How much do you listen to the Health Visitor advice?

[Eri21]

Hi,
So yesterday we had a HV visit regarding his weaning because he will be 6m next month and there’s a few things I don’t agree with her as a mum for my baby but from her it came almost as a “must”.
I definitely don’t want to start with baby porridges as the first foods although they are in my buy list for later. I definitely don’t want to give him weetabix with cows milk as a breakfast at 6m. And pasta or rice or even meat at 6m is also a no at this age in my opinion.
At 7m he should have 3 meals a day and bottles cut only to 3. (What?)
For me the first month or two is for introduction, showing different tastes, different vegetables. In my opinion there is no need to stuff him with meat or pasta at 6m. He will have plenty of time to eat all that.
And what if he doesn’t have 3 proper meals at 7m then what, end of the world?
Second thing which left me a bit on pause was her very pushy advice about his sleep. At the moment he goes to the bed between 9-10pm and usually sleeps until 6am or so. He kinda made this routine himself and at the moment it’s working for us. Her idea was to put him to the bed at 7 because I have to start preparing him for school - means going to the bed early. Preparing for school? At 6m?
Oh and when he starts teething I should use the normal adult toothpaste which again I think is totally not right.
So how much you listen to your HV advice about different things regarding your baby?

I listen to a hV with anything that is safety advice. Eg, baby has lost to much weight and needs admitted or sids guidance.

Other than that it's an opinion which I listen to the same as a friend or a stranger and I then muddle along as I had intended. You will find every hV has a different opinion on these things,mans is advising based on what they have seen or have had work for them. Every baby is different but you also need to remember that the same goes for your own opinions. What you intend to do and what actually works for your baby may be two very different things. Dd2 would have been screaming bloody murder hungry by seven months at your plan, dd1 was exactly as you intend.

I mostly went for the smile, nod and then do what I thought was best or what I had researched. I've never used baby porridge or pureed anything after about a week with my first, when I slightly lost my confidence in my own opinion!
With my four, the bedtime did get earlier between 6-12 months by itself. They naturally became tired for bedtime earlier as naps shifted or dropped and they became more active.

In hindsight, I should have taken some of it with a very large pinch of salt with DC1. With DC2, if I’d had similar advice, I would have checked it against the NHS website/Lullaby Trust/maybe Mumsnet if not immediately health related and made my own decisions. Some HVs are excellent and very much on top of latest evidence-based advice. Some are not.

Mine told me that all babies (at four months) must go to bed between 7.30pm and 8pm. All babies. No exceptions. Sadly DC1 didn’t get the memo. Also, my milk wasn’t good enough for him any more at four months. At 12 months, I was told by a different one that I “just had to make him eat” (he refused anything I cooked). Not helpful.

In terms of what you’ve been told, for weaning, it’s up to you but you can give them pretty much anything from day 1 as long as it doesn’t contain salt, sugar or honey. I offered first tastes once a day for the first week or two, gradually building up. DC1 was indifferent, DC2 practically grabbed the spoon off me. No need to use baby porridge but you can if you want. I thought they should be on 3 meals a day by nine months; seven sounds very early, but you’ll be led by your baby.

Sleep: do what works for you. She’s not going to be there to help in the middle of the night. If he sleeps through that chunk and it works for you, fine. You may want an earlier bedtime as he gets older - maybe once he’s down to two naps - but you’ll change it when it stops working for you/him.

Toothpaste: I’d check with your dentist. We have always used age-appropriate toothpaste.

Smile, nod, do your own thing. As long as your baby is happy, healthy and growing well, I wouldn't listen to her. Lots of information about food being for fun until a year old. If the sleep routine you have works for you, keep doing that!

In my experience I've yet to meet a good one. My one is a complete fat waste of space. I don't listen to her.

You do know the HV service is optional? There’s no need to insult the woman. HVs are a mixed bag. Some come up with very strange or out of date advice.

As PP, the safer sleep stuff etc when she was small and I really valued being able to get her weighed at clinic and then check out minor things at same time (sticky eye, chin rash, sort of thing).

However our service seems to have vanished without trace during Covid (understandable) and has not yet emerged, so I'm eagerly awaiting her two ish year check to see what gets said if/when it happens.
That said the HV weaning session I went to was very sensible and mainly on baby-led weaning but with an acknowledgement that not everybody would be planning to do that and they quite happily discussed pureeing vegetables and such too, so might be that you've just got a random one. Agree with PP bedtime is what works for you all at the time, and DD's is creeping earlier as she reduces her day nap over time.

I think it very much depends on the health visitor. I have been very fortunate to have had the same one for both my kids and her advice was always up to date and sensible.

There seems to be some rubbish ones out there though so if you aren't convinced, just smile and nod and then do your own research.

Worth checking about the toothpaste advice in your area. We don't have fluoridated water so babies are advised to use adult strength toothpaste, maybe that's what she meant? You still have to be a bit careful which one you choose though, it can't be whitening one etc.

Feel free to listen to the bits of advice that you like and ignore the others.

Having said that, I do agree with quite a lot of what she said! I think weetabix is a good breakfast for a baby (although I made it with formula rather than cows milk until one year old) and my DC was eating pasta and meat from around 6 months (not every meal). By 7 months he was eating three meals a day and showing less interest in his milk. I'm not saying that your ideas are wrong but be open to hers as well. Babies are all different, some take to solids more quickly than others.

Your baby your way. Introducing a wide range of foods as you suggest is a good thing and if you consider worldwide that babies get introduced to what is common in their culture then weetabix is definitely not a required first food! Ditto bedtime being what works for your family and your baby.
You are correct the advice on toothpaste is wrong. There are baby toothpastes that have less of something- I think it's fluoride so look for one suitable for under 2s.
HV are very mixed. I have had excellent support and utterly average so I tend to choose what I think is suitable for us and go from there.

Use your common sense, some of what they say is helpful.
I don’t understand your objection to 3 meals a day-my child started with a vegetable taste a day, you can fit a lot of tastes into a couple of wks, you will certainly build up to 2/3 meals by 7 months; also nothing wrong with letting them try some cooked pasta. Why so definitive with your “he won’t”?

Around here both dentists and hv advise adult toothpaste due to fluoride levels in the water. Other than that though advice seem strange or at least certainly not mandatory. I think go with what works for you weaning wise, ( obviously avoiding honey, sugar, salt etc) I found that sometimes baby didn’t get the memo with what I had planned! Same with routine, as long as you are all getting enough sleep and are happy I don’t see the big deal! It will all change anyway , several times!

It really is pot luck. The team I was under with my eldest were useless, but since then we've moved and so I'm under a different team for my new baby and they've been completely fantastic!

You don't need to follow their advice, which can be hit and miss. However, make sure you are getting your advice from reputable sources that use proper evidence-based research. For instance, using normal toothpaste right from the start is seen as best practice, although there is nothing wrong with using baby toothpaste instead.

I didn't see a hv with the second and with my first then seemed obsessive with weighing her.

What she said in my opinion was mainly common sense but she said to wake dd1 to feed her on a 3/4 hour schedule, I smiled and nodded, no way was I gonna wake a sleeping baby!

Worth remembering you can't 'stuff' a baby with anything, as they don't eat a hell of a lot and will spit out what they don't want anyway. As a pp said you can pretty much give them anything from the start. Also 3 meals a day isn't a hard and fast rule either IMO all babies are different.

So I would do what you want to do for your baby good luck

My ds was born at 36 weeks and was in hospital for 6 days in transitional care. On the day after he was discharged (so still only the equivalent of 37 weeks) the health visitor came round absolutely stinking of cigarette smoke and proceeded to handle my son. I mean she must have literally just had a fag in the car as the smell was so bad that it lingered for half an hour after she had left. I was absolutely gobsmacked.

Another completely different health visitor, I asked for advice on finger foods. I was thinking they might give me some ideas such as slices of mango or cucumber? She told me to feed my baby chips and sausages 😂

So yes take it with a pinch of salt if you have any modicum of common sense.

My first HV was crap and sent my anxiety through the roof with what she came out with, thankfully I've got a new one who is amazing.

As others sleep safety, weight etc I listened too.

Regarding weaning, I took it at my LO paces, when I knew he was ready for another meal to be added I added it. About 9 months he was on 3 meals.
I also didn't drop any bottles at 6 months as they aren't eating enough.

My LO also didn't go to bed til late at the age and it worked for us so I wasn't changing it!
It started getting earlier as he got older and it was all led by him.

Regarding toothpaste, I do use the baby one, I accidentally put ours on his toothbrush by mistake once and it was far too strong for him.

I suppose just regard her advice as just that; advisory information. It's not prescriptive and no one will be observing you to see if you're following it.

Some parents regard weaning as simply adding food to all the milk feeds so she has a valid point about aiming to cut his bottles down to three.
The aim is to wean your baby from milk to solid food. And I agree you should be aiming for 3 meals a day at 7-9 months.

Of course it doesn't matter if you don't follow guidelines to the letter. It's worth her telling new mums what sort of foods are suitable and giving examples of a diet a 6 or 7 month old could follow.

Perhaps you mentioned offering baby different vegetables and she is steering you more towards planning a balanced diet which should include starchy foods, protein, dairy as well as fruit and veg.

I don't know, perhaps she is a bit bossy! You don't have to have a health visitor if you don't want one.

It's interesting how things change. Weaning used to be at 3 months, by the time I had children (now in their 20s) we were told to hold off til 4 months (which was a struggle with my DS!)
They were on 3 meals a day by 7 months, ate almost everything by then, with a milk feed morning and night being an acceptable amount.
You have a clear view of how you want to feed your baby - as PP said to a certain extent you need to be lead by your baby, sometimes our ideals go out of the window when reality hits home!

Re toothpaste: babies shouldn't have fluoride toothpaste, especially as they swallow most of it. An adult fluoride-free toothpaste is fine but I'd have thought the taste too strong for a baby?

Re sleep. Well a bit ridiculous to be preparing for school already
Personally I'd keep it as is if it works for you and you are getting a good stretch of sleep yourself, and 6am isn't a ridiculously early start to the day. As your baby starts to sleep longer, making the bedtime gradually earlier (rather than sleeping later in the morning) was my preference so DH and I had some time in the evenings together.

Health Visitors aren't always right about everything but generally see a lot of babies and should have some useful knowledge and experience to share, so don't automatically dismiss everything they say, as a lot of people seem to do. If you don't agree with something they say, ask them why they think that as it's not what you've read etc and have the conversation. Health Visitors don't always agree with each other even, I found

I had one visit after my first birth who checked my wound (section) and weighed baby. Never had another one as she quit and there was a shortage and none at all for my second.
But I did take them to the health clinic, more for the excuse to go for a long walk. Other than the weighing and measuring for my red book everything else I took with a huge grain of salt. Anything you asked about baby was either put down to teething or growth spurt (my son didn't get his first tooth until 13 months so that was a lot of 'teething'). I don't remember them detailing anything specific about weaning as both were eating foods by six months and no issues with sleeping. If I had real concerns I'd have taken baby to the GP.

You sound like you know what you are doing, and have a happy baby, OP, so I would say take the HV's 'advice' with a huge pinch of salt.

I followed the advice with DC1 and introduced pureed foods etc etc. it was a lot of extra faff. When DC2 started started taking an interest in food himself he got purees for about a week, as far as I can remember, and then managed with whatever the rest of the family was eating. It did get mashed or cut up so he could eat with his hands, but that was about it.

The human race has developed and survived for a long time before HVs started insisting on 3 meals a day and that breakfast MUST be weetabix!

I smile when I look back.

My first DC cried and didn't sleep because he was hungry. The HV kept telling me, week after week that I must not give him any solids - to hold off as long as possible. I was so committed to following everything she said. First baby, scared to death I hurt him. It was a really difficult time.

My second is now 23.
As far as the HV is concerned he's still taking a bottle and hasn't had any solids - she never asked at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You live and learn!

I stopped having anything to do with the HVs after I told her I was suicidal (to the point of having a plan) due to PND and she told me to call back in a few days once the “phase has passed”.

As long as you’re getting your info from somewhere reputable (NHS website etc) then I see no reason to put the HVs advice over other information.

I lost a lot of faith w health visitors after I was repeatedly told DC1 definitely didn’t have a tongue tie and one even wrote “no problems with feeding” when I had literally just told her we’d finally been referred to have her tongue tie snipped.

I mostly smiled and nodded and referred to the NHS and reputable specialists. Btw it is fine for your baby to try pasta etc at 6 months, but equally fine if you prefer not to (caveat - am not a reputable specialist )

Regular toothpaste is fine, always used it with mine and they were used to the taste from tiny.
At 6 months they can eat anything. Start on veg if you want but they're perfectly capable of eating pasta.
The bedtime thing is nonsense. People get oddly het up about bed times. If your baby is well rested then who cares what hours they sleep?