Being eaten out of house and home!!

[StormcloakNord]

DD7 has a friend that comes round almost every day during the week in the hols. DD can't (or won't) go to hers because she lives in a flat and has an older brother who is (according to DD) very mean and ruins their fun.

Whilst I don't mind this, as they're very good at keeping themselves entertained in DD's room, it's costing me a fortune in food!

Every half hour or so they're downstairs asking for snacks, eating fruit, drinking juice etc. DD7 doesn't usually eat anything as she's used to 3 square meals a day but this other little girl that comes round is always always hungry and asking for food.

One part of me is getting irritated because they keep eating the fruit I'm buying which isn't exactly cheap, but I'm torn because what if for some reason she isn't getting enough food at home and she genuinely is hungry when she comes round?!

I hate the summer holidays 😩

I would suggest you make up some squash in a jug for them to drink. Once that is done they get water. I wouldn't be giving food every half an hour. One snack at 10.30/11 and that is it. It can be some crackers and cheese or sliced apple. Something relatively cheap. Do you send her home to have lunch?

I wouldn’t be having her round all day, every day-that would just piss me off too much. They don’t need to see each other for that long and I would want DC to have time away doing other things.

I’d have scheduled visits once or twice a week, eg 11-4 come to play.

I’d give a good lunch at 12 and a snack at 2, and squash/water whenever they want-and that’s that-I’d just say if they ask for food again. I’m not a snack shop or childcare!

@ApolloandDaphne Yes I do send her home for lunch.

I'll have to just start buying more 'snack' stuff. As a family we aren't big on snacks so don't usually have stuff like that in but I'll make a point of buying.

I agree with Apollo
yogurt is also good. or some scrambled eggs and sliced cucumbers and carrot sticks

but why can't you just say no?
I say no to my kids when they whinge about food within 2hours of having just eaten

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I feel like a monster if I say no.

I wouldn't usually say no to DD if she wanted something to eat as she only ever asks if she's genuinely hungry.

I just worry that she's not had anything to eat at home so comes here starving?! And here I am a total monster saying no to food. She's just a wee crater as well.

I'll have to just start buying more 'snack' stuff. As a family we aren't big on snacks so don't usually have stuff like that in but I'll make a point of buying

That wouldn’t be my response at all!

At 10ish I would only offer toast and call it second breakfast.
In the afternoon offer sandwiches again and call it afternoon tea. Go for filling and cheap stretch to fruit. I would also offer squash and chilled water with ice cubes for the novelty value. If you put orange juice in lolly moulds it makes good ice lollies.

Just tell her that you don’t have snacks and she’s off home for lunch/dinner soon.

Why would you be buying more snack food, OP, if you're saying that fruit is expensive? Snack food is pre-packaged and expensive too.

If you want to put a stop to it then restrict the visits and keep to the meals/drinks that you're happy to provide.

If you stock up you will just become a mecca for any bored/snack-less child in the vicinity and where will it end?

Can you ask her what she had for lunch? If it sounds a decent lunch, I would offer watered down squash, an apple and some cheese on crackers at snack time. If she hasn't eaten properly at lunchtime then I would offer scrambled eggs on toast, plus a glass of water or milk as a filling snack. Then she can go home for her tea.

Sounds really annoying op. For cheaper snacks Id put out pitta bread, carrots, apples, oranges and maybe some cellery and squeezy cheese to put in it and some basic/essential tortilla crisps . You shouldnt have to do this but just some suggestions .

Never thought about asking what she had for lunch.

She asked for snacks at 11.30 today and I said well it's soon lunch time & you'll get lunch at home to which she said "I had lunch at 10 o clock" husband stepped in at this point and said well DD is about to have her lunch so if you head home for some snacks DD will see you after lunch - that solved that problem!

She still came looking for snacks at 1pm 😂

I'll try and see what she's eating and be a bit firmer if it seems like they're just looking for food for the sake of it as opposed to hunger.

Honestly, I think that if she’s not overweight, there must be something going on a home that means she’s not getting what she needs at home. Not that that means it’s your duty to feed her but I’d be more inclined to offer something cheap like toast if you know she’s not being few properly at home.

When we were growing up we had 2 friends that were siblings and their parents were incredibly health conscious to the point that their children weren’t properly fed. It sadly came as no surprise when the DD developed a condition where she kept “unexplainedly being sick” 🙁. They were real pesterers for food when they came to our house or any of the other children’s houses.

I would definitely find out if she's actually eating at home; and maybe buy some cheaper food to give her if she's not, while you decide how to handle it (as she's so young).

My DD had a friend like this back at school, although they would have been younger teenagers. I found it bloody worrying tbh, especially as her friend was so very slim. And hungry. She'd turn up at our house at 7.45am, when her parents turned her out of the house so they could go to work. (Not allowed a key.)

I was a fairly skint single parent, who had to be out of the house by 8.30am myself.

DD and I gave her toast and tea/water before school, and for after school I bought those frozen value pizzas from Asda / Tesco, or they could have more toast maybe with tinned beans or spaghetti. (My DD had a supper later on.)

Poor kid, I thought. Turned out her dad is a nasty tosser, interestingly. Whole other saga.

@StormcloakNord

well if saying no to snacks makes you feel like a monster then I have to say that you just have to learn to say no without emotions.
it's not healthy to say yes to everything.

kids don't need for you to let them to whatever they want.
they need you to set boundaries and have rules and be firm.
sorry, but you need to work on this issue or in a few short years they will walk all over you.
it's high time you gain back control & stand up for yourself. I mean that in the nicest possible way.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I totally understand that - I'm not a pushover with my daughter.

I've never had a reason to say no to her in regards to food as she doesn't eat for the sake of eating.

I say no to plenty other things and am probably more on the strict side with DD in regards to being polite, how to behave at others houses etc and I have set boundaries with her.

I just don't feel like it's my job to parent someone else's child and I feel awkward just flat out saying no you can't eat here. Maybe I do need to be a more strict about it though!

It's obviously up to you but cheap snack suggestions:

Yoghurt - sainsburys do a 4 pack for 60p I think
Bananas, filling and cheap
Ice lollies - homemade or the 10 for a £1 type
Popcorn
Carrot sticks and a dip
toast
Rice cakes
Make up a jelly

Maybe they just get bored of each other from time to time and going getting a snack uses up time and resets the play to something else?

Op, I’d have something substantial to offer once or twice during a visit as I’d be too worried the girl wasn’t eating well at home. It might even work out cheaper than the kind of snacks kids hope for when they’re with friends.

Could you do a good sandwich for them?

Carrot sticks and sliced apple or toast, and it's only once, not every half hour. You aren't running a cafe.

oh I don't mean to refuse to give her any food at all!
give them a snack, provide with lots of drinks but then that's it.

also I get you don't want to be parenting other people's kids, but when they are in your care you technically have to. you are responsible in case of emergency, you can damn well set boundaries too! 😉

I would feed her as much as she wants within the bounds of your budget . I grew up ok-ish money wise in a poor-ish area, my mum (teacher) had a bag of apples and boxes of muesli bars in her class at all times and it was incredibly sad how many kids needed it. It's not always poverty either, sometimes parents just don't understand their kids nutritional needs and underfeed.

If anything like my DC start giving only healthy snacks and they stop asking unless genuinely hungry.

Carrot sticks (v cheap), bread sticks, raisins, apple slices, cold hard boiled eggs.
And a jug of squash or water. Hope she is being fed at home, think you need to check that. Or, when my dcat gets like this... worms!!!

A good "No, you've not long ago had your lunch, this isn't a café" should work.

Seriously, start saying no! You are under no obligation to feed other people's children and if she continues asking then then the answer remains no.

Give her times and days when DD might be available and say that she can come round then, maybe even for lunch. Otherwise, be much less available.

Just say we don't have snacks or do them in between meals. I don't either, and rarely feed DC's friends who have come to play in between meal times, apart from ice lollies if hot.

Just a thought, could it be your DD asking her friend to ask you for snacks?

I would reply, well if you are hungry and its not snack time at our house, you can nip home for another snack at your house..and see what she says. It might just be that your snacks are nicer