Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

To have a fourth or not?…. Would you?

97 replies

Waddayathink · 25/06/2021 20:53

I have 8 year old twins and a 5 year old… I’m very broody for another.
I’m 33, DH 43. Would you… or not?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 25/06/2021 22:37

I wouldn’t. I honestly don’t think I could give 4 enough individual attention.

RampantIvy · 25/06/2021 22:38

Your kids are at a really cheap age. They get way more expensive.

This ^^

School uniforms x 4
School trips and extras x 4
GCSE and A level stress x 4
Financial support through university x 4
A bigger car
Cooking, cleaning and washing for a family of 6

No time for yourself

It's a no from me

MsTSwift · 25/06/2021 22:40

Christ no. Why would you do this? Don’t you want to move on from the childcare drudge years? Then 4 teens?! We have 2 easy good girls teens now and the last week has driven us to drink.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds 8 year olds Families General parenting
Tatum1234 · 25/06/2021 22:42

Yes if you can afford it and both want another. I have four - 16,13,9&6 and it’s brilliant.

Ragwort · 25/06/2021 22:43

No I wouldn't, but I am more than happy with one child. How can you realistically give enough support and attention to four DC?

And I strongly feel that the world is far too over populated.

Original poster
Waddayathink · 25/06/2021 22:45

Hmmm… thanks for your thoughts! My twins are supposedly identical according to doctors (Though they look totally different to me Hmm )

They all would love a little brother/sister.
But I do wonder how the 5 year olds would cope with no longer being the ‘baby’ of the family.
Finances are ok… though getting a 5 bedroom house might be a push as I’m sure the eldest would want their own rooms at some point.

Ahh, I suppose I’m just being selfish. But you know that feeling of not being ‘done’? I’d love a massive family. But not if it impacts the family I already have in a negative way…

OP posts:
Original poster
Waddayathink · 25/06/2021 22:50

And a bigger car would be an issue. It took us long enough to find one with 3 proper rear seats! Maybe I should tell my ovaries to shut up!

OP posts:
ChilliChaos · 25/06/2021 22:51

I had a 4th and I still don’t feel ‘done’.

Would love more kids but too old and not rich enough

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 25/06/2021 22:53

God no. But then I’m exhausted at two and wouldn’t even go for three.

Four might work for you if you’ve got the energy, time, space, money and resources. Isn’t there that saying about you never regret the kids you have, only the ones you don’t?

ChimneyPot · 25/06/2021 22:57

I did.

They are now 18,17,17 and 10.

Definitely a fabulous decision. I also knew from the minute I found out I was pregnant that I was done at 4 and that has never changed.

Dillydollydingdong · 25/06/2021 22:58

What if it's another set of twins?

Passthepepper · 25/06/2021 22:58

@Ragwort

No I wouldn't, but I am more than happy with one child. How can you realistically give enough support and attention to four DC?

And I strongly feel that the world is far too over populated.

To be honest the population is declining in the developed world and even today it was announced that in the UK there were more deaths than live births last year. Aside from that, if you enjoy being a parent and can listen to each child and understand what each child needs of course you can give more than enough support, love and attention to each child. But not every one is cut out for it, so yes, good you acknowledge it’s not for you.
ShinyGreenElephant · 25/06/2021 23:00

I'd love another one... or two. Dd3 is only 3 months old but I'm broody already i just love the baby stage so much. I love all the stages to be honest. We can't afford more though and my husband is a twat so I won't be having a fourth

Passthepepper · 25/06/2021 23:04

@ShinyGreenElephant you’re bang on the money, bigger families only work with a non-twat partner!

thecognoscenti · 25/06/2021 23:09

No, there are too many people in the world as it is. Enjoy the kids you have.

troppibambini6 · 25/06/2021 23:09

I have four 16,10,7 and 6 (and two step kids).
Pros-
It's amazing being a big family
I love how they've all got each other's back unless they're trying to kill each other
They have their own gang to play with
They really do care for each other

Cons
It's expensive
You need space for them all to be able to escape to
You need to be super organised
The washing is ridiculous
The bickering can be horrendous
The is a lot. Just a lot of everything

We are in a really fortunate position that dh is a high earner we have a big five bed detached house and I'm a sahm. I'm able to go meet everyone's needs and can offer the one to one support everyone needs. They all get plenty of attention but also learn to be independent but the only reason I can do this is because I'm at home full time.

HiHoSylvie · 25/06/2021 23:10

Jeez @troppibambini6, do you manage all their washing with one machine?

troppibambini6 · 25/06/2021 23:13

@HiHoSylvie it is a big one but basically I wash pretty much every day! I suppose you kind of get used to it it's just normal for me now.
When they were little I had some help with ironing and cleaning but since they all started school it's just me.

troppibambini6 · 25/06/2021 23:16

Oh and dh isn't a twat Grin
He gets stuck in with everything really although is a bit shit with washing and housework. Anything kids related though and he's fab.

Hestartedoffsowell · 25/06/2021 23:19

People will judge though, I’ve always put that down to jealousy

I literally cannot think why!?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2021 23:20

God no. I would want to give the one's I already have the best life possible. Three is more than enough.

HiHoSylvie · 25/06/2021 23:24

@Aquamarine1029

God no. I would want to give the one's I already have the best life possible. Three is more than enough.
This comment only showed the first half on my phone and I swear I thought you were going to say "I would want to give the ones I already have back" Grin.

Your comment is a lot nicer Grin

CoralSparkles · 25/06/2021 23:28

Your 5 year old might feel left out. Their older twin siblings have each other and are interested in different things as they are older. You will be busy with baby. 5 years is quite a big age gap e.g. a 10 year old won’t want to do the same things as a 5 year old, same with 15 and 10 and so on. You also have to think about the possibility of having multiples. Focus your attention/resources on the 3 you have rather than spreading things thinly.

MsTSwift · 25/06/2021 23:36

Always slightly suspicious when these parents pining for large families claim their existing kids are “desperate” for a younger sibling. Wonder where they got that idea…

twinsbelly · 26/06/2021 08:33

I have a singleton, then twins. And now another baby. If you want another and it feels right for your family then go for it. If you can financially manage twins at any point then i wouldn't consider 4 to be too much of a burden (nursery fees I'm looking at you!)
My children are in love with their baby, he has given me the feeling of being completely done (which I didn't have before) and I can't imagine life without him now.
Don't care what other people think, do what suits you and your family.