Tell me about your non-instagrammable life with a toddler

[LemonLemonLemon]

Let me start by saying I know I shouldn’t pay too much attention to Insta-mums, but we all get sucked in. It’s easy to see the home cooked meals and perfect nurseries and feel inadequate, so let’s cheer each other up?

Tell me about the meals you feed your toddler and the house you live in. The bits that would never make it on the ‘gram.

Here’s mine: today for dinner he had a cheese omelette and beans. Yesterday he had fish fingers with waffles and beans.

His room currently features a large basket of clothing to put away and mismatched furniture. There’s no wall stickers or cute murals. His toy storage is a repurposed changing table. I bribed him to get out the bath today with a flap jack because he refused to move.

I have my desk set up in the dining room. Wednesdays is the day DH and 4yo DS are off work/nursery. I've had to talk over the sound of a toy washing machine for 1 phone call today, and a hand popping up to wave at people for 1 video call. Luckily it's all staff (no customers) and they all just giggle. Wish my desk could be somewhere else on Wednesdays.
DH has also fed DS beans twice today (beans and saus for lunch, beans with chips and burger for tea). The only fruit he's had is a banana with his cereal. At one point they went to visit DH's aunt, and the first thing DS did was lead her to the biscuit tin.
Oh, and apparently tidy your toys translates to tip over the big box of cars all over the floor.

My toddler sneezed in the cake mix we were mixing. :D

@Poppop4

I gave mine Jaffa cakes for breakfast a few days ago because it was the day of my dads funeral and I had zero fight in me that morning! It won’t kill her! Today for dinner she had tinned Heinz spaghetti Bolognese and toast a good nutritional tea right there 😂 shit happens!

Sorry about your dad @Poppop4

Cant take a picture unless they are standing against a door because if not there would be clothes airer, washing pile, hoover etc in the background. I dont live in mess but my house is certainly not Instagram worthy

This thread has made me feel loads better. Mostly because DS is snotty and teething, and all the nice photos I’ve taken over the past few days feature the snot/dribble way too much.

Another toddler with a cold here... I blame gymtots

Barely any food acceptable to him apart from veggie straws and gruffalo biscuits. Small sip of water. Snot everywhere (my t shirt has snail trails of it on the front) and constipated. Taken an hour to get to sleep because we have to run through names of body parts first (fucking head shoulders knees & toes).

Soo tired and none of this is going on bloody Instagram!!

@DisgruntledPelican

This thread has made me feel loads better. Mostly because DS is snotty and teething, and all the nice photos I’ve taken over the past few days feature the snot/dribble way too much.

My toddler gave my colleagues a lovely close up of his snotty nose this afternoon when he climbed over my laptop while I was on a video call 🤢

DS2's nursery is shut due to COVID so juggling looking after him and working. This is week 2. He has joined many meetings and gotten into daily mischief. He has mostly watched tv, eaten biscuits and made a mess.

Today my 9 month old weed on me and I was glad because my leg is easier to clean than the carpet.

Last night he woke up every half an hour complaining about the "big big spider". Creepy. When he got bored of this he woke up every half an hour to kick DH in the mouth.

I'm trying to wean him from breastfeeding and he does not agree with this plan. However, he does not actually want to breastfeed any more. He just likes the idea of being able to if he wants to. So if I give up and let him latch on he just hangs out attached to my boob grinning at me but not actually drinking any milk, which is INFURIATING.

The other day he woke up (in our bed) and leaned over my face about an inch away and said "Mummy! The big big school tram!!" He likes to share his dreams.

Sometimes he sleeps through the night in his own cot.

He's very worried about spiders at the moment since we found one in his room. So he will decide that random things he can see that he doesn't know what they are are spiders. Today one was a bogey that was dried on to his bed sheet. The other day it was one of my washing machine hair tumbleweeds.

Everything in our house lives on top of the four storey high Ikea Kallax shelves because it's the only place he can't reach. He even says "Put it high up in the sky so (DS2) can't get it, Daddy"

Blindingpeaky you know, I have had this exact thought :o

It also applies to when you catch vomit intentionally, using your hands/clothing.

Thread of the Year - thank you OP 🤣

I was going to say the same as @BertieBotts re catching vomit too. The joys of parenthood.

@bertiebotts yes catching vomit feels like a massive victory

He bites.

This thread is making me feel SO much better about my life at the moment. Toddler had a huge meltdown during hair cut we had to leave with half his hair cut - he looks ridiculous. Refuses to eat veg at the moment and most of the time will only eat oven food for tea. Spent 2 hours Sunday blowing up the paddling pool and filling it with a bucket because the hose wasn't working for him to decide he no longer wanted to play in the pool

Twin1 has realised his finger is the same size as my nostril. He likes to put his finger up there. Deep.

DS1 was about 18months when he got his first vomiting bug, he woke up crying I went in and poor wee soul had been sick all in his cot so I picked him up and could just see he was about to go again and I had no idea what to do so I just held him to my chest and let him spew down my top - sick all in the bra

My two year old threw his bottle of squash (yes he drinks squash, not water, because I'm terrible) at my MILs head. I told him to stop throwing. He threw it at my newborns head. I took it away from him and he cried so much he almost threw up. While my MIL stood in the corner shaking her head and then said "the baby is hungry". Found myself dealing with a tantrum with a boob hanging out trying to get into newborns mouth, while covered in sweat and milk and squash. And then my husband came back after a "after work swim" and said how tired he felt.

Instagram can fuck right off.

@Blue4YOU

I’m envious of you all! I’ve spent hours today weighing up what to do about my daughter’s illness- hay fever? Pneumonia? Covid? And then spent hours suctioning her. It’s not Instagram worthy, her medical equipment and so on, but given that it takes a lot more to make her room HER room than a credit card, it fucking should be on Instagram

Uigghh you have my up-most empathy bad hugs for the suction machine alone. I hated that thing. Actually Mom's like you should be on more places like instragram. You're far more inspirational than someone who's MIGs match the carpets and curtains

My Niece's mum, my SIL, has passed away and as her god parents and sort of next of kin we've taken her in for who knows how long. This is not pretty, or instagrammable.

Also who knew toddlers could poo into their own hand AND eat a chocolate digestive at the same time? What a delightful talent

@LBTM

We bribe our 3yr old with chocolate every day to try to get a poo in the potty. It hasn't yet worked and we get a midnight poo and nappy change every night.

Things could be worse!

community.whattoexpect.com/forums/june-2019-babies/topic/im-pretty-sure-baby-ate-poop-nasty-pic-included-100177195.html

Hahaha @Justme10 I also have lots of back of the head shots... usually the boys running away from me and each other but when I send them to my DH or family they always say “ lovely shot of them having fun” ! Or “so nice to see natural photos”

I don’t have a choice. They don’t smile on command 😂😂😂 they prefer to pull evil faces or shove fingers up noses!

@Willwebebuyingnumber11 that's my excuse, if anyone asks I hate forced posed photos were they are smiling

@Blindingpeaky 😂😂😂😂😂

I feel like this is the perfect answer to -
“Sum up being a mum in 1 sentence”