4 months too young for sleep training?

[Dorset555]

Hi all need some advice my partner is really adamant that we need to leave our baby to cry more. He takes a hard line and I'm much more soft. I'm trying to compromise with well planned sleep training, and wondering when we can start it. Is 4 months too young? I'm pretty sure we have been through the regression/are coming to the end of it. There is so much conflicting advice online, I guess because there are no instruction manuals with babies....but what do you guys think? Thank you!!

4 months is too young

Sleep training doesn’t have to involve leaving baby alone to cry. I started sleep training all of mine before/around then but I still always picked them up if they were crying.
Does baby have a dummy?

I don't think it's ever too young to start good routines, I followed the GF method which is very unpopular on Mumsnet but meant my DS slept from 7am-7pm with one very quick night feed, self settled & I never had a disturbed night ... it might have been the routine or I may just have had a good sleeper for a baby . Sleep training does not have to involve leaving your baby to cry.

Thanks all - not sure whixh method is best but I was reading about one where you go back in after 5 then 10 then 15...I appreciate everyone has different views on these methods its so hard to work out what mine is! We all would benefit from more sleep.

4 months is too young, we did sleep training, but nit till 6 months

And yes she does have a dummy...but I'm keen to stop her relying on that to sleep tbh. X

It's not taking a hard line to leave a 4 month old crying. It's neglect and it's twisted.
I suspect there are much bigger problems here if your partner is treating his tiny baby this way.

Leave a 4 month old to cry is neglect.

A lot of people will say it is, though they won’t show you any evidence why.

We did sleep training at 5 months and it’s hard to overestimate how much better it made all our lives. So I’d say: do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you feel it’s too soon, hold off. But your partner isn’t wrong to want to do it either.

www.basisonline.org.uk/how-babies-sleep/

I’m not a massive fan of GF because a lot of babies simply won’t adapt to her routines and it leaves the mother feeling rubbish, but I don’t think she’s ever advocating crying it out.

6 months minimum but leaving them to cry is neglect, all you teach them is that their needs won't be answered. There are other options. We did the pick up put down method and it worked wonders

@ManicPixie if you look around on the website would will find the theory as to why sleep training a young child is believed to be damaging. There is no evidence it’s considered to damaging so therefore it would be unethical to do research into some thing which is consider to be damaging to babies.

If a 4 month old is crying, it needs attention. Hope that helps.

It’s too young and if you are going to do it don’t take her dummy too. She’s only 4 months old.

Yes, I would personally say that 4 months is way too young. I wouldn’t be too impressed with my dh taking a “hard line” with such a tiny baby. The only way for them to express their needs is to cry. I also think mums hear the cry in a different way. My dh could tune it out a bit more as it wouldn’t bother him as much but for me, it was like a siren going off and my urge was to get there quickly and comfort the baby.

Another voice to say it’s too young

Get the best sleep environment you can for her and just weather the storm for the next few months. It’s hard, the 4 month sleep regression is awful.

Then at 6 months to the sleep training you’ve read about, it’s brilliant.

At this age don’t leave your baby to cry, but you can leave her to fuss for a few minutes and see if she’ll sort herself out. You don’t need to rush in every time she makes a noise and sometimes you can wake her ip more doing that. We’d always leave ours for a few minutes before going in

No one needs to leave a baby to cry at all, let alone more. Grizzle a bit or whinge, sure – some babies settle down making grumbly noises. But crying generally means they need something!

Four months is teeny tiny still. What’s her sleep actually like? What issue is your partner trying to solve?

I don't think any baby should ever be left to cry personally, babies need there mum and reassurance. If baby is waking then they need mum or dad to settle and sooth them. Not to feel abandoned.

I'm with @Indoctro

The baby was inside you more much longer than 4 months. The outside world must still feel so weird.

[quote Fitforforty]www.basisonline.org.uk/how-babies-sleep/[/quote]
That’s a glorified blog, that even has a whole section devoted to the idea that “research on sleep training is limited”. It talks about the training being stressful for parents (well duh) while offering no science on the effect on babies.

This is exactly the kind if hysteria I’m talking about.

It’s where Durham university put their sleep training research in format which is more easily read by the majority of parents. I’m sure if you were interested you could ask for or find the original research papers.

The original creators of controlled crying said it was for babies 6 on the plus although this has now been adjusted 12 months which is very far away from 4 months.

No don't leave your baby to cry, that's just cruel. Honestly, just tend to your baby's needs. It doesn't mean you are "too soft", it means you are a good mother. It doesn't last long. Hang in there.

The issue here is his expectations, not your babies sleep. It's a baby, you're going to be up in the night, you're going to see 4am more times than you'd like, he just needs to deal with the lack of sleep.

I sleep trained my eldest at 1, then again at 1.5 and again at 2.5 because she's just a crap sleeper. Baby DS has only just started to have a routine at 7 mo, has slept through since 6 weeks. It's just luck.

It's neglect, no matter how it's dressed up. I've an almost 4 month old and I'd rather never sleep again than do that to him.

If you want a less disturbed night's sleep then consider co-sleeping safely. If not, accept that wake-ups are part and parcel of having a baby, and that crying is how they communicate. Adults wake in the night and can comfort themselves or each other. Babies can't do that. So they cry. Why would you not want to do that?