Nanny vs nursery?

[brushlaptop]

My son is 18 months old and has a language and communication delay (no words) so our paediatrician has recommended starting him in a nursery for socialisation and with speech therapy, which we are doing. The problem is, the more I read about it, the more the evidence shows that having a nanny is better than nursery for under 2s.
We originally had a nanny for him at great expense but she wasn't great and it ended quite badly with her so I gave up my job in January when he was 1 to stay at home and care for him.
I'm so in two kinds about what the best thing is for him. Cost is not an issue for us but I just don't know whether to leave him in the nursery 5 mornings per week or to get a nanny 5 mornings per week. I really don't know what would be better for his development.
Has anyone else been in this situation before?

Firstly, I can clearly understand the situation you are in now. It's the case of many moms when their kids make it late to speak words or start to walk freely. But from what I have seen with several kids, I can say that it's just some more months before he is going to say words and walk all alone. So don't worry much about that.

Secondly, about the nanny part. Being a person working in the field of domestic workers services (check website here - www.tadbeer.ae )where I'm dealing with various maid and nanny visa contracts with families, I hope to share some ideas with you about choosing a nanny.

Nursery care and nanny care are on the same level when considering the basic need of looking after kids, but when considering the exact level of care a kid is getting, then these two options are providing entirely different values.

A one-on-one care that nanny will provide to your kid is always going to be a better option, especially when the kid needs utmost care to ensure further progress in speech and walk processes.

So my advice is to go for a nanny, you can check these things as well:

1. Choose live-in or live-out based on your situation
2. Get a nanny after having thoroughly interviewed her before hiring
3. Select a nanny service agency which is offering free replacement of a nanny in case you find her not in terms with you.

I hope it helps you and I wish you all the very best with whatever decision you make.

Kind Regards,
Dana Alexis

Hello!
I am in the UK yes. The paediatrician is based at Bupa Cromwell hospital in London and has said that his lack of speech and language communication puts him at the level of an 8-10 month old (I thought they were all potatoes at that stage but apparently not!) and that we need to start speech therapy for a speech delay and to put him in nursery but I was doubting the nursery part as all the research papers point to a nanny being more beneficial at age 18 months. I have no clue about these things with this being my first child and was shocked at what I was told by the paediatrician! Apart from that he sat up at 6 months, crawled at 10 months, walked at 12 months so all seemed okay.
I think we have a solution... he is going to do 5 mornings per week at nursery, and for 3 of them we have hired a speech therapist who will go in with him and be speaking to him encouraging speech with the activities they are doing. He will also do speech therapy for 2 afternoons per week at home after his nap. I really hope it helps, I just want our baby to develop as normal and the report from the paediatrician was so damning :(

If you don’t need child care I’d go fir a nursery a few half day sessions a week. Then you can do whatever needs to be done from there.

I hear you saying you have no idea. It seems to me you’re an educated functional person. Start reading some child development books and websites and inform yourself. Have some sessions with a speech pathologist and ask for suggestions for what you should do at home. Speak to your child face to face about anything and everything. Sing songs and nursery rhymes. Read books.

OP, you can take control of this situation and succeed. All of us are inexperienced parents with our first child. You can do it.

You should really try and meet some other children his age to put your mind at rest. There is a huge range of speech levels at that age and your son sounds within the normal range.

Does he communicate in other ways? I wonder if that's the area of concern rather than the actual speech. So does he wave, point, lift his arm up to be picked up, clap etc?

An attentive nanny would be substantially better than nursery for your child’s speech delay.

No matter how good quality a nursery is or how fantastic the staff are, the level of interaction would never compare.

Very very young children don’t need to ‘socialise’ with other very very young children to develop language and communication skills. It’s mainly input from an adult that supports this.

When a child is part of a group at nursery there won’t be a lot of one to one interaction with adults throughout the day, but learning and playing with other children is good for other aspects of development and social relationships.

I've not had a whole lot of time to read books whilst being a full time mum BUT that will change now he is in nursery! 😀 I've read "the late talker" and have started "my toddler talks" please let me know if you have any other recommendations! Or documentaries etc

He points and lifts his arms up to be picked up and drags me round if he wants to be chased and brings me to things he wants but he has actually never waved!

We were in a similar situation.

100% go for a good nanny over nursery. I couldn't have sent my child to nursery while they were non verbal, I think they would have had a miserable time.

Rule out hearing issues.

And I really recommend incorporating baby signs. It helps set the brain up for language and creates a bridge between non verbal and verbal communication.

My non verbal 3 year old is a non stop talking 3.5 year old now, and I really credit signing with creating that pathway.

Yes why is it that paediatricians always recommend nursery for speech delay? Anyway, we are doing what they recommend but I won't hesitate to swap to a nanny if it isn't working well for him

My daughter had about 3 words until she was just over 2. She then started talking in long sentences and hasn't stopped since. She's 28 and just embarked on a law degree. If he us understanding what your saying I wouldn't worry too much at this stage.

The Babytalk book by Dr Sally Ward is excellent, I use it a lot with all the children I've looked after as a nanny. Have you spoken to your health visitor about his speech and language? In my experience, paediatricians are great at knowing about sick children but health visitors (most of them at least!) have far more experience of healthy, normal child development, when to worry and what to do about it.

Did you only see the paediatrician for his speech delay or do you have other concerns about development?

I'm very shocked a paediatrician would make so much of an 18 month old not talking, unless there are other developmental concerns? Does he communicate by pointing at all? Children develop at different rates. Plenty aren't talking by 18 months. I very much doubt you would get anywhere with SALT at such a young age...in 6 months he could be saying full sentences! And if not I think in 6 months you might get some interest from SALT. Although if you pay you might.

I've actually been in your position ..my eldest wasn't talking at 18 months...by age 2 just a few words. I went to a SALT drop in who gave some tips but no one was really concerned. I was concerned though and I did send him to nursery for a few mornings a week as I thought the interaction might help. Its hard to tell whether it did help, or it was just 'his time' a little later.

He's 4 now and talks non stop.

You don't need to know about child psychology to improve his speech...reading, singing, toddler groups all help. I really can't see how a nanny would be doing anything differently from you. I think you need more confidence in yourself!

And I also think unless there are other development concerns you need to stop worrying so much. I don't think this doctor has helped tbh.

Have you had hearing tested? You can ask your health visitor to refer you.

The benefit of a nursery to a genuinely delayed child is that they have a SENDCO and can therefore start the ball rolling with referrals to specialist professionals.

It's unclear from your OP thorough whether your child is speech delayed - your paediatrician may be making deductions from other observations around communication as well as his ability to use words. Many DC don't speak at all at 18 months, others are chatterboxes. The NHS 2 year check usually happens a couple of months after a child turns 2, and they look for a child to have around 200 words. This speech really can develop rapidly and some DC go from barely uttering a word to a large vocabulary in a couple of months.

Things you can do at home - lots of reading, singing and rhyming. See if you can find a baby signing group - some children are more confident "trying" a word if they have signs to make their communication clear. Keep your buggy parent facing so your child can see your face and chat to them about everything and nothing as you go about your day.

There's a broad spectrum as to what normal is at this age. A nanny would provide better one to one communication which would benefit your DC, but there's no reason why you can't do that yourself, if that's what you like.

It's tough right now. This pandemic has limited so many interaction opportunities for babies and their mums. Hopefully you can attend some groups and classes together which will benefit you both.

Spoke to the health visitor who referred us for nhs speech therapy but that will take a while so we are doing it privately.
Thank you for the book recco I will get that one!

I would go nanny. Too young for socialisation and, say you use nursery on mon and tue, thats a big gap between sessions and makes settling in far harder.

I can't quite get my head around a paediatrician diagnosing speech delay at 18 months. Neither of my 2 children were speaking at that age. My DD only started properly saying words (she would say the first letter of a handful of words) at 2 and pretty much went straight to sentences. We cannot stop her talking now! My DS is almost 2 and in the last month alone is starting to use individual words. Both understood what I was saying/asking at 18 months but didn't speak. If he's understanding you and it's just the speech he's diagnosed on, that's not right. If he's not appearing to understand you when you give instructions, then that's different.

@brushlaptop please don’t doubt yourself.

I was terribly worried about my parenting abilities and had a nanny for my first two. I was an investment banker like your DH. For my third I was home. I talked to her endlessly. About the underground, about the park, about the baby group, about what I was cooking, let her hold an identical wooden spoon to me in a high chair when I was baking, let her smell vanilla, cacao and cardamom and choose which one to have on her babychino. My youngest spoke earlier than the older who had an amazing nanny. It was the constant chatting from my side about everything I think.

She said “we are tired and grumpy mummy, we need a Starbucks coffee” quite eloquently at some point around 2 years old…

You are able to do this. But it does seem that you have a plan and it is sensible. Just remember not to sell yourself short in this.

I find this bizarre! The child is 18 months and you’re going to make him do 5 sessions of SALT a week?! 3 at nursery and 2 after a nap at home, is that right?
My almost 4 year old is mostly non verbal, he has SALT around once every 6/8 weeks to give us chance to practice the activities we’re given.
I mean this kindly but I really think you’re worrying way more than you need to at such a young age, all children develop differently

Having had a couple of nannies and also children at nursery, I think a fairly standard nursery is better than a good nanny. It needs to be an exceptional nanny before it starts to be worth considering over a nursery. However, a nanny does have many more benefits for the parent in the sense that they can still look after an ill child so you don’t need to worry about time off work, they fit around you and your timetable etc.

I'm a SALT. I'm really surprised at the advice the Paediatrician has given you.

Around 10 words by 18 months is the milestone we usually look for. Words can include symbolic noises like beep, miaow, brum brum etc. Don't worry about the 2 year milestone yet, 6 months is a long time in the development of such a young child.

As others have said, quality preschool experience is beneficial for children but not needed so young.

Enjoy your boy. Read to him, talk to him, sing to him, recite nursery rhymes, laugh with him, tickle him, blow bubbles, chase him. Communication will come.

PS signing is a great practical strategy for promoting communication in very young children.

@SlothInATreeSituation thank you very much for your advice.

I would say he does not have 10 words/noises. He has his own way of communicating with me. He gestures to things and makes a noise if he wants it and if he wants me to do something he takes my hand and leads me to it, or brings something to me e.g. a toy and puts it on my lap and he wants me to play with it with him or open it or operate it for him.

Will keep on with all the reading and singing too!! He actually really likes books, god knows whether he has a clue what I'm talking about when I read to him I feel like a broken record 90% of the time

Also randomly brings me things for absolutely no reason quite a lot 🤷‍♀️ I am not sure what he wants me to do with them as he can't tell me so I tend to say thank you that's nice!! Then put it to one side

[quote brushlaptop]@SlothInATreeSituation thank you very much for your advice.

I would say he does not have 10 words/noises. He has his own way of communicating with me. He gestures to things and makes a noise if he wants it and if he wants me to do something he takes my hand and leads me to it, or brings something to me e.g. a toy and puts it on my lap and he wants me to play with it with him or open it or operate it for him.

Will keep on with all the reading and singing too!! He actually really likes books, god knows whether he has a clue what I'm talking about when I read to him I feel like a broken record 90% of the time [/quote]
This honestly sounds perfectly normal for 18 months. My son was similar. Kids develop at such different rates.

I agree with @LBB2020 that the interventions you are putting in place sound a lot for his age. Sometimes you just need to give them time to do things at their own pace.

What did the speech therapist who you've booked for him say? I get the impression the doctor has really scared you, but like most posters his comments sound baffling to me...he's only 18 months.

Aw, that’s lovely, OP. It’s a classic developmental stage and it shows ‘joint attention’, which is a really good sign.

It’s a really good example of how you can help him with his speech. Say he brings you a car, you say ‘car’ and then repeat a couple of times. Modelling how to say the name of something he’s interested in is a brilliant opportunity.

To answer your questions about my DS (and sorry for the delay), we basically had one nanny for 6 weeks before she decided to move back to her home country at 24 hours notice because of Covid, and then another for a couple of months whom I let go because she wasn’t very good.

We were referred to SLT by our health visitor. We got two batches of four sessions of therapy, all over video in lockdown. Essentially you’re doing all the work with your little one and the therapist it training you in how to best support their speech and language.

He came on in leaps and bounds. First developing lots of single words and then, between January and Easter this year, sentences!

There’s still work to do on his pronunciation so I continue to model the correct pronunciation. But he’s come on SO much now and I have no concerns about him starting pre-school in Sept.