How much do you listen to the Health Visitor advice?

[Eri21]

Hi,
So yesterday we had a HV visit regarding his weaning because he will be 6m next month and there’s a few things I don’t agree with her as a mum for my baby but from her it came almost as a “must”.
I definitely don’t want to start with baby porridges as the first foods although they are in my buy list for later. I definitely don’t want to give him weetabix with cows milk as a breakfast at 6m. And pasta or rice or even meat at 6m is also a no at this age in my opinion.
At 7m he should have 3 meals a day and bottles cut only to 3. (What?)
For me the first month or two is for introduction, showing different tastes, different vegetables. In my opinion there is no need to stuff him with meat or pasta at 6m. He will have plenty of time to eat all that.
And what if he doesn’t have 3 proper meals at 7m then what, end of the world?
Second thing which left me a bit on pause was her very pushy advice about his sleep. At the moment he goes to the bed between 9-10pm and usually sleeps until 6am or so. He kinda made this routine himself and at the moment it’s working for us. Her idea was to put him to the bed at 7 because I have to start preparing him for school - means going to the bed early. Preparing for school? At 6m?
Oh and when he starts teething I should use the normal adult toothpaste which again I think is totally not right.
So how much you listen to your HV advice about different things regarding your baby?

I've seen some really great HVs and a couple of awful ones. The one thing I remember was a good one saying "officially, I need to tell you to do x, y and z but from my experience as a mother you do what you feel is right so long as baby is happy and healthy" and she suggested some things she did with her own children that wasn't official guidance...by far the best advice I'd ever received.

I had some very good advice from HVs. And some barmy advice (such as sending my older DD to a school a few miles away rather than the local one as it was posher and more suitable for my DDs background ) They used to run a baby first aid course as well.

I didn't like giving weetabix, but did give porridge (as in oats, not baby porridge or readybrek). Younger DD liked sucking on strips of meat (she refused spoons, just wanted food she could pick up)

Sleep... I coslept. All HV ever asked was if I had read up on safety guidelines, which I had. But couldn't give me official NHS guidance as it was against the rules.

We did baby led weaning - our son ate exactly what we ate from when he could sit up unaided (about 7 months). No faffing about with purees or spoons, he's fed himself from day one. We just cut up his food smaller. He's 18m now and eats most things, he's not fussy (yet). Health visitor told us to add in a spoon feed "to top him up" - well he wasn't having any of that, so we ignored it.

As for sleep, no one can control that other than your baby! So just keep doing what works for you and don't worry about what the health visitor says.

I don't think there was anything massively off with her advice to be fair. The toothpaste thing was just repeating what it currently says on the NHS website - babies can use the baby toothpaste but are also fine to use adult toothpaste as long as it's just a smear.

Re the weaning, did she just mean that from six months everything is fine to give in appropriate forms? Baby led weaning is all about going straight in with whatever you're eating, including pasta etc if you want to. So not wrong, but might not be your preference. Feel free to just do whatever you think is best.

Just ignore the sleep bit though!

I think you need to take them with a pinch of salt - a lot is their opinion. All of my friends have been told different things from HV.

Sleep patterns vary so much between children. My DC has never been asleep by 7pm. My HV and some of my friends were horrified by this, but DC sleeps 9pm-8am - this suits us, it means me and DH see DC when we return from work. Follow your child’s lead.

With weaning, it sounds like your HV is pushing baby led weaning. I didn’t do this. I did purées and gradually introduced different tastes to check for allergies first, then when DC was maybe 7.5/8m I introduced some baby led weaning foods. But only after DC had tasted all the fruits and veg. Your baby will let you know what they want - I have friends who tried purées and their baby grabbed solid food so they moved to baby led weaning quicker than me. I liked the Ella’s kitchen book for weaning, I thought it was really clear and had useful tips and ideas. Sounds like you know what you’re doing though.

At 6m, DD was just having a bit of tastes of things. Then eventually she had breakfast of porridge/toast/eggs/yoghurt and milk at all other times. And gradually introduced dinner and then lunch. I think she was on 3 meals at around 9 months?

You can give those foods from 6 months
You can use adult toothpaste (just use less of it!) for the whole family even babies.
You could start an earlier bedtime so that it's easier to fit into a school or nursery routine later on.

That doesn't me a you must do those things, it's just advice/guidance and can take with a massive pinch of salt.

As regards child safety and vaccines and medical advice? I usually take this on board and if I don't agree 100% I will go do my own research. I'm not arrogant enough to think that I know everything and I know the advice changes a lot, so they are usually up to date on things. That said I have had Health visitors from the same time contradict each other completely so I do like to fact check too!

A lot of parenting is common sense and intuition though. There are always things we miss as parents, that we don't already know or need help with but for the most part it's about finding our own way and building our own relationship with our child.

Her idea was to put him to the bed at 7 because I have to start preparing him for school - means going to the bed early. Preparing for school? At 6m?

Yeah well at that point I'd move to nodding, smiling and "don't let the door catch your arse on the way out" and treat all subsequent advice accordingly.

They vary like any other group. I found mine utterly useless, she used to obsess about tea towels and if I asked her a question she just dished out a leaflet. I've known other women find theirs really helpful. Just take her as you find her - if she isn't helpful or useful then don't use her.

@StepladderToHeaven

Feel free to listen to the bits of advice that you like and ignore the others.

Having said that, I do agree with quite a lot of what she said! I think weetabix is a good breakfast for a baby (although I made it with formula rather than cows milk until one year old) and my DC was eating pasta and meat from around 6 months (not every meal). By 7 months he was eating three meals a day and showing less interest in his milk. I'm not saying that your ideas are wrong but be open to hers as well. Babies are all different, some take to solids more quickly than others.

Why is Weetabix a good breakfast? It's processed and has added sugar?

Plain porridge and milk is a better choice.
Eggs are a better choice...
Yoghurt is a good choice...

I pretty much ignored their advice too, for my first they patronised me and treated any concerns as nervous first mother issues. For context dc1 screamed most of the day and was feeding every hour to 1.5 hours day and night still at 4 months. It didn't matter if I took him for a walk in the pushchair or cuddled him (Hv great advice) he had terrible skin (apparent cradle cap according to Hv)

I took him to gp at 4.5 months and they trialled him on dairy free formula. Like magic he was a happy contented baby with clear skin. It was like a different baby within 48 hours.

But according to the Hv it was a touch of colic and cradle cap and nothing to worry about and get over it and baby's cry and need cuddles sometimes.

Dc2 I went to weigh clinic and that was it. They don't even both with a 1 year check anymore "unless I had concerns"

weetabix with cows milk as a breakfast at 6m - this is a perfectly good breakfast from 6 months .

pasta or rice or even meat at 6m - also fine at that age

At 7m he should have 3 meals a day and bottles cut only to 3 - dont agree with this. Think mine dropped to 3 feeds around 9 months (be guided by the child)

At the moment he goes to the bed between 9-10pm and usually sleeps until 6am or so - if this works for you then that's fine

Oh and when he starts teething I should use the normal adult toothpaste - toothpaste should have a minimum 1000ppm fluoride. Children's toothpaste often had this level of fluoride anyway

Re toothpaste: babies shouldn't have fluoride toothpaste, especially as they swallow most of it.

Children should have fluoride toothpaste. A smear of a minimum 1000ppm is what's recommended.

I definitely took both the midwives and health visitors' advice with a pinch of salt. One of the midwives was telling me not to eat salad or peas in case it gave my baby wind through the breast milk. I'd already read enough at that point to ignore her advice!

In fairness to your HV though, I think that she is giving the standard current advice on weaning. Now that babies aren't weaned till 6 months, you need to progress on to iron rich foods very quickly or they will get anemia. So it makes sense for her to recommend porridge or meat for that reason. If you want to stick to fruit and veg at first you will need to research high iron content foods to add to your purees. Spinach and apricots are good ones.

Mine was alright - I listened to her but alongside other sources (nhs weaning website for example) and made my own decisions. Some of what she said i didn’t agree with completely but there was nothing wildly out of line.

She’s not hugely wrong on weaning - porridge and weetabix are perfectly good breakfasts for babies - and it’s totally fine to give cows milk in food although you can start with baby’s usual milk. I’ve been giving cows milk on porridge (not baby porridge just the normal stuff) since DD was about 7 months I think.

I personally think introducing a wide range of tastes, textures and food groups from early on is a good thing. We did the veg led weaning for about 2 weeks too, but she was definitely ready to move on and doing that for months wouldn’t have been enough for her. It’s also important to introduce allergens early on - so things like egg, nuts, and introducing wheat eg in the form of pasta is a good thing too. You need to be giving iron rich foods as well as baby’s supplies of iron have depleted by 6 months, they don’t get it from breast milk and although formula is fortified it’s not the easiest to absorb that way. Meat is a good source of iron but not the only one of course. There’s other important nutrients too.

As for them being on 3 meals - just go at the baby’s pace. My DD was probably on 3 meals by about 7 and a half months. She was ready for it, and enjoys joining in family mealtimes. She’s nearly 1 and eats a wide and healthy diet and enjoys joining in family mealtimes, I’m glad I didn’t limit her and that she had loads of practice. You’re right there’s no huge rush and it might be your DS isn’t ready for 3 meals at 7 or even 8 months, but you might find he is. You seem to object to the idea of ‘filling him up’ but that’s kind of the point isn’t it? I wouldn’t over worry about dropping milk feeds but again, you might find that he’s ready to after a while. I stressed about it with DD but looking back she let me know when she was ready.

I really rate the NHS Healthy Start website for info on weaning, as well as SR Nutrition who has a great blog and tons of information on her Instagram account. She’s a child nutritionist - she has a book out but I just used the free stuff online.

Sleep - I’d ignore that, as I ignored my own HV’s ideas about sleep. If what you’re doing works then it works.

Toothpaste - depends where you live. Baby toothpaste doesn’t have as much fluoride added to it. In my area we don’t have much fluoride added to the water either so the advice is to use (a mild) adult toothpaste for the whole family. My HV didn’t actually ever tell me that other local mums did and was confirmed by the dentist.

Smile, nod, do what works for you. Unless it's actual health or safety advice, obviously. Otherwise just carry on doing what works for you. As long as baby is happy and healthy that's all that matters.

If your bedtime routine works, I can't see any benefit in changing it, sounds like it's going great!

firstly, what voodoo magic did you do to actually be able to see a HV in person.

I agree with PP that there's nothing wrong with giving those foods at 6m but I think if you aren't comfortable then don't do it.

I totally ignored their advice because it was useless. The first one we had was convinced my cat would murder my child and I absolutely had to shut him out of any room the baby was in (he had and still has absolutely zero interest in DD). The second one refused to give me support when I wanted to bottle feed, so from then I decided to never use their "service" again.

@dementedpixie

Re toothpaste: babies shouldn't have fluoride toothpaste, especially as they swallow most of it.

Children should have fluoride toothpaste. A smear of a minimum 1000ppm is what's recommended.

I intended to say regular fluoride toothpaste, sorry, really misleading typo - I am sure there is too much for a baby in regular adult toothpaste ?

I remember having a bit of a meltdown trying to get DS1 off breastfeeding around 6 months as he wouldn't take formula. Phoned them to ask for help and if I could try cow's milk instead of formula. To which I got told "well cow's milk is for cow's."

Others I've found a bit more useful. I think it's another avenue of information for you to weigh up yourself.

Once they start weaning they can quickly progress to meals. But to have such a hard line about 3 meals by 7 months is strange.

Current guidance is that weaning babies can have everything apart from too much salt and honey. Honey isn't recommended until they are 1.

But it's your choice.

Nope, I was told by a health visitor that my baby had reflux or colic when in fact he had a UTI ending up with urosepsis at 6 weeks old. I also had no contact during the pandemic. They are an absolute waste of money.

I do my own thing no matter what they suggest tbh. Due our 6th child soon, others have thrived with me doing what I thought best so don't need their input much.

@Wanttocry

I stopped having anything to do with the HVs after I told her I was suicidal (to the point of having a plan) due to PND and she told me to call back in a few days once the “phase has passed”.

As long as you’re getting your info from somewhere reputable (NHS website etc) then I see no reason to put the HVs advice over other information.

I was referred to health visitors while I waited for counselling for PND. 5 months later they called me to ask how I was. When I said it was difficult to talk because I was at work she told me everything must be fine then as I was back at work and we'll leave it at that.

That was my only interaction with health visitors except when they came round for the one visit after birth when she spent most of the time quizzing me about what my DP thought about DD having my surname. All the weighing etc was done by assistants who didn't really give advice.

Your health visitor is box checking, but not necessarily offering practical advice.

It's recommended to introduce foods of certain categories early like allergens because at 6 months the intestines change and absorption becomes different. That is practical.

However I'm pretty sure health visitors should also be au fait with the UNICEF baby friendly initiative which recommends responsive bottle feeding. Responsive bottle feeding has no upper age limit, but it is important to remember that you can overfeed a formula fed baby. This is why it's recommended to do little but often. Again. Your health visitor is box checking.

Likewise, the UNICEF baby friendly initiative is against sleep training, and I was under the impression that these are the guidelines health visitors should follow.

It's ultimately up to the parent how they handle their baby's sleep. Her advice seems to have come under the idea that you're spoiling your baby somehow by following their routine rather than smashing your baby into your routine. It's a very old fashioned way of thinking. This is not practical advice, nor does it match with current guidelines.

But she can also check the box to say she's talked about sleep with you.

Oh thank you so much everyone 🌺 You made me feel one hundred thousand percent better!
I will definitely listen to some of her advice but mainly leave it to my own research and inner voice.
And regarding the foods - yes I know you can give pretty much anything except the few things ( salt, sugars etc,) , and I’m more than committed to give him good and balanced food or at least start introducing him to it but her “you have to” left me a bit… hmmhm. And if I don’t want to give him the damn weetabix yet I’m not going to.
And other than he is thriving and his weight is perfectly fine so no worries about that too.
Again thank you everyone!

My dentist said to use normal adult toothpaste from day one (when they get teeth), just only use a tiny bit for babies.

I'd take advise with a pinch of salt. My health visitor told me I wouldn't be able to breastfeed successfully because I'm vegetarian. I pointed out that my DM had fed 3DC perfectly well. I fed my 3 for 9-10 months each & they're all doing fine!

I took no notice of the HV after she sent my baby to hospital because she knew fuck all about breastfed babies. She thought he was at risk because he wasn’t doing what bottle fed babies do.

You do know the HV service is optional?
No it isn’t. I tried to tell them to stop coming and they said while the HV service is technically optional, they would have to report me to social services if they were unable to gain access to verify the safety of my child.