Do you let your toddler play with your phone?

[peaches35]

Just that really. My 15 month old DS loves my iPhone and already uses his finger to swipe the screen. I find it really sad/depressing and try not to give it to him very often, but admit that I do let him play with it occasionally when I’m desperate for some peace and a break.

Now he knows what it does though he gets really bad tempered when I sit on the sofa reading my phone whilst he’s playing. He will stop what he’s doing and demand the phone, so I now have to hide it when he’s around!

I feel like a crap mum for letting him get hold of it in the first place. Is anyone else’s toddler like this?

@Dollywilde

My DD is too little to care at the moment but this is one of those where I feel like you can be precious and snobby or you can move with the times.

The future is digital and our kids will need to know how to work with technology. All of today’s toddlers will need to know how to design a website, build an app and code at a minimum if they’re going to survive in the future job market. Why would you deny them the opportunity to be comfortable and familiar with tech just because ‘it makes you sad’ to see them interacting with technology? I genuinely think people who don’t let their kids have some familiarity with phones/laptops etc at a young age are doing them a disservice. I’m not talking about letting the device parent your child for you, but pretending phones don’t exist won’t hell your kid in the future.

Ok. Come back to us when your toddler has smashed your phone AGAIN and you have to buy a new one. For lots of people its more about cost. My son can have a tablet when he knows how to treat them.

I never game mine my phone but that's because I was scared they would break it. We dont have a landline and at the time didnt have a computer, so mine and DH phones were used for everything.

They weren't kept off screens though - they would watch some Milkshake on TV every morning and at about 2.5/3 we got a Kindle Fire and they could dip in and use that on and off.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene oh I completely get that - the cost element of course must be a huge one (and as I’ve said full disclosure I’m not there yet although I can hear DD in the other room with DH taking everything out of the living room cupboard so I’m sure we’re not far off!!) My point was to those who don’t let them play because of some arbitrary ‘it’s sad to watch kids on tablets’, not those who can’t afford to have them smashed up - apologies.

@dollywilde it’s not some ‘arbitrary’ reason, there is a huge amount of research showing how detrimental screen time is especially to young children.

With regards to your question OP there will be lots of situations as he grows up where he protests when you don’t give him what he wants. It’s not a reason to give in if you don’t want him to have it. I would just keep repeating ‘no sorry this is mine’ and hiding it when he comes over. He’ll get the message it just might take a while

There's definitely a balance to be had.

My general rule of thumb is no access before the age of 2. Then limited use with an adult. Until around 3. Then limited use alone. Eg 30 minutes a day or...1 video/1 puzzle/1 book/a level of a game etc
And just build it up. So it is like any other activity. Not all consuming, but part of life.

DS17 is find of his phone and switch...but he has to leave his phone downstairs overnight.not allowed it out at meals, if family are over etc.

So now you need to limit it. And set expectations of behaviour. If he shouts and screams for it, he can't have it. If he ask nicely then consider.

@00100001 the problem is he’s too young to ask nicely (he’s only 15 months!) I will just have to deal with the tantrums for a while I guess.

No.... I'm worried they'd call emergency services by mistake!

[quote Sunshine1235]@dollywilde it’s not some ‘arbitrary’ reason, there is a huge amount of research showing how detrimental screen time is especially to young children.

With regards to your question OP there will be lots of situations as he grows up where he protests when you don’t give him what he wants. It’s not a reason to give in if you don’t want him to have it. I would just keep repeating ‘no sorry this is mine’ and hiding it when he comes over. He’ll get the message it just might take a while[/quote]
This is exactly what I do. It gets shoved behind something when he comes over, or I say 'no its mine' when he tries to grab it. He can tantrum if he wants, he's still not getting it. Hes also 15 months.

This is exactly what I do. It gets shoved behind something when he comes over, or I say 'no its mine' when he tries to grab it. He can tantrum if he wants, he's still not getting it. Hes also 15 months.

Ok thanks, I will try this!

Generally no, occasionally he plays the balloon app on DP's phone but he watches a fair bit too much of TV so isn't really interested.

@Dollywilde

My DD is too little to care at the moment but this is one of those where I feel like you can be precious and snobby or you can move with the times.

The future is digital and our kids will need to know how to work with technology. All of today’s toddlers will need to know how to design a website, build an app and code at a minimum if they’re going to survive in the future job market. Why would you deny them the opportunity to be comfortable and familiar with tech just because ‘it makes you sad’ to see them interacting with technology? I genuinely think people who don’t let their kids have some familiarity with phones/laptops etc at a young age are doing them a disservice. I’m not talking about letting the device parent your child for you, but pretending phones don’t exist won’t hell your kid in the future.

Oh come on, I have defended using screen time on this thread - for what it's worth we actually don't really allow my three year old to use our phones and never has, but he does have time for television and sometimes also a tablet - but it's clearly not the case that a toddler 'needs' familiarity with a phone so they can code when they're older. I think it's harmless in small doses and can be very helpful for frazzled parents but it's silly and a bit delusional to pretend it's an active necessity.

@Sunshine1235 “ it’s not some ‘arbitrary’ reason, there is a huge amount of research showing how detrimental screen time is especially to young children.”

Actually I did a lot of reading on this a while back and that’s just not true. The evidence is poor - even the definition of what ‘screen time’ means is ill defined and studies are plagued by confounding factors.

@grey12 “ tbh I don't do phones in the supermarket. I talk to my kids. I chat about what we need to buy”

And your implication is what? That mothers who give their kids the phone when shopping don’t talk to them?

Sometimes you just need to buy the shopping. Not everything needs to be a stimulating educational experience

Sometimes you just need to buy the shopping. Not everything needs to be a stimulating educational experience

Good lord I agree with this. It seems on MN that unless what you're doing is stimulating and beneficial, you are damaging your child. Its just not true.

If you don't want him to have it, then yes you deal with the tantrums 🤷‍♀️ They'll be many more tantrums to deal with and times where you will need to stay firm.

You give in to tantrums you just reinforce that behaviour. You gave him the phone to play with, you can just as easily take it away.

My 3.5 year old has a sahd who gives him the pad whilst the little one naps to keep him quiet. We have a downstairs bedroom. When I'm around he doesn't usually have it, he doesn't ask for it either. So I'm wondering how addictive they actually are.

Oh gosh though we love shopping. I hate forced learning experiences, but I take both my 16 month and 3.5 year old out for our weekly shop and it's like a free outing! I would never consider giving a tablet. 3.5 year old loves helping and grabbing the food from his trolley and then loads it up on the conveyer belt. Can't see what's wrong with using every day experiences as a natural learning experience. It's the flash cards etc which I can't understand. Each to their own

Please bear in mind OPs talking about her 15mo. Theres a world of difference between a 3.5yo and a 15mo.

@FartnissEverbeans that’s interesting. Can you share your reading/info? I’ll admit to just having read articles and books that cite studies rather than looking closely at the studies themselves so I’m open to being challenged and corrected

(Although I would say my point to the pp still stands, it’s not an arbitrary reason if you genuinely believe that screen time is not good for young kids.)

[quote FartnissEverbeans]@JustWonderingIfYou Congratulations! Your medal is in the post I’m sure.

Through morning sickness and quarantine… it seems masochistic and unnecessary?

@catsjammies Why on Earth would you not let them have it while shopping? How are they using their time more productively by sitting in a buggy looking at the veg aisle?

To be fair though I’m a bit judgey about parents who are funny about stuff like screen time. I’ve met a few now and I always roll my eyes a bit and make assumptions about their parenting that are probably unfair.[/quote]
Could I have a medal too please @FartnissEverbeans ? I had toddlers before smartphones were barely a thing as did millions of other parents

It's a totally unremarkable achievement, OK it wasn't in a pandemic but if I had my time again I wouldn't be letting my children use my phone.

@Sunshine1235 you can do a search in Google. I've read articles about TV and pads and again there's no conclusive evidence either way.

Nope. 16 month old - no screen time at all including TV.

He doesn’t need it and gets much more out of looking at books, etc. I may feel like I could do with him watching something at times, but it’s a personal choice that I’ve made for his benefit rather than mine, so I don’t.

It may all change tomorrow 😆 but that’s how it’s been so far!

Far, far easier to set and maintain clear rules with a 1-2 year old than to give in to tantrums then much later try to set them!

Mine at 2.5 likes to look at photos and videos I’ve taken but that’s all. Bartley because I don’t want my phone smashed tbh. They do like tv though and I don’t mind them watching it while we are doing other stuff alongside.
People that do let them see phones, do your toddlers watch tv? Is it an instead of or as well as?

I always feel bad telling my little pumpkin no as well, so I’d say it’s fine as long as you limit their time on your phone or just technology in general!!

I let DD2 who is 15 months use mine. But she only ever wants the camera to look at herself or to watch videos of herself.

With DD1 she didn’t really have it until nearer 2 and then to distract for 10/15 mins so I could get things done.

I’m not too strict with screen time (as in tv) as they both have plenty of interaction at other times and plenty of none screen time. But then neither will sit and watch it really, they just tend to wants nursery rhymes on in the background whilst they run around.