanny was buried in her phone ignoring her charge. I didn’t take the child off for an hour!

First, the girl happened to be in the same area as us for a while and the nanny was far away buried in her phone. The majority of that time she played with her younger brother and periodically chatted to us. She had left at various points and come back. The point at which she followed is was when my 2 year old ran of looking for dandy-lions. I had it in my mind when she first started to talk to us that I should ask who was looking after her but i put two and two together that the nanny had decided it was break time and have some screen time. Nanny was on a bench sat down at least 50 meters away. She couldn’t see what they were up to and more importantly hear what we were discussing. I am not sure what I could have done? Ask the nanny to get off the bench and take care of the children? At this point I guessed she was a nanny but wasn’t sure. She could have been a parent. I only found out it was a nanny when she came over and said “I am her nanny”.

Perhaps when she followed us I could have said she should go back to her nanny but the nanny had been ignoring her this whole time and my first priority is my son.

So how long was the child out of sight for? Because that's really key to this! It wasn't an hour, how long was it?

Nanny isn’t fictional. Thanks once again for the comments. Very helpful.

@Eleosto

Thanks so much for the comments on here.

Just to address some of the criticism I seem to be getting might be because my original message doesn’t make the situation completely clear. The point I am making is that there was at least an hour where the nanny was buried in her phone ignoring her charge. I didn’t take the child off for an hour!

First, the girl happened to be in the same area as us for a while and the nanny was far away buried in her phone. The majority of that time she played with her younger brother and periodically chatted to us. She had left at various points and come back. The point at which she followed is was when my 2 year old ran of looking for dandy-lions. I had it in my mind when she first started to talk to us that I should ask who was looking after her but i put two and two together that the nanny had decided it was break time and have some screen time. Nanny was on a bench sat down at least 50 meters away. She couldn’t see what they were up to and more importantly hear what we were discussing. I am not sure what I could have done? Ask the nanny to get off the bench and take care of the children? At this point I guessed she was a nanny but wasn’t sure. She could have been a parent. I only found out it was a nanny when she came over and said “I am her nanny”.

Perhaps when she followed us I could have said she should go back to her nanny but the nanny had been ignoring her this whole time and my first priority is my son.

The girl has a younger brother?

'The girl has a younger brother?'

Yeah, a 4 year old according to the OP.

From the OP:

'There was nanny in the park who left her 7 yr old and 4 yr old to play'

So in that case the nanny negligent nanny is also being negligent about a very young child indeed

Op you do need to contact the mother. You really do. But no drama. Keep it factual.

I used to be a nanny and I am a mum. 100% tell the parents.

@EssentialHummus

Yes. Just put it to the parents factually and let them draw their own conclusions.

There's one near me who is crap - just totally disinterested in the kids she cares for and may as well be on the tills at Tesco, always looking at her phone, always talking to the kids sharply. It's never bad enough for me to mention to the mum, but if it was my child with her I'd feel a bit sad for her.

It is already bad enough.

@EssentialHummus

Yes. Just put it to the parents factually and let them draw their own conclusions.

There's one near me who is crap - just totally disinterested in the kids she cares for and may as well be on the tills at Tesco, always looking at her phone, always talking to the kids sharply. It's never bad enough for me to mention to the mum, but if it was my child with her I'd feel a bit sad for her.

@EssentialHummus

What one earth are you talking about?

It is bad enough FGS

@Marmitemarinaded I have thought and thought about it - she’s been with the kids for years now, and I see her weekly - but I battle to articulate it. As in, what I want to say is “I see your nanny around a lot when I’m in the park with my daughter. She spends most of the time reading her phone and shouting at them from a distance (“Jane, put a coat on!”). She doesn’t seem to like them very much.” It just feels a bit… flimsy somehow? To complicate matters I’ve heard the mum praising the nanny to another friend - she cooks, she teaches them piano or something - so I just sort of wonder if she knows but is happy with what she has? I don’t know. Has been bugging me for literally years. The nanny was initially lovely to me because she’s from the same country/language as my DH so I got the impression she was selling herself a bit to me, talking about her free days etc, but now I just get glared at too.

If that was my child/nanny I would want to know and think you should trace the parents. and tell.

Ask yourself one thing

Would you want to know @EssentialHummus?

If yes, then really - you should tell her.

'I have thought and thought about it - she’s been with the kids for years now, and I see her weekly - but I battle to articulate it'.

I don't think it's as straight forward as other posters are making out.

Things like 'she talks to them sharply' or 'she doesn't seem to like them' are subjective opinions, not facts. You can report behaviour, but not your interpretation of that behaviour.

Looking at her phone is not necessarily a major issue either, unless you can report a specific incident where it was a health and safety risk. Or you see her for several hours everyday and she's always ignoring them. If she works a 12 hour day and you see her looking at her phone for an hour (while they play safely in the park) is that really negligence? Bearing in mind that during the other 11 hours she's teaching them piano and cooking etc.

If you are going to report it you need to record facts, not your opinions and give those to the parents.

@NuffSaidSam

But if the poster would want to know if it was her children / nanny - then clearly sufficient enough to contact the mother

If the poster thought - well not ideal but I suppose I wouldn’t want to know because not that serious - then, no need to tell.

It’s an easy test. Would YOU want to know?

'If the poster thought - well not ideal but I suppose I wouldn’t want to know because not that serious - then, no need to tell.'

She said:

'It's never bad enough for me to mention to the mum'

It was other people telling her she was wrong and should report.

Just stick to the facts. That's all. You can't report someone because of a feeling you had. If she's witnessed neglect then report.

A nanny at the park basically has one job - keep an eye on the kids. She didn't do that. As a mum, I would want to know. In fact, I have been in that situation of somebody telling on my babysitter who was at the park and I thanked them for letting me know.

That’s the thing @NuffSaidSam - the overall impression I have is simply that she’s indifferent to the kids. The whole “using phone, speaking sharply” thing - I as a parent do that sometimes, I expect everyone does, so it’s a matter of quantifying it if I was to say something to the mum.

We use a nanny. There are things she does that I don’t love, but I can see how much she cares about my daughter so her tendency to, for example, feed her crisps after nursery is something I just shrug off. Because the overall impression I get is of warmth and affection. But go explain to the mum “Yeah, your kids are always safe but she doesn’t seem to care very much”? It’s complicated I think.

Can’t think of anything worse than a random child pestering me for a hour when I’m trying to play with my toddler but it sounds like you were encouraging her OP.

If you think it needs reporting then report it, but how do you plan to do so? Did the girl tell you her address, are you going to go knock on the door?

So to be clear @EssentialHummus

You wouldn’t want to know?

In which case, no problem.

If you did though…

[quote EssentialHummus]@Marmitemarinaded I have thought and thought about it - she’s been with the kids for years now, and I see her weekly - but I battle to articulate it. As in, what I want to say is “I see your nanny around a lot when I’m in the park with my daughter. She spends most of the time reading her phone and shouting at them from a distance (“Jane, put a coat on!”). She doesn’t seem to like them very much.” It just feels a bit… flimsy somehow? To complicate matters I’ve heard the mum praising the nanny to another friend - she cooks, she teaches them piano or something - so I just sort of wonder if she knows but is happy with what she has? I don’t know. Has been bugging me for literally years. The nanny was initially lovely to me because she’s from the same country/language as my DH so I got the impression she was selling herself a bit to me, talking about her free days etc, but now I just get glared at too.[/quote]
She doesn't seem to like them much ffs is enough.

Poor kids.

The mum might be happy with what she sees but obviously no one treats their charge like shit in front of mum .

marmite the best I can say is that a) it'd be a big deal to throw a bomb into someone else's childcare arrangements b) if I do I'd better be crystal clear on why and be able to justify it c) I know enough about the mum/family to have doubts that their attitudes mirror mine. So that's where I am.

I suppose it's the difference between saying to a friend "Your DH was in 'spoons last night with a lady looking very cosy" and "I saw him snogging someone's face off" - the latter I'd absolutely say. The former would be wait and see for me. Obviously ymmv.

On the basis of what you’ve said
I would want to know
So I would tell

However you’re the one that has witnessed, so presumably you’re ok with no telling.

It would be a big deal if the child was hurt, wandered off and run over, etc etc etc.

The child was in danger. You should 100% tell the parents.