Can a 10 week old be away from their mother for a weekend?

[pipko]

I need some advice. I have a 2 and a half month old/ 10 week old daughter and to say she is hard work would be an understatement. My daughters father and I are no longer together, we actually separated during my pregnancy. He is still in my daughters life, however, he lives 3 hours away from where my daughter and I stay. He is in England, I am in Scotland. He has only been able to visit her 4 times in 10 weeks due to work, Covid, accommodation and other circumstances. He makes it clear he wants to be in her life and is desperate for me to allow him to take her to his hometown for a weekend to give me a much needed break. I’ve continued to tell him that she can’t travel 3hrs and be away from me for a weekend as I feel she is too young and god forbid if something was to happen I’m 3 hours away!! However, recently I’ve been really struggling. I’m looking after her on my own. She has extreme acid reflux, a suspected cmpa and probably a good bit of colic as well. She is on Neocate formula and Omeprazole but nothing seems to be working. She is so extremely unsettled and scream cries for hours and hours. It’s inconsolable crying at this point, nothing soothes her. Not to mention she doesn’t sleep so neither do I. I’ve still not managed to get back to any kind of normality, working, trips out the house with her etc.. I am pretty much housebound with her, everyday is like Groundhog Day, I really don’t get a rest. I absolutely know this stage won’t last forever and it will get easier but when you’re in the midst of it, it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel and a helping hand would be nice.
My question is- should I allow her father to have her for the weekend to give me a break? It means she would travel 3 hours / 1 and a half hour by train from me and stay with her father and his family over a weekend. Would that make me a bad mother? It’s not like he just lives round the corner, he is 3hrs away. I feel she only really knows me as she has only been with him 3/4 times in 10 weeks. But at the end of the day he is her father, I know he will look after her, he is willing to help and wants a relationship with her.. so is a 10 week old too young to be away for a weekend without their mother?

@Workyticket

The baby will be absolutely fine.

Everyone saying 'baby needs mum etc' Well - Mine was in nicu for weeks and had no choice but to be without me. As long as she is looked after that really is all that matters.

NICU is very hard, also very different to having been out in the world, attached to her mother, having a hard time, and then given to a virtual stranger who is also an inexperienced and likely very frustrated new carer for 3 days.. Anyway, if you'd rtft you'd have seen that the op has got a better suggestion anyway.

It'd be a no from me.

If you have room to allow him to stay at yours overnight that could be a compromise to allow you a break and him some bonding time.

I'd not be able to relax knowing my young baby is 3hours away. I'd be an anxious mess and in a worse state than I was before she left.

I'd ask him to book somewhere near me at the soonest possible date (if that's October then so be it) and I'd be planning a lovely little respite weekend then.

Don't do it. I have a 12 week old. Either have him stay or go with her.

Absolutely not.

Obviously a newborn baby can physically survive separation from their mother, and if baby or mother needs medical treatment and they cannot stay together, then the lesser evil is to separate them and provide treatment. It is far from ideal, but unavoidable.

In this situation there is NO benefit to the baby or mother. The DF just wants to parade his baby around his hometown. If he had any real concern for his baby's wellbeing, he would make more effort to spend time with her in her familiar environment.