Isn't it all just a bit like Freshers' Week??

[PencilsFromPennsylvania]

Am probably just in a terribly cynical mood - maybe it's being in the house all day watching the rain come down - but are there any other new mums out there who are a bit tired of their new friends?

My LO is 4 months old and I have met quite a few mums in my area and meet up with them regularly. Thing is, I haven't met anyone who I totally click with, and there is only so much interest I can muster about someone else's baby and their teeth/sleep/poo etc. All we talk about is babies and I'm getting bored!

Having said that, when we see our friends without kids I can't quite come to terms with the fact they don't want to talk about my LO the whole time.

I'm in a bad mood, aren't I? Any suggestions for meeting more new people or making the most of the people I know already?

YOu could come on MN a bit more. That way you get to choose whether to join in the conversations about poo/teeth/sleep.

See your childless friends in the evening, when you can have a glass of vino, chill out and all moan about your husbands instead!
With your 'baby' friends, perhaps see them without children too. And steer the conversation away from kids! Could you do a cinema night? Or start up a bookclub with them?

Message withdrawn

Exactly like freshers week! The thing is some of the people you meet may actually be very interesting and feel as frustrated as you do with baby talk. I know I tended to talk 'baby' for quite a long time just because I was so knackered that I couldn't actually think of anything else to talk about!

Meeting up in the evening now and again is a good idea.

Also keep trying to meet new mums - try some different activities - baby yoga, signing, whatever takes your fancy.

leave the babies with the dhs and go out drinking
much more like fresher's week and you will find yourselves talking about real grown up stuff

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to establish who you want to be friends with. can you organise something and get the mums you know to bring another mum?

Had the same experience - you think will I ever have any friends. DD turned one and I still haven't really clicked with any of the local mothers but I keep going to coffee afternoon with one group, but I binned my NCT group. Its easier when you go to singing, baby gym, or swimming classes. You don't necessarily make friends but you DC will "socialise" and I prefer doing things than sitting around chatting about poo.

I always thought of it like going to work and meeting people there. Mainly you "shop", then as you get to know people better, find someone you click with, etc you become friends outside of work too...

My dd is 2 and a half and I found the same when she was a baby but now she's older I find that my 'mum' friends and I don't talk nearly as much about the children - I think it takes time to build up friendships to a level where you start to talk about other things. I've also found NCT coffee mornings good as the mums all have children of different ages meaning that there is much less comparing of milestones! So my only advice is to hang in there! It might improve.

New mummy friends = totally like Freshers Week, but in my case it took about three years to realise it! Good on you for being more observant than me.

It's a transitional time, though. Conversations about nappies, weaning etc jolly useful until you've got the hang of things. Then you can gracefully back away and locate one or two friends with kids that you genuinely get along with. And/or get on a mission of making the conversation more interesting/drunken until something clicks.

I can totally relate to this! I think I became "friends" with my ante-natal group as they were the only other mums I knew. The only thing we really had in common was that our babies were born within a couple of months of each other.

I used to wonder what the hell was wrong with me, as I would often prefer to stay at home or go somewhere just dd and I than go to meet them all. I found their conversations boring, and they used to make a huge fuss over things that I just took in my stride. I could never imagine a friendship with any of them if it weren't for the babies.

I started going to other groups and activities on my own, and through one of the toddler groups I've made a lovely set of friends, but it was only once I started seeing them regularly that I realised that things had never been right with the first lot. And that actually it wasn't me being a freak, but I was just with the wrong people.

The other thing I did was to go on a mumsnet meet-up. I'm not sure if we ever talk about poo or babies, but there's certainly a lot of wine drunk, a tale or two to tell the day after, and they're just the best nights out.

Stick with it, cast your net wide and you'll find someone you can click with.

did someone askwhich a levels you did?
orwhich hallyou are in?
or which schoolyou wnetto?

I know what you meanthough.

It wasn;treally untilds1 wasalmost finished nursery that Ifound 'mumfriends' that i clickedwith

apoogies fordreadful keyboard

I absolutely agree. I picked up some new friends in the first months after ds was born and then realised I had nothing in common with them apart from similarly aged kids.

Crucially I wanted 'mum friends' who I'd have been friends with before ds.

Eventually I found a few, one by one, who are local and who I would otherwise be friends with - one through a friend of a friend, one or two via toddler groups and ds's nursery but it has taken a very long time!

I just carried on doing the things I did before and took DD with me, Gym (she went in the creche), walks in country park, (met loads of like minded mums there!) and Church.

Hated mums and tots groups, all neurotic and/or competitive!

It is like Freshers' week yes. But take heart as your baby is still pretty young. I found that while I didn't exactly click with all of my antenatal crowd, I eventually met others through postnatal gatherings whom I really got along well with and now (daughter is 18mts) am in a lovely crowd (will scupper it all next year by moving out of centre of town, pah, and then will have to start again). Bit miserable of previous poster to say mums and tots groups are all neurotic etc. Maybe some are but that's a bit negative.

I like the ones I have left, but then DD is now nearing 4! There were some definite false starts though. It will be interesting to see which, if any, friendships survive the start of school (ie no Mondays and Fridays to do with as I please, and see who I like).

I completely agree with Bobble about viewing other mums a bit like colleagues. Somehow the kind of shared work (parenting) does make me 'need' less from my mum friends than I do from my other friends. They don't really need to be the kind of people I naturally gravitate to, just pleasant company to pass the time with as our dcs grow up a bit.

Hi all,

yes just because you are all mums doesn't mean you will get on! I am in touch witha ll the girls bar one form my antenatal group-we went to a local NHS group-and we go out with the kids almost every week-but we have also arranged a night out-just the girls and left babies at home with Dads!-it was great-we let our hair down andhad a few glasses of vino! Admitted ly we talked about kids all the time-but at least we could talk without small jabbering babies!!
We are going out again and made a rule that whoever talks about kids has to have a drink-so hopefully we will all be seriously drink in 30minutes!!