How can I get my toddler to behave in a restaurant?

[motherof1l]

Took my toddler who’s just turned one to a restaurant the other day. He was crying and irritable and because we were worried about disturbing other diners, me and DH ended up taking him for walks whilst the other one had lunch.

Just wondering where I’m going wrong as my friend has a baby of similar age who is perfectly well behaved in restaurants.

Friend said snacks are the key - is this the case?

I’m thinking screen time might be another option but don’t want to go down that route if I can help it.

Go when it's quiet and take distractions - food or otherwise. It's all very overwhelming for a baby.

The key is having a placid baby/toddler who isn’t that bothered about movement.

IME you either have one or you don’t.

Snacks and toys help a little, but ultimately some toddlers are ok sitting for ages and some aren’t.

me and DH ended up taking him for walks whilst the other one had lunch.

That's what many have to do for some of the time, quite normal. I don't think many one year olds are guaranteed to be happy in a restaurant for long, it can be pretty boring for a kid who's just learned to walk to be expected to sit down for quite a long time. Obviously try to make sure he's not tired when you arrive. I don't know about 'snacks'... he should certainly be having food to eat as you are, even if it is things you've brought for him, and of course trying suitable bits of yours.

Practise at home and take him out when he's older. He's very young for 'behaving' at a table for more than 10 minutes and the stress of expecting him too will be traumatic for all involved.
Your friend just got lucky if it's true

It totally depends on the child, their age, and how tired/hungry they are.

We took DS to restaurants all the time when he was a baby, and he was a placid little soul. After he turned 1 and was more mobile, he started to get really bored and would want to explore/stick his fingers in everything/know stuff over. I remember one really shit meal out with FIL when DS was 15 months old, which I spent standing outside in the rain with DS while DH ate his meal, then I would swap in quickly to wolf mine. Rinse and repeat for three courses.

We persevered with more casual meals (Starbucks, Wahaca, pizza express, Zizzi), and he eventually grew out of it, and will sit nicely and eat in a “proper” restaurant now. He does still get bored after a while, so there is no more lingering over coffee and dessert while we chat, like we could pre-baby. Definitely easier if we choose pizza or pasta over anything more esoteric.

So keep trying, but make it easier for him to succeed. A toastie in Costa is still technically a meal out.

Or if you do want to take him out....and why wouldn't you....then I think you have to accept that it going to be a bit messy and be prepared to ride it out.
I don't think very small children enjoy these events very much though. Looking back to when mine were small I wish I'd given both them and me a break and minimised the number of times we did this.

I think you have to just keep going to restaurants with your little one - family friendly ones only though - and over time they will learn how to behave. My DS used to be an absolute angel in restaurants until he turned 2 and then he wouldn't sit still and would want to run around and make a noise. Luckily at the time we lived somewhere with lots of restaurants with outdoor seating (warm country) and many of them had play areas so we made a point of going to these. One of us would run around with him or supervise in the play areas and then by the time the food came he was usually happy to sit down for twenty minutes or so to eat his dinner quietly. On the days when we didn't have the energy we relied on colouring books, small toys and YouTube. By the time he was 3 he'd got it and learned how to sit nicely at the table and not make a racket. But it took a lot of stressful dinners and lunches to get there!

You’re not going wrong, you wait it out until they get bigger. Thankfully a year can make a huge difference. In the meantime screens do help.

As others said, it's somewhat down to the child. My ds was a delight in restaurants, my dd not so much. It's also important that you have meals together as a family at home and role model dinner table behavior. Screens didn't exist when my dc's were toddlers, but now that they are teenagers and a pita, I find screens very useful and luckily they come pre-attached to all teenagers so you don't have to give them yours.

Don't forget, your baby has had a year of little socialising in these busy scenarios with lockdown, so it is not surprising its overwhelming and overestimating for them, as they won't be used to lots of people and noise in that setting. It may take a while before you can do it reliably - I was really lucky with DS as he's always behaved well in restaurants and social situations, but he was at nursery full time from 3 months and has always been food-motivated, so would sell his granny for a plate of smoked salmon. My cousin on the other hand couldn't take her DD out to restaurants as easily because she didn't like the noise, the different people and wasn't bothered by food. If we went out together with our babies, it would be somewhere casual where we could leave easily if her DD became distressed.

Overstimulating, not overestimating. Stupid autocorrect

Yeah, I really don't think there is anything unusual about a baby getting bored in a restaurant, OP. Especially at that age, when they are so curious about the world around them. Unless of course you can distract them, but in my experience, even that doesn't last very long. They hardly understand the concept. I personally only ever took my little one to places where there was appropriate entertainment for them, like playground attached etc and taking lunch in turns was a given until they reached an age when they understood table manners etc.

In the meantime screens do help.

I’m trying to avoid screens, as I don’t want him to think it’s acceptable to stare at a screen at the table when he’s older and we’re on a family meal out. It does make it a lot harder to keep him occupied tho.

It is basically impossible if you have a baby who likes to explore. Which is most people.

Things that help:

1. go for the "early sitting " - you'll find restaurants packed with young kids at 11.30am/12pm and 4.30pm/5pm. If you only disrupt other parents you feel less awful.
2. choose a place where walking around is ok (this is harder due to covid) eg a pub, McDonald's, a buffet restaurant
3. practice in informal settings eg garden centre cafes
4. go to self service cafes where you don't have to wait ages to be served
5. go somewhere you can dine outside - a good pub garden for example. Outdoors you don't notice the noise of your shouty child as much
6. only have a main course. You simply can't expect a little child to sit and watch you eat.

My son is now 2.5 and it is even harder because now he wants to explore everything. But he is just old enough to start enjoying stickers and fuzzy felts. A new pack of stickers or a new sticker book is the price of a lunch now for me and better than screen time.

You're expecting way too much of a 12 month old.

That's what his behaviour is telling you. It's sad that instead of listening you're labelling him as "badly behaved" .

When DS was younger, my fil used to insist on meals out and him being there for some reason (praise lockdown for stopping that!!)

I used to pack a bag with all different toys in (ones that aren’t a load of parts!).

• wooden animals
• dinosaurs
• crayons and paper
• cars and vehicles
• snacks snacks and snacks

Then every 5-10 minutes I would pull something out the bag, and put the other toys away again so he had a fresh rotation.

Worked a treat with him.

DS2 is only 11 weeks old and I can already see this won’t work with him - totally different kid! So it does depend on the child. DS1 is very chilled and easy going

We love eating out at nice restaurants and I wasn’t prepared to stop with DC. This usually works for us.

-DC should be hungry, not hangry but definitely ready to eat.
-Order for them quickly, if having multiple courses their main should come with your starters. They can have a desert whilst you have your main.
-Quiet activities whilst they wait for food like stickers or colouring. At 1 mine would happily play peekaboo with the napkin.
-Special drink they don’t get at home like an apple juice.
-Practice good table manners at home.
-Avoid meals out when DC would usually be having a nap.
-Practice! Eat out frequently and they will get used to it.
-I’m personally ok with screens (no volume!) but only after DC has finished eating and if it’s a long meal or we are lingering.

Timing, timing, timing

So go at their meal time (12pm vs 1pm) go when they are ready to eat.

Order as soon as you are seated (look at menu online first).

Expect to have 1 course.
Leave promptly.

I have a one year old DS and we've just started taking him to restaurants recently. What's worked is taking snacks, toys and books (non noisy ones!). It kept him going for long enough until the food came. We ordered him his own meal ( the place we went to had an under 3s menu) and only had 2 courses. No way would he have sat for 3! Honestly I think we were lucky with 2!

I think the trick is to time it right and go as close to his normal meal time as possible, with distractions on hand!

We’ve just started going out with our almost 1 year old and it’s Lott the relaxing affair it used to be; he was initially passed around everyone’s laps before food then he ate his food, then he wanted to explore so we walked him around whilst waiting for the bill. Luckily we had a seat by the door so we took him for a wander around the pub, then back in a few times and that killed about 20 minutes.

my dd1 was exactly the same and I think it was due to boredom. Your only chance for some time is lots oif different types of distractions, toys, books, fav cartoon in your phone, snacks probably won't be enough. Your friend clearly had a more chilled child, they're either chilled or just not in my opinion. With my dd1 after about 15 mins, snacks or not, she'd just be so restless we'd have to take her for walks like your doing. However with age shes got so much better and now she's 4 will happily sit for a whole meal but still needs distractions, colouring/I pad with a game on etc.

We’ve just started going out with our one year old. We do something to tire him out first, like a park, walk or soft play etc. Then DH takes him outside for an explore if he gets antsy before food.

We order him his own portion of food, even though it’s way too big, because it keeps him occupied to try and eat it while we eat in peace.

We practiced in a soft play centre restaurant first

Nothing distracted my first child. You could bring every toy, have every conversation and all the food they liked in front of them and they still would get bored, want to be nosey and get frustrated. A quick cafe meal or takeout, fine. Anything over 30 minutes and we would have to take it in turns to take her for a walk outside.

Dd2 the complete opposite. Will sit nicely, eat her food, watch us/other people and babble away to us.

You can encourage good behaviour of course but most of it is luck I think.

Do you sit at the table for meals at home? When my dc were tiny we got into a routine of all sitting at the table to eat, for every meal. Even if it was just dc eating (eg we planned to eat after bedtime), or dc had had an early tea and we were eating later, we'd all sit and just enjoy the time together. Sitting formally at a table for a length of time in a restaurant is a huge leap for a baby who is not used to this way of eating. Start at home.