Being eaten out of house and home!!

[StormcloakNord]

DD7 has a friend that comes round almost every day during the week in the hols. DD can't (or won't) go to hers because she lives in a flat and has an older brother who is (according to DD) very mean and ruins their fun.

Whilst I don't mind this, as they're very good at keeping themselves entertained in DD's room, it's costing me a fortune in food!

Every half hour or so they're downstairs asking for snacks, eating fruit, drinking juice etc. DD7 doesn't usually eat anything as she's used to 3 square meals a day but this other little girl that comes round is always always hungry and asking for food.

One part of me is getting irritated because they keep eating the fruit I'm buying which isn't exactly cheap, but I'm torn because what if for some reason she isn't getting enough food at home and she genuinely is hungry when she comes round?!

I hate the summer holidays 😩

Thanks everyone - think I do just need to be a bit more firm and if I know she's coming round I will get "boring" snacks like breadsticks, toast, apple slices, raisins etc.

@Stumpedasatree

Just say we don't have snacks or do them in between meals. I don't either, and rarely feed DC's friends who have come to play in between meal times, apart from ice lollies if hot.

Just a thought, could it be your DD asking her friend to ask you for snacks?

I don't think so - DD knows she can always ask for any food if she needs it and she's allowed to help herself to the fruit bowl, squash etc!

If you want to feed her, make up a large jug of squash as pp suggested plus offer toast and marmite/jam. Buy economy wholemeal bread, jam and own label spread/marmite.

There were 7 of us when I was a kid and it kept us going between meals all summer. If you want to offer fruit, six apples are 76p in Tesco.

This happened to me, the friend was always at our house. I told her very nicely that we don't snack in this house so to bring stuff with her for when she is feeling peckish. The poor kid turned up with half a dozen Pot Noodles.

Why does this friend come round everyday. I'd be nipping that in the bud to a couple of times a week.

Just keep a cheap loaf in and offer a jam/marmite sandwich or toast. Bananas if you want to offer fruit. Keep it boring and they won’t keep asking and if she still asks then she will be hungry enough to eat the boring stuff.

@StormcloakNord

another thought.
if you feel bad about a firm no you can start with a soft no: stalling.

when they ask for food give them a cup of water and say "ok, you can have another snack in x minutes. I will call you once it's ready but don't ask/nag/remind me before".
then set your timer and call them to eat then.

it's a good tactic and you won't feel like a monster for saying "ok, but a bit later"

How's that?

I don't mean water is the snack.
I presume they've already had one, the water is for distraction & hydration

@StormcloakNord

Thanks everyone - think I do just need to be a bit more firm and if I know she's coming round I will get "boring" snacks like breadsticks, toast, apple slices, raisins etc.

If you are worried about being ‘eaten out of house and home’ as your post title states, the solution shouldn’t be to have to buy more food!

Do a decent lunch and that’s that, otherwise you are just continuing doing as your thread title suggests!

If she's arriving earlyish can you still be finishing breakfast whe she arrives, then offer her some toast. If she accepts then she probably is hungry, and you've filled her up on something cheap. If she refuses then asks for snacks later then it's either bordom eating or you have tastier snacks then she usually has, but either way you can say no without feeling guilty.

My concern would be I wouldn't want my child getting into an unhealthy snack habit. (I don't really think anyone needs snacks if they're having 3 good meals.)

But - if I were worried about the child I'd make her lunch on the days she's with me. It's easy and cheap to make an extra sandwich/bowl of pasta etc.

Devils advocate - I was once that kid that always went to my friends house and probably really took the piddle and ate all of their food. At the time, I didn't realise it was rude and I was just hungry. As an adult, I can look back and recognise that family was so kind to me and it was a lifeline, because I didn't get much food at home. I wasn't their responsibility and I will forever be grateful. As it was a case of just feeding a random kid, they basically stock piled their freezer with low-cost cheap things, and my friend and I would have great fun cooking/making things (and cleaning up!). That family also took me on my first ever proper holiday. Lovely people! You are of course never obligated to feed someone elses kid, but from experience I'd say if you had time and didn't mind making something low-cost and carby it may nip any hunger in the bug (e.g. big container of cold pasta in the fridge) and if they are just boredom eating it will put them off of asking!

Make some very very diluted squash; and say no to all other snack demands. DD won't mind and the friend will soon get the message.

If anything like my DC start giving only healthy snacks and they stop asking unless genuinely hungry.

I was going to suggest this too.

Before you start hoarding your food, maybe TALK to the kid, and to your DD. Where is her mother all day? Where is her father? How old is older brother? Is he "babysitting" his sister while parents work? Your DD says he is "mean" - is he abusive to his little sister to the point that she runs to your house everyday?
Is there any food in there house? Is she allowed to have it? When you "Send her home" for lunch does she actually get anything?
Does this problem required "Diluted squash and boring breadsticks" or does it really need a call to Social Services?
Just a thought and some questions that need answers.

@babybunny123

This happened to me, the friend was always at our house. I told her very nicely that we don't snack in this house so to bring stuff with her for when she is feeling peckish. The poor kid turned up with half a dozen Pot Noodles.

I’m sorry but I laughed at this. Had she brought the pot noodles because she thought you might need something to eat?

Of only there was small, concise two letter word that adults could use, when responding to kids requests to deny them that request 🤔

What kind of snacks have you been offering, OP, what kind are not "boring"?

Have you ever met or spoken to Friend's parent?

While it isn't your duty to feed her, a few things stand out for me from your post.

She comes to you every week day - where are her parents? Is she being left with her 'mean' brother and coming to you for a safe space?

If the above is true, is it the case that she isn't getting enough food at home?

The fact that your daughter won't go to her friends (or can't?) because of the brother is a little worrying? I didn't think much of my friend's brother when we were kids - we thought he was a bit mean - didn't stop me going round though and enjoying time with my friend. We just did our own things.

It may of course just be that the girl likes your snacks but I'd do some digging. Perhaps ask her what she had for lunch/breakfast. Ask her if her mum/dad are home. Casually, but just enquire.

You/your house may be a safe space for her.

I assume this child isn't getting what they need at home as this happens every time and so would want to offe healthy snacks, send home or talk to their parent.

@Howshouldibehave

I'll have to just start buying more 'snack' stuff. As a family we aren't big on snacks so don't usually have stuff like that in but I'll make a point of buying

That wouldn’t be my response at all!

Nor mine

If you think she's being underfed at home would it not make sense to include her in lunch, rather than buying mountains of snacks the rest of you don't even eat?
This sounds really strange.

I'd be really tempted to be the one to offer - morning, friend, have you had breakfast? Sandwiches for lunch, Dd & friend?
It's snack time, are you having some fruit?
For a few quid she could have cereal, peanut butter / ham sandwiches and a couple of bananas every day.

I know it's not your responsibility but if you can afford it, it might be the kind thing to do.
I'll probably get flamed for that.

Er just say no...youre the adult here, they're children - not gods!!

Give them normal meals if theyre there all day and a snack like carrot/veg, definitely nothing "moreish" like crisps or chocolate. No snacks outside of this.