How much do you listen to the Health Visitor advice?

[Eri21]

Hi,
So yesterday we had a HV visit regarding his weaning because he will be 6m next month and there’s a few things I don’t agree with her as a mum for my baby but from her it came almost as a “must”.
I definitely don’t want to start with baby porridges as the first foods although they are in my buy list for later. I definitely don’t want to give him weetabix with cows milk as a breakfast at 6m. And pasta or rice or even meat at 6m is also a no at this age in my opinion.
At 7m he should have 3 meals a day and bottles cut only to 3. (What?)
For me the first month or two is for introduction, showing different tastes, different vegetables. In my opinion there is no need to stuff him with meat or pasta at 6m. He will have plenty of time to eat all that.
And what if he doesn’t have 3 proper meals at 7m then what, end of the world?
Second thing which left me a bit on pause was her very pushy advice about his sleep. At the moment he goes to the bed between 9-10pm and usually sleeps until 6am or so. He kinda made this routine himself and at the moment it’s working for us. Her idea was to put him to the bed at 7 because I have to start preparing him for school - means going to the bed early. Preparing for school? At 6m?
Oh and when he starts teething I should use the normal adult toothpaste which again I think is totally not right.
So how much you listen to your HV advice about different things regarding your baby?

Yeah she sounds like a clown, they're very mixed. The toothpaste thing check with a dentist as it depends on the water in your area iirc - the first dentist visit should be around 6m old so find out then. Baby cereal is absolute crap so why she is recommending that I can't imagine. Other than that, do what you think is right but do be aware that babys tend to have their own ideas - some actually are ready for 3 meals a day at 7m although mine certainly weren't. Listen to your baby, not your mad HV

And yeah I’m not gonna even mentioned her idea how MY baby should sleep!

I really don't understand why health visitors are allowed to operate the way they do. They seem to wander about in some alternative reality where they can just give out any advice they personally feel is appropriate. Modern medicine is supposed to be evidence-based, and you'd think they'd all give the same advice, but depending on who you get, you will be told completely different things. Some of them are great, but then you get others, like the one who told my friend she had been BFing a one year old for too long

It's probably because it's a service mostly provided to women, and like so many other things in our society, female things don't need to be treated with any great seriousness (sorry, not going to derail any more!)

I have a great HV, she’s there in an advisory role but never pushes anything. Provides many options as part of her advice and helps me/DH to come up with solutions. Does the paperwork she needs to.

But from the same health centre I’ve heard horror stories of HVs similar to yours OP. They’ve caused a lot of upset and anxiety to the parents who have felt afraid to say no or not follow the advice/instructions

BLW has been how we have weaned 2 DCs and will continue for our third when he arrives. As others have said smile and nod and get her out of your house as quickly as possible

@Erysimium

I took no notice of the HV after she sent my baby to hospital because she knew fuck all about breastfed babies. She thought he was at risk because he wasn’t doing what bottle fed babies do.

You do know the HV service is optional?
No it isn’t. I tried to tell them to stop coming and they said while the HV service is technically optional, they would have to report me to social services if they were unable to gain access to verify the safety of my child.

The HV is bullying you. It’s an optional service and you can therefore opt out. SS would have no interest in a family that declined a HV unless the family were on their radar already. They don’t have the resources. I declined for all four of my DC - never heard from the HV or SS again.

Oh and I even forgot the best bit which left as both me and my DH laughing after she left - she just patted the coffee table and said that we MUST get rid of the coffee table. Not because of safety ( yes it’s low and it has sharp edges and I already researched those soft edge protectors when he starts crawling around ) but throw away whole table? Come on..
I’m not stupid I know about the safety and if it’s your job, explain please but not just tell us to throw away the table.

I remember mine with baby 3

For context I’d found out I was having him on the Monday and had him (stood up on the landing) on the Thursday morning

I ended up with pnd which got worse as my doctor refused to help me (advice was ‘go home and have a cup of tea-you’ll feel better’)

I remember her walking in-I’m sat there,unshowered,hair not washed,my breath stank and I looked like shite

I told her I felt awful-I couldn’t find the energy to get up to make a drink-I was sobbing all the time and just felt dreadful,like my brain was full of treacle and I didn’t want to be alive

she patted me on the head and said ‘I wouldn’t worry-your a perfect mummy-to your baby’ and walked out!

I rang them to say I didn’t want her to come back (very happy to have another lady tho) and was told they’d ring ss to take him away if they couldn’t see him

A very long story short,they would ring to arrange to see us and then not show up but would come round with no appointment-often ringing me to have a go at me if I wasn’t at home (they’d come when I was doing the nursery run for the others-and they knew this)

I changed doctors-their hv’s where a bit better but still not very helpful-advice for nits was to ‘pick them out by hand’ (no mention of conditioner and a comb)

I had pnd with no4 and it was a uphill battle to get help again but at least I didn’t have to see her again

My baby had similar sleep patterns to yours, OP and now she's 17mths and goes to bed around 7:30-8pm. She didn't need me to force this on her to prepare her for school, it just naturally happens.
We had zero contact from HV due to Covid which I'm glad about as I know they'd have issues with her eating issues etc. Before Covid our HV appeared to have no interest in our daughter, no interaction at all - just made sure her ticky boxes were done ASAP and left.

We've moved recently so had to have a visit from a new HV and she was lovely. No concerns over the house being a dump at the mo, no concerns about the feeding issues and she played with my daughter for a while. Completely different from the previous HV.
If she had been like the one OP described, I'd be refusing further visits.

23 years ago my first HVs were useless. Made you feel like a terrible mum and I just didn't see the point of them.

5 years ago we had a fabulous one who was amazing with a very high needs baby. Sadly when baby was 6 months old she left and we ended up with a crap one again. So we brushed them off as soon as possible.

As pp's, smile and nod, and then decline the next visit. You need to be happy with your own routines, and if it works, it works.

For example, I would never have done BLW, for me I just couldn't stand the mess, so I did do pureeing, but of things we were already eating, so no faff at all. So if a Health Visitor had suggested that, it would have been a no from me!

@Eri21

Oh and I even forgot the best bit which left as both me and my DH laughing after she left - she just patted the coffee table and said that we MUST get rid of the coffee table. Not because of safety ( yes it’s low and it has sharp edges and I already researched those soft edge protectors when he starts crawling around ) but throw away whole table? Come on.. I’m not stupid I know about the safety and if it’s your job, explain please but not just tell us to throw away the table.

Ha ha ha, she would have had a field day in our house. No cupboard or fridge clips, no corner protectors, tables with glass middles, etc etc. The only thing I put in was socket covers.

@BigWoollyJumpers The only thing I put in was socket covers why did you do the one thing that causes a danger rather than prevents one?
Op adult toothpaste is necessary to prevent tooth decay, baby toothpaste has barely enough flouride.

Baby toothpaste tends to have 1000ppm fluoride now and that's what's recommended up to age 3 (a smear). After that it's 1450ppm and a pea sized blob

The only thing I put in was socket covers

These aren't recommended in the UK and can make the sockets more dangerous

My health visitor is lovely very helpful and offers advice without being rude or overbearing. Your health visitor sounds like a total nightmare you could always ask for a new one or just say you don't want one. I have a couple of friends who had rude overbearing health visitors with outdated advice and they just switched.

As long as your baby is happy and healthy I'd rely on your own instincts

For dd who had major heart problems, my HV operated at almost hysterical panic level and sent me to A&E so many times because dd's weight gain did not follow the charts by an ounce which was incredibly stressful for me and dd due to the long wait and the fact dd was a very fussy baby. When I finally saw the A&E doctor, he was like wtf and wondering why the HV even referred me as if he could make dd gain weight. HV told me to scoff cakes and cream so that my milk was more rich - corker. I never thought to complain because dd was my first and I needed the support for her health problems but I have to say I was glad that shortly after dd was more than a year old, that HV is no longer a HV.

For ds, I was wiser. He was absolutely fine healthwise but like dd, a terrible sleeper. That HV was on a mission to make me sleep train him. I 'smiled and nodded' and crossed to the other side of the road.

I take what they say with a pinch of salt! I don't like confrontation and I can't be bothered arguing with someone I don't know or care about. I sit there and nod along with what they are saying and then usually ignore it if I don't agree.

They told me to drop my 7month old down to 3 bottles a day so she wld take food. I actually did say isn't that below the minimum amount etc she was like no it's fine she needs to eat more. I did not drop her down from 5/6 bottles to 3! I dropped a bottle at a time, it didn't make a big difference to her eating. She wld have wasted away had I dropped her to 3 bottles. I gave up with weaning at 6 months because there was no point she wasn't very interested restarted at 7 months and she got better about 9 months. She's now 20 months and still doesn't eat loads. Eats a lot at bfast hardly anything for lunch and dinner sometimes a lot sometimes nothing 🙄

Bedtime, u put him to bed when u want to when he's tiered or whatever his routine is. My youngest goes to bed about 7.30-8pm. It was more 7-7.30 when she was younger. My 4yr old is currently about 9-9.30 sometimes later. She starts school next year and she will automatically go to bed earlier as she'll be knackered. Just now light nights and the heat it's just not happening before 9pm.

Adult toothpaste 😱 NO No No

Honestly they really shouldn't be advising ppl what they do. There will be some mums out there that will follow what they say which is worrying!

I forgot about the HV with my first born. She told me to take her for a walk and leave her out the back in the pram and get on with my day/housework. Very pushy about it too. My dh wouldn't have believed me if he hadn't been there to hear it. She was stuck in the 1960's I think 😂

@billiebeeme, several posters have already said that adult tooth paste is fine for children as long as it is standard toothpaste and dentists and the nhs website agrees. You don’t have to use it but actually nothing wrong with that advice.
Parenting is about choices, nothing wrong with choices OP is making but HV advice wasn’t that terrible either as long as it was presented as a choice rather than what must be done.

@dementedpixie

The only thing I put in was socket covers

These aren't recommended in the UK and can make the sockets more dangerous

Interesting, just looked it up, and the advice changed in 2016 - way after my children were babies..... I'm old!

The fact that she's telling parents to give a baby adult toothpaste is massively worrying. That will burn there little gums!!! She sounds like she dosent have a clue

@Katefoster please read nhs website and speak to dentists before saying this

I always found health visitors to be pretty useless, frankly.

Trust your instincts.

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