Why are bad kids favoured at school???

[MrsSnape]

I'm so angry. My son has been bullied by a kid in his year for the past 2 years. He's the "most popular" kid in the class and his family are known trouble causers...hence when he does anything wrong the teachers are wary about approaching his mother.

Anyway, he doesn't only bully my son, he's been bullying another kid at the school for the past 2 years and has recently moved onto DS's friend (another quiet one) and started a fight with my DS on friday. Today he tried to trip DS up again and start another fight.

Yet, who is it that is always up in the achievement assemblys? Who is it that was chosen for the school council? who is it that always gets the best parts in the plays?

Probably sounds like sour grapes but why are these kinds of kids always favoured by the teachers when they make life hell for the quieter kids that DO behave??

MrsSnape, I think it is absolutely outrageous the way the school is rewarding this boy?s bad (or should I say naughty?) behavior in this manner. Yes, it is not the boy?s fault, it is the way he has been brought up and he obviously does not have the best role models at home, but surely he needs to see some consequences for being a bully.
The school are obviously aware that your son is experiencing this problem (they even told you ?he has that type of personality?, what a lame excuse)
If I were you I would talk to the school and tackle it from your son?s point of view. I wouldn?t bother complaining about how the other boy is being chosen from school council or being given parts in play, I would rather explain than your boy needs to build his self esteem and feel more included, they have to do something about it by making part of the plays, the council, etc. Surely if they are concerned about helping the naughty boy they should also be concerned about encouraging your child?s confidence.

To op - have had same problem at primary school. I complained and they do seem to make the effort now to reward good behaviour as well.

Oh, don't get me on this one.

DD2 has a girl with what she's obviously heard speak of 'behavioural problems'. DD - I think - appreciates this.

What she does not understand is why this girl is allowed to get away with murder, have it go unchecked, and still get rewarded with stickers/picked to be games captain/allowed to blow bubbles with bubble gum in class/whatever. I really feel for her on this one. I know why it's being done, but it must be very hard to understand from an 8 year olds perspective.

I think Tiny has some good dieas in her post.

I also think the reality is that many of us have kids who experienced bullying (heck DS is home offs chool today he was atatcked so badly, and I was held out a 4th storey window as a teenager by the school bully). Some will be in a situation where its easy to see why the bully is behaving as they are (in our case with DS bully has a terrible home life and ASD kids such as DS are sadly often targets anyhow as they dont really understand and are vulnerable). Other children might be from settled backgrounds and whilst I would argue until the cows come home that you can never be sure of a childs homelife, presumably some bullies just 'are'.

The techniques that seem to have helped DS so far have involved allowing him a safe space to withdraw to (the library) if he feels threatened, and lots of circle time focussing ion relationship management.

Please dont assume that not knowing of sanctions = no sanctions, schools aren't able to discuss this with you.

I also know that DS has beena ccused of being a bully in the past and he really isn't, he has a medical inability to correctly understand relationships and communication transactions due to ASD and the aprents think he gets away with murder and that we sanction this- we don't. Not only have we petitioned the school to be former on occasion, we have fought the LEA for years t get support in palce (via a statement in ds's case), and there is literally nothing more we can do. of course, ds's case is a bit different as he is NSN (and he receeives a damned sight more than he gives), but I am not sure all the aprents even are aware of the SN- why would they be, after all? The ones who see him in the playground yes, but like any school a lot of aprents use after school care etc and wouldn't have done.

Thats the same situation as for us peachy. I make no secret of the fact ds has sn but I am quite sure that not all the parents know and to them ds must seem like a thug sometimes but he really isn't. He has lots of support and input at home and school to try and teach him how to play appropriately with his friends but he still doesn't really 'get' it and so is often overlly rough. He also has no idea about persoanl space and this can be quite intimidating for other children. As peachy, MB and others have said just becuase you are not aware of any sanctions for bad behaviour doesn't mean that they are not happening.

That said some children are bullies and its not always clear why they would act like that.