Why are bad kids favoured at school???

[MrsSnape]

I'm so angry. My son has been bullied by a kid in his year for the past 2 years. He's the "most popular" kid in the class and his family are known trouble causers...hence when he does anything wrong the teachers are wary about approaching his mother.

Anyway, he doesn't only bully my son, he's been bullying another kid at the school for the past 2 years and has recently moved onto DS's friend (another quiet one) and started a fight with my DS on friday. Today he tried to trip DS up again and start another fight.

Yet, who is it that is always up in the achievement assemblys? Who is it that was chosen for the school council? who is it that always gets the best parts in the plays?

Probably sounds like sour grapes but why are these kinds of kids always favoured by the teachers when they make life hell for the quieter kids that DO behave??

OK lets for a second assume that 'bad kids' do exist (I disagree vehemently with this point by the way)

So what are you suggesting should be done about 'bad kids'?

How old are these children? I mean your ds and the bad boy?

That was for you Greeny.

What should be done? I don't know...how about some kind of punishment? Make him stay in at playtime if he can't keep his hands to himself...that would be a start.
And no I don't see why my son should have to spend his day with kids like this, I certainly wouldnt spend a day at work with a person that was calling me and my family names and then hitting me on the sly every 5 minutes.

"I was told that my son has "the kind of personality" that attracts bullies and he was offered councelling"

go back

write and demand written response

take it to governors and LEA

[bangs head on desk repeatedly]

The children are 9.

If this child's mother is in with the teacher every day then it sounds to me as though she and the school are trying to address the issue.

I can't understand this approach either. Whether or not the little darling has a hard time at home he's still at school to follow the same rules as everyone else. Bullying other children should not be rewarded in any way, shape or form - there are plenty of other approaches the school can take if they feel that the child needs extra support.

I'm always very about rewarding bad behaviour - when they are toddlers we know to reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad. Why do some schools (fortunately not all) suddenly feel that at aged 5 this need no longer apply?

okie, me and op are two very differnet poeple, but i have similar concerns. my ds isnt bullied as much as his friend, but i think that is down to personalities, size etc.
i also disagree with the title. 'bad kids' however i do see how the op has said it. it is nt something thought out, just normal day to day speech, that i agree isnt really appropriate, but i do understand that she means baldy behaved kids.
and yes, schools doe end up looking as if they are rewarding bad behaviour with their constant attention to kids and their parents who behave badly. and yes, there are some very badly behaved kids out there.

We find that there are some children who, sadly, are often the brunt of bullies. This shouldn't happen.

There are two things that the school should do.

Have an active and useful anti bullying policy that they actually stick to

Help the bullied child build their confidence to make such attacks less likely to happen in the future. We use assertiveness training and it can be very helpful in cases like this.

Non of this means that your child 'deserved' it, or anything daft like that. But helping to stop it happening can only be for the good.

Teachers don't reward bad behaviour - they simply lower goals for good behaviour. E.G. my ds is in year 3 and gets stickers if he sits still and doesn't interrupt as he finds this really hard (he has ADHD but other parents and children don't know this) He does not get rewarded for bad behaviour and their are consequences for him if he is aggressive.

oops, last bit of last post meant to say badly behaved parents as well as kdis

yes agree, take it to lea. and governeors. doubt ifv governors will do anything though

The child is patently not 'bad' though, he is doing something right otherwise there would not be the rewards that the OP mentions in first post, how could there be?

There is either a neurological condition or a social condition at the root of this.

Your concern is in ensuring your child is in a safe place not in considering punishment for the 'bad child'. I can appreciate how difficult this is. You probably need to shout a bit louder with the school to be heard. And go beyond if you're not heard.

I am sorry for you, I really am. I know the red mist that descends when it is your child who is the brunt of issues. Your ire is warranted but really should not be directed at the 9 year old. If you can try to stop that it would do you good.

There may or may not be 'bad kids' but there are certainly kids who behave badly and others who (mostly) behave better.

The 'good' ones should get recognition too. Sure, try to catch the 'bad' ones being good and reward it, but just taking the others 'natural goodness' for granted isn't fair.

DDs school has a weekly 'merit award' for each class - which can be for achievement, conduct or effort or whatever - and it gets dished out fairly as far as I can see. It can be done - it sounds like MrsSnapes son's school is not getting the balance right. If they need to reward some kids more then -duh- they need to allow for more than one acheivement award per class or something so that the other kids don't lose out.

To be fair, it would bloody annoy me if my child was being bullied and another very poorly behaved child was being rewarded/ineffectually dealt with. Of course I would hate that. I don't see that happening in my school though, thank goodness.

But the thread title - and the OP's childish attitude - depressing, frankly. Playing ping-pong over who started things and who has the most computer games is just mind-bogglingly inappropriate. I would be annoyed if one of my children tried to address a bullying problem in this way, never mind a parent.

Oh it can and should be handed out fairly.

But for some children sitting still for 5 minutes is a real achievement, as great as another behaving beautifully all day, or even all week.

I'm not saying that such 'good' behaviour shouldn't be rewarded but am trying to explain why some lower levels of attainment are still as praiseworthy

My dd can write 200 words are the drop of a hat, with next to no effort. My ds struggles like hell to put together a sentence. I realise how it must look to the outside, but I know which is really most praiseworthy

So, to the tack-spitters, it's OK to phrase your OP as 'Why are badly-behaved kids favoured at school,' but it's not OK to ask 'Why are bad kids favoured at school?'

Semantics, surely? What lies at the root of this venom whenever the subject is raised. Honestly, I'm curious.

For me, the reason I raised the issue was that if you call a child 'bad' or 'stupid' or whatever, they tend to end up living up to your negative expectations.

I have every sympathy with the OP, and have said so, but naming a child 'bad' is seldom helpful.

the bullying issue is serious, something of a different issue and should be sorted by the school.

and fwiw, the perception that a child is being praised for 'nothing' can occur if the child's background level of behaviour isn't fully understood.

I often praise children for completing work in a lesson. In other sets that would be taken as read, but for some children it is a real achievement. And deserves praise

What's a "tack-spitter"?

It's the labelling of a child as "bad" that I object to. Of course in a sense it's semantics - but that doesn't render it meaningless. Language is very powerful. Destructive labels stick, especially to children.

Agree with Twiglett that your concern should be with your own child's safety and well-being. Directing insulting and damning remarks at the other 9yo child involved isn't going to do you or your child any good.

""

we used to agree a lot I seem to remember, yet in recent months have been at opposite ends it seems

the "" was harsh by the way

Our local secondary school has a new "motto" - reward the majority for behaving well, rather than the minority for not behaving badly.

Dpoes that make sense?

That came as a result of the students complainging that if they were well behaved usually, then they didn't get commendations etc, but that if the less well behaved kids did somehting well, they were rewardede still.

Nppe, have confused my self now, but i know what i mean!

I fully agree, MB and others, that labelling a child as 'bad' is counter-productive. But I'm assuming that MrsSnape has not used this terminology to the boy in question. She's simply used it here, for the purpose of banging some ideas and opinions around.

I can't help thinking, Greensleeves, that MrsSnape has been a little bullied on this thread .. simply for offending the thought police.

If her little boy is being consistently bullied, she has a right to feel aggrieved .. as you yourself have mentioned. I think the level-headed advice on here has been superb, especially with regard to tackling the school, and building up your boy's self-esteem to a point where being bullied is no longer a part of his life.

But telling people to grow up, and accusing them of irrational whingeing hardly makes you an appropriate advocate.

You may not believe in bad kids, but plenty of us do. If my son was being bullied, I wouldn't give a fiddler's fuck as to the causes why. That's a luxury you have cause to ponder at leisure when it's not your kid in the firing line.