My brother in law has just created the most ridiculous situation and I am furious.
Here's a preamble, read it or skip ahead...
My wife is one of four and she suffers from that middle child feeling, and frustratingly her family do things to make it not just a feeling but a reality, there's too many to go into, but I'll give you two. The aforementioned brother in law got married the year after my wife and I, and the most convenient day for everything to happen ended up being exactly one year after our wedding. Nobody in my wife's family had our backs when we questioned this, so we spent our first anniversary at their wedding.
My daughter was born last July and they are expecting their first in August, also a girl. They've contacted us to say that they want to use a name that is extremely similar to our daughter's. I'm not going to give real names away, but if our daughter was called Eliza, they are planning on calling their daughter Liza, it's that similar.
My bro in law asked me a few weeks ago, in private about this. I said, it's very similar and I thought it would lead to confusion, and that he needed to remember that he had his wedding on the same date as us, it has affected his sister (my wife) so I don't think there is any way my wife would be cool with it. I didn't want to be too harsh with him in the moment, cos I don't feel telling people what to do ever ends well; I just really hoped he'd see sense that it was just a bad idea on all accounts.
Well, turns out he's still so stuck on the name that they asked us about it last night. They said they know it's similar, but it's also different and they've spoken to other family members that 'don't think it will be a problem'. Again, not having my wife's back and really hammering home the undervalued middle child narrative.
If it was down to me, I think it's just a stupid choice of a name that will lead to confusion, but whatever it's their stupid decision to make. However, when I consider how it makes me wife feel, who is very, very upset, I am downright angry. How could they ever think it was a good idea to even consider the name?? They should have seen the name, chuckled and moved on.
Now, we have to either bite our lip and say it's ok, making them happy but feeling bitter, or we have to be 'the bad guys' and say how we feel. We both think that they are paying us lip service and they've just made up their minds. If they do call their child essentially the same name as our's it's going to leave a bad taste in the mouth every time I have to address their daughter.
They have created a situation where someone will end up disappointed. I am livid.