Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how you felt for the first 3 mths of your baby's life?

100 replies

PerfectPrepPrincess · 08/07/2021 19:02

For me it's been a mixed but heavy bag. Hell of a labour ending in EMCS with poor treatment in hospital, poor breastfeeding experience where we're still 'clinging on with thin lips' whilst mixed feeding that has lead to a very emotional number of weeks.

We've had some lovely times however and I'm over the moon with my baby.

But I'm constantly stressed over one thing or another baby wise, there is a deep seated current of mild sadness like a kind of grief... Not sure why it's there. I don't think it's PND, if it is it's very mild. I think I'm 'grieving' for the newborn weeks that have just disappeared as I've been 'consumed' by trying to get breastfeeding working (given up now, it is what it is).

How did you feel with yours? If you didn't have PND were you more than 50/75% happy and over the moon, or were you anxious, irritable and sleep deprived, what was it like for you?

OP posts:
WheresMySnackPack · 08/07/2021 19:07

I couldn't have asked for a better baby. I didn't breastfeed at all so can't help on that one but I can only imagine just how sore you must be.

I was happy, content and a little anxious being a FTM incase he got poorly etc.

The fact he was such a good baby I think really helped this. He was doing about 9-6 through the night and not waking for a night feed.

I'm sorry you've not had much professional support but please do speak to your GP. You could have PND but you could also just feeling run down but always best to get a GP/HV advice x

Hardbackwriter · 08/07/2021 19:12

With DS1 I was on an unbelievable high for about three or four weeks, then crashed in a big way. In hindsight maybe I did have PND, though I was never diagnosed with it. With DS2 it was a much more even experience - I wouldn't say I was constantly overjoyed or anything, but I was consistently quietly contented and things felt right. DS2 was a slightly better sleeper but I think the big difference was me, not the babies.

HavelockVetinari · 08/07/2021 19:24

I was absolutely smitten with DS (still am!) but utterly, utterly exhausted. He was a shite sleeper, up every 45 mins, so I felt drunk with tiredness at times - so much so that some days I couldn't risk getting in the car.

I was also incredibly anxious and tearful about the possibility of something happening to DS - not PND, but post-natal anxiety. I went to my GP at about 6 weeks post-partum and got medication that made it loads better.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/07/2021 19:24

Extremelly anxious about everything, even though I think I had an 'easy' baby.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/07/2021 19:26

Just to add, I dont remember it as a happy time at all. Id go as far as saying its probably been one of the hardest, worst of my life.

Hes 15mo now and lovely 🙂

HorriderHenry · 08/07/2021 19:27

First time: happy, overwhelmed, but cried all the time at anything.

Second time: numb, sad. Few tears.

Third time: happy, with occasional days of gloom. Few tears. Much better in control f emotions.

All three births were, by the range of experiences you could have, normal and easy.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/07/2021 19:29

Very happy but v struggled with the sleep deprivation as I didn’t want to day nap and attempted to do too much, rather than just sit with snacks and a box set

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/07/2021 19:29

Oh and I also had an EMCS because me and my son had sepsis.

I should really gather my thoughts before posting.

HorriderHenry · 08/07/2021 19:30

Oh and knackered. Bone-crunchingly, brain foggingly tired. I used to wake at just past midnight and know id had my best sleep of the night.

The absolutely best thing about the newborn weeks is that they don’t last for ever. I recognise the guilt/sadness that they were missed in the blur of feeding woes and post birth issues, but honestly, how those first weeks to and how you feel do not define how you will parent for ever. I think it was the confidence in knowing that which made my third time so much easier.

Ihaveoflate · 08/07/2021 19:30

Some of the darkest and most challenging weeks of my life, but I did have PND/A. I would never wish to repeat the baby phase.

ThedaBara · 08/07/2021 19:32

Bad. Started getting better from 4 months on.
Constantly after milk, I felt like a farm animal. Didn't leave the house for the first month, was convinced I was going to kill her or that she hated me. It did actually take me a few months to fall in love with her.
Felt much better when we figured out our routine and haven't been happier!

MyFartWillGoOn · 08/07/2021 19:33

I had a terrible birth but a wonderful calm baby.

And yet I felt anxious, upset, tired, stressed... began to doubt every decision I was making regarding the baby. I struggled to breastfeed and that contributed to it all.

I found after speaking to other mums that in many cases it is completely normal to feel this way.

It eased...14/15 weeks and we found our rhythm and although we have the odd rough day, I'm much calmer and happier!

wishing3 · 08/07/2021 19:33

In love with my baby (though that grew even more as she developed and interacted more) but I wouldn’t really say happy. Tired, overwhelmed with responsibility, sometimes bored. Never for a second regretted having her though and I love her so much.

MeadowHay · 08/07/2021 19:35

I did have PND but wasn't diagnosed until my baby was about 6 months old.

At 3 months I would say the horror of the immediate newborn phase was starting to improve slightly. I was lucky that my baby was a decent sleeper for her age, but I struggled with my sleep separately to this anyway due to my poor mental health. So I was still always tired and sleep deprived anyway. I stopped breastfeeding not long before she hit 3 months too after it being a horrifically painful struggle with no improvement at all as time went on, and formula feeding did help me as at least I wasn't being in pain all the time anymore. My birth injury was also healed enough by this point that I didn't need to think about it much nor did I have pain in day to day life. I started a postnatal exercise class that got me out the house one evening a week which was so good for me. I was still incredibly anxious all the time though as my baby still screamed all day every day for no discernible reasons and it shatters your nerves. I was also lonely and isolated as I knew nobody else with children and by 3 months the visitors had all stopped so although I had support from my DM it was a pretty insular existence and days felt long and grim.

My DC has just turned 3 and I'm pregnant again and due in a few months. I've enjoyed each stage of my DC's life more as they've come and she's gotten older. I'm apprehensive about going back into the trenches again soon eurgh.

Michellexxx · 08/07/2021 19:37

I found the first few weeks so hard! I cried a lot with my first, a little less with second. But it is so hard, and so tiring, and your emotions are all over the place.
But I absolutely loved and adored beyond about 5m- I was getting more sleep.
I genuinely think lack of sleep makes it so hard to think rationally!

MindyStClaire · 08/07/2021 19:38

Really, really hard. Life was just imploded, completely unrecognisable. The baby had silent reflux and couldn't lie flat until medicated at 8 weeks. Took all naps on me and was a terrible sleeper. I was utterly exhausted, hormonal, miserable. Breastfeeding went well which was a consolation. I really resented my husband who got to go to work, even though he really couldn't have done more for us.

I don't think I had PND I think it was just really fucking hard.

Second time around was much easier, partly because it was an easier baby, partly because the second time is less of an upheaval.

LucretiaBorgia · 08/07/2021 19:39

DC1: extremely anxious after long NICU stay, but also very happy and proud. Mood was fine apart from the constant worrying and waiting for milestones.
DC2: completely overwhelmed, struggling with sleep depression, seriously depressed. I fantasised about running away and starting a new life under a new identity! I should have got treatment for PND, no idea why I thought I had to struggle on.
DC3: I have been consistently happy and relaxed this time round. I think it's because he is a very, very easy baby, I am getting enough sleep, my life was good during the pregnancy and I have a job I can go back to (which I didn't have with DC2).

You speak of grief OP - I think it's normal to grieve for the parts of parenting that didn't work out. So if you were very attached to the idea of bf or having a natural birth, you will obviously need to grieve the fact that it didn't work out.

BackforGood · 08/07/2021 19:43

Knackered.

The hardest weeks of my life (and I've suffered bereavements, cancer, and so forth, toput that in perspective.)

mayblossominapril · 08/07/2021 19:47

First child awful, tired anemic probably PTSD after a traumatic birth. I felt dreadful for about 7 months.
Second child I’ve had the odd hard week and I’m tired but I’ve felt happy despite a lot of other stressful things in life! I had a much better birth second time

CrashingCymbals · 08/07/2021 19:49

It was utter utter shit. I remember my Dad asking how I was finding motherhood and I literally wanted to scream that it was the worst fucking decision I'd ever made and I hated it. And that was 4 months in! I was doing everything I "should" be ... Breastfeeding, baby groups, socialising, I trained as a bf peer supporter but I was miserable. My DC was an awful sleeper and would scream if she was held by anyone but me. I couldn't get a 5 minute shower without her screaming. I used to stand in the shower shouting at someone to just give me a fucking break. If DH was looking after her while I showered he would stand at the door with her crying. Used to piss me off no end.
I definitely had undiagnosed PND and PNA. Lack of sleep probably the biggest factor.

It got better around 11 months when DC slept in longer blocks finally. And DC was around 18 months when I really started enjoying her. She's still an only child though, DH is pretty traumatized by it all... And he's the one who got the most fucking sleep!!!

LittleBlackCat22 · 08/07/2021 19:50

Loved it. She was a dream! Now at age 6 however… 🙃

Karma dictates that the one I’m carrying now will be a demon.

IHaveBrilloHair · 08/07/2021 19:51

Honestly, like a robot.

Megan2018 · 08/07/2021 19:52

I’m sorry your experience has been hard @PerfectPrepPrincess

Mine was sleep deprived but lovely. I was blessed with a good feeder, so although physically tough (DD has only had milk from breast and that’s still the case now at 22 months), which is both great but also hard at the same time.
I sneaked in the first 6 months pre Covid too.

VettiyaIruken · 08/07/2021 19:53

Knackered, inadequate, scared to death and judging the hell out of the hospital - wtf were they thinking discharging someone who clearly didn't have a clue what she was doing? 😁

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/07/2021 19:55

Awful! Worst I've ever felt in my life - basically like I'd made a horrible mistake I could never undo. Love him to bits now of course, but I couldn't do the baby stage again.