Nanny vs nursery?

[brushlaptop]

My son is 18 months old and has a language and communication delay (no words) so our paediatrician has recommended starting him in a nursery for socialisation and with speech therapy, which we are doing. The problem is, the more I read about it, the more the evidence shows that having a nanny is better than nursery for under 2s.
We originally had a nanny for him at great expense but she wasn't great and it ended quite badly with her so I gave up my job in January when he was 1 to stay at home and care for him.
I'm so in two kinds about what the best thing is for him. Cost is not an issue for us but I just don't know whether to leave him in the nursery 5 mornings per week or to get a nanny 5 mornings per week. I really don't know what would be better for his development.
Has anyone else been in this situation before?

Good nannies are like gold dust. If you can find a good one then I am sure that would be the best rather than a nursery where the staff will be busy with the more demanding verbal children so your child may inadvertently get overlooked. Make sure the nanny has some experience of speech problems and is lively and outgoing herself. The nanny's role will be centred on the child and will add another dimension to your home environment. To those saying you don't need a nanny, I think that in this situation, adding someone else to the child's immediate circle of contacts is a good idea and should provide more variety of interactions.

@brushlaptop

Thanks all that's reassuring! Such a minefield isn't it. I really don't think I am qualified to develop a child's speech so will look into a combination of nursery and nanny

Sorry I've just read again and seen that you don't need a nanny for childcare. You can do this yourself - lots of interaction, reading stories, signing songs, music classes and other toddler classes. I've nannied for 13 years and I really wouldn't worry if a child isn't talking lots at 18 months - I'd be more concerned nearing 2 if the speech was really limited but again there's plenty of reasons why. Children haven't been interacting as much as normal due to the pandemic for example. Also it's debated a bit but I've personally found if a child is raised in a bilingual house the speech tends to a bit slower as they are processing 2 languages but they soon catch up and speak 2 languages at once - not sure if that's the case in your house?

I would set up an activity every morning and every afternoon that encourages speech and sit and play with them to encourage the words. Maybe have a theme each week so one week do farm animals, next week the sea etc and make sure you don't speak for them ☺️ you've got this! X

Op are you in the UK? It seems very strange that any paediatrician would recommend childcare for a toddler with speach issues - and 18 months is very young to consider any issue - aside something like hearing loss. You seem very nervous about your parenting skills. As others have said one - on - one is going to be better for language development than a busy nursery. Both nannies and nurserys can be great (i have used both to work), but very few nannies will have special speech development skills. In your case I would look for a small excellent nursery for a couple of days a week - if you want some outside stimulus- especially as toddler groups are still limited in the time of covid.

ABA is quite an intensive approach usually used with children with Autism...and I thought was for older children not toddlers so not sure would look at that approach quite yet...
I'm not sure he sounds speech delayed with just that info but think I would approach a good speech therapist assessment they will give a programme of activities if necessary..most of which you will be more than capable of doing...
Often nurseries are recommended as parents can work out what little ones want so they may have to work harder with others....if that is his issue then a nanny potentially could be the same.. I would wait till seen speech therapist..
Ican had some great speech activities ...my ds was assessed at 2 but took a big jump at 2.4 ...

I work in a nursery. Pick one which is 18mths-3 years old in one room. I have seen many speech delayed kids your child’s age (both with and without other SEN needs) come on leap and bounds through communicating with older children. Several 18mo I take care of have learned how to baby sign from each other or older kids (so helping them communicate); some have picked up words we didn’t think were even possible. For example with have a child with moderate ASD who were told would probably not speak while at nursery - well he now knows 4 words just through interaction with other children. So it can happen. Just review nurseries carefully and pick one you feel most comfortable with - Pm me if you have any questions.

If you had to choose between them I would definitely go for nursery over nanny.
However if you’re not working there’s nothing a nanny would do that you can’t do. Most baby/toddler groups are open again now so I would sign up to loads of things where you’ll be interacting with other people, maybe singing/story time etc where your child will pick up on language/talking skills in a relaxed way

At 2 would dc qualify for a place in a school nursery with additional support? Sometimes they do. That might be a better option than normal nursery?

Another option might be to have a private speech therapist come to visit at home and give you advice. One family I worked for had a 2 year old with speech delay due to glue ear and they had a lady who came and assessed him at home and gave us advice about what we should and shouldn't be doing, games and activities etc. She then did a couple of follow up appointments.

Difficult having a nanny and a newborn at home at the same time - I'd have nursery a couple of days a week and a nanny. DS will be nearly 3 by the time he goes full time at nursery having had a nanny share and a nursery/nanny mix, and that felt about right for us.

For speech development I’d have thought 1:1 care from a nanny would be better. But perhaps not if it wasn’t a good nanny.

If you aren't working, you don't need a nanny. You might as well just enjoy spending time with him. I think nursery would be much more beneficial, great for socialisation and getting to hear lots of language use. The thing with being one on one (with you or a nanny) is that he is only just going to hear someone talking at home or narrating things around the house. In a communal environment, he can pick up on communication and listen to other people talking plus socialisation skills.

But really I wouldn't panic about the speech. Dh didn't speak at all until he was 2.5 (he also didn't walk until around the same time). And then he suddenly just started speaking in sentences. There was nothing 'wrong' with him. He just did it in his own time. He's a quite accomplished company director now and has no speech or language issues. I think 30 words by 18 months is quite optimistic.

My 17 month has been watching Ms Rachel on YouTube. She is incredible and we love her methods of teaching. My toddler has developed so much since watching her. I'm often surprised as she says words or identifies something I never knew she knew. We have her on all the time so my toddler learns whilst playing. She copies the actions too. I really recommend letting your child watch her shows.

Of course you're qualified to develop a child's speech. You talk to them, you read, you learn some Makaton and teach them some signs. You talk to them, you sing songs together, you encourage him to talk back to you.

And I'm not unsympathetic, DS still had no words at 3.5. nursery was absolutely the best thing for him.

I would say of you're hiring a Nanny to bring on his speech you need to be hiring one with a very specific set of skills because otherwise the Nanny will do exactly what you can do - read, talk, sing, sign, encourage.

Does he appear to have any other delays? What's his understanding like? Can he follow simple instructions? Does he understand the names of any objects?

If all else is fine, I think 3 hours of therapy a day for an 18 mo because his words are a bit late is total overkill

Hi Op, I don't have answers for you but I am in the middle of a similar situation so I thought I'd share where I am. Firstly I saw Dr and SALT when my son was 18 months and not speaking and both said just give him time. Neither really considered him speech delayed at the time.

Now my son is nearly two and still saying very little and I took him to the paedtrician again who recommended nursery to help promote speech. I had already enrolled him to start nursery around two months from then for two days a week, though Dr said I should do four.

However, I had found a brilliant nanny who I didn't want to lose nor did I want to lose my own time with my son so we decided two days nursery, one day nanny.

I've always taken him to lots of baby groups, classes, multiple play dates a week plus I sing to him and read to him at home. I've not really found that's helped and Dr said he needs the extra push of nursery. Plus lots of my friends have said nursery has helped their child no end.

However, DS started nursery this week and I didn't like his key worker (I've posted about it on the nursery thread), so I am now questioning my choice of nursery. Also considering a child minder as my friends have been really pleased with theirs.

I think I am in the minority and I'd go for nursery, based on my experience.
My little one is 2,5 and his language development is very much linked to the nursery environment he's in. At 18 months he was probably not saying much more than mummy and daddy to be honest, but I thought it was not that unusual!
As we talk another language at home, I can clearly see the difference when he goes to nursery often vs when he spends prolonged amounts of time at home with us. Most of his language is in English anyway, showing that it did develop within the nursery vs at home.

I think it has something to do with the need to be understood. At home with his parents we know what he wants even before he express any questions/request etc, while with the other children and his teachers he needs to communicate better to be understood.

The first sentences he ever said were related to that environment and those needs ('my turn, my turn', 'it's tea time!' etc).
I would be concerned the relationship with a nanny would be more similar to the one with his parents in terms of learning new words or being encouraged to say them to express a feeling.

I've always taken him to lots of baby groups, classes, multiple play dates a week plus I sing to him and read to him at home. I've not really found that's helped you don't think exposing him to speech and communication has helped but you're sending him to nursery?? Nursery is elan extension of what you're already doing - exposing him to words, teaching him that words have meaning, some have actions, words have rhythm and flow. A typical nursery isn't doing anything significantly different to you although they might teach basic sign, you're just increasing exposure, changing the environment so there's new opportunities etc. Assuming you interact with your child, them not speaking isn't about you not being good eno5

Go for a nanny all the way!

Hi @SleepingStandingUp thank you but the Dr really emphasised the importance of nursery to me. I'm a first time mum and a bit lost about what else to do as nothing I'm doing is helping and the speech therapist told me he's too young for therapy.

@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel

Hi *@SleepingStandingUp* thank you but the Dr really emphasised the importance of nursery to me. I'm a first time mum and a bit lost about what else to do as nothing I'm doing is helping and the speech therapist told me he's too young for therapy.

I'm not disagreeing with your Dr. I think nursery is great and I posted to op to say nursery over Nanny, coming from someone who's child was still non verbal at 3.

My point to you was you ARE helping, it just isn't happening as quick as it does for others. If you didn't take them to group, didn't sing and talk to them, your child would be further behind than they are now. So much happens before language comes out and everything you do helps to add to that. So please when he starts to talk, don't think it's ALL nursery and you didn't do anything. You lay the foundation on which they build alongside you

To be honest I’d change the paediatrician.

You don’t need to know anything about child psychology.

I imagine you and your husband are quite high achieving - investment banker and former MC? Just relax, read and chat to him - 18 months is far too early to worry about speech delay.

Maybe get in touch with a speech therapist before doing anything else to see what they say. So much can change between 18 months and 2.5 and I don't think if you went to your local NHS GP they would be encouraging any intervention at this stage. Unless there are other concerns I would be inclined to give it more time, not everything is a problem to be solved.

@LittleBearPad

To be honest I’d change the paediatrician.

You don’t need to know anything about child psychology.

I imagine you and your husband are quite high achieving - investment banker and former MC? Just relax, read and chat to him - 18 months is far too early to worry about speech delay.

I suspect, kindly, that the high achieving bit is the problem and there's been lots of expectations put on baby as to how clever and how amazing they will be with such clever parents and then everyone is asking why they can't do this yet or that yet, completely forgetting that average is just the middle of normal and speech isn't linked to intelligence

I am a nanny and there is honestly nothing I would do differently than you can do yourself. I would attend a mix of classes including swimming, playgroups, music classes etc. That will give a wide exposure to language in various environments and I would encourage some small play dates too.

Additionally I would spend lots of time reading, singing and chatting to the child each day. I would look up any activities that can aid speech development and spend time regularly doing these. All of this you can do no problem.

My 16 month old can say about 4 words - mama, dada, No! And More!

I’m really not sure he’ll learn another 26 in the next two months!

That diagnosis sounds weird to me.

I'm going to assume you're not in the UK, because I'm fairly sure no doctor worth their salt would be saying your child has a speech/language delay at 18 months. I don't think my toddler said more than about 5 words at that stage (mummy wasn't one of them either!) and I wasn't worried.

Nursery has been great for my child, but the reasons she goes there are 1. we both work and 2. I personally wouldn't enjoy being at home all the time with her. The socialisation was a bonus, especially under lockdown when no groups were running.

I really don't think you need a nanny if it's not for childcare reasons. You don't need to be an 'expert' to help our child - as others have said, just talk, sing, read to them and take them to some toddler groups or classes.