How can I get my toddler to behave in a restaurant?

[motherof1l]

Took my toddler who’s just turned one to a restaurant the other day. He was crying and irritable and because we were worried about disturbing other diners, me and DH ended up taking him for walks whilst the other one had lunch.

Just wondering where I’m going wrong as my friend has a baby of similar age who is perfectly well behaved in restaurants.

Friend said snacks are the key - is this the case?

I’m thinking screen time might be another option but don’t want to go down that route if I can help it.

You can't.
Toddlers are terrorists and we don't negotiate with terrorists.

Or you could take plenty of quiet toys, colouring books and crayons.

How do you eat at home? You can't expect a child who never sits still at home to magically behave in restaurants. My children sat in their high chair from when they could support themselves, around 5 months, and it was non negotiable, they sat until everyone was finished so in restaurants it wasn't an issue. Obviously I'm a restaurant theres other stimuli and that's where snacks, crayons etc come in.

Yeah, it’s luck. DD was always pretty good in restaurants - but she was a terrible sleeper. You win some you lose some!

Try noisy places aimed at families, at least you won’t be alone.

We were very lucky, ours was pretty good without too much effort. At the same time, we did have some rules. We went early for dinner when there wouldn't be many people around, we brought thing to entertain her, we let her eat bits of our food (so we both had to order at least something she could share), we interacted with her, we left quickly.

We are now used to being very uncivilsed around adults, I'm afraid.

We just never bothered.. it was all a total pain in the arse. Started eating out again when they were 3/4.

That's what his behaviour is telling you. It's sad that instead of listening you're labelling him as "badly behaved" .

@tornadosequins I'm not sure what's sad about wanting to teach my toddler to behave in restaurants. Unless you're one of those parents who lets their kids run riot and disturbs everybody else's meals?

My children sat in their high chair from when they could support themselves, around 5 months, and it was non negotiable

@motogogo How can it be non-negotiable with a 5 month old though? I mean if they start screaming and crying, you can't exactly leave them there whilst you finish up!

Please don't use screen time, it's very rude to other diners. I hate it even more than a restless child.

Choose family friendly places or wait til baby is older. A one year old isn't a toddler, they're a baby.

I imagine he's bored stiff

Oh! Another great piece of easy entertainment is magic water colouring books. Probably not until your baby is about 18 months though.
They just go in a bag, you can ask for a glass of water to use to fill the pen and away they go. Then they dry and the colours disappear again for next time. We always had different sized paintbrushes in the bag too to keep it varied and interesting.

m.shein.co.uk/1pc-Cartoon-Graphic-Random-Magic-Water-Book-p-2351580-cat-1966.html?url_from=ukadplasscreat18210319599one-size&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-I6T48yK8QIVEJftCh0h2AkxEAQYAiABEgKZ9_D_BwE&ref=www&rep=dir&ret=m

This kind of thing

😊

Also consider that a busy place may be overwhelming for a baby (agree 12 months is not a toddler) who has only lived in a lockdown world.

I have a just turned 1 year old. She is quite nosey so loves looking around and this helps but even still she will last 1 hour only. So main course only (we've managed pudding once…yum).

We go for 12pm, half HR earlier than her lunch time. Less busy and service faster. I bring a selection of toys, then start to feed her bits of her lunch, I bring her favourite foods and couple of favourite snacks for after. Nursery rhymes, songs, a book all great ideas.

From about 18 months to 3 it was a total shit show every time we tried to eat out with DD and just ended up with one of us eating alone

Since restaurants have reopened this time round she’ll happily play with some sylvanian families, colouring book or other small toys at the table, for long enough for us to have a quick meal.

Our son is extremely active but took him out for meals out from 2 days old. In the beginning we ordered one course at a time and saw how we got on. When he was one we took him everywhere from family restaurants to Michelin star places. Our tricks were we always arrived at 12 which was his lunch time. If possible I checked the menu before and would literally be shown to our table and order his meal before the waitress could leave. We purposely shopped for what we called restaurant toys anything that was quiet and he could do at the table from stickers to little toys we sought these toys out and saved them for meals out so they were exciting. Lots of snacks! An absolute strict rule no getting down from the table at all. Once they think walking around is an option they will want to do it so we never made it an option.

Snacks or screen time is the best bet. Toys will end up on the floor after a few minutes lol. We used to go to the harvester mostly so that we could give some bread from the salad bar as soon as we had ordered our food

And you can have a video on your phone without the sound blaring to disturb other customers

Because we had twins they were used to sitting in their high chairs during meals at home, they weren't allowed to get out and run around and got into trouble for throwing things.
With two of them I couldn't allow much flexibility.
This meant they were used to those rules when going out.

Other things that helped were going early, asking for breadsticks or similar as soon as we set down and not having multiple courses.

We had quiet toys until the meal came but no screens.

The other thing that helped was we ate out most weekends somewhere even if just a cafe so they were really used to it.

We just gave restaurants a miss for a few years. The stress/financial hit/fun ratio was just too poor.

To people saying, well they need to be trained from an early age to sit quietly in restaurants or they'll never learn, I disagree. It's a developmentsl stage, and they find sitting quietly difficult. We don't expect toddlers to sit for an hour listening to teachers drone on, or to stay in their seats during a two hour film, or many other things which older children manage just fine.

And please, no Peppa Pig or Baby Shark that's audible to other diners.

Op we didn’t do screens in restaurants - 10 years ago it really wasn’t that common - we took colouring and books and little figures . Picked the right time for them to eat too and only went places that were child friendly and had kids meals - so ate a lot of pizza !

You sound like 2019 me, wanting to avoid screens.

look at it this way.

Who you going out for dinner for? - Yours and your DH entertainment. Do you think a 1 year old "wants" to be out for dinner? Heck no...

Give them something to distract/enjoy. I find it wild people expect kids to shut up and put up - especially at 1 lol. My DD is very chatty and loves to sit at the table and chat to people. Waiters all sorts. Now gets excited for her food to come etc. She is nearly 3. When she was 1 she watched bing whilst i enjoyed a ceaser salad and a glass of wine.

Balance.

Take them back when they're 6. Adjust your expectations until then!

or like others have said - colouring books. Its exactly the same though the art of distraction, giving them something fun to do instead. However, society has you to believe that if that "something" fun is screen then your parenting badly.

Whilst my DD isn't interested in screens whatsoever she honestly would rather draw and make shopping lists, I think its totally fair to do either.

Yep, a relaxing meal out is but a dream for a good few years!
I take a back pack of little toys or colouring books and pencils for our three year old. We eat at the table together most nights at home so he's used to sitting to eat, but gets fed up after not very long.
We tend to go to noisy, family focused places to eat, so he gets lost in the din a bit. Usually, these places get you in, fed and get you out again very quickly.
I'm trying to resist the screen time path, our son isn't really bothered by them anyway, he certainly wasn't at 1.
Take comfort in the fact that most parents are just happy that it's not their kid making the noise, they're not judging you!

I absolutely think dc can learn to behave well in restaurants at a later age, it is almost certainly easier for them to do so.
But if you want to take younger dc to restaurants it can help if they are already used to sitting in high chairs etc.

We pretty much stopped eating out other than the odd cafe or family friendly place and I desperately try and avoid any sort of catch up or big group lunch. You end up spending a fortune to not talk to people because you're trying to manage bored toddler/s whilst simultaneously inhaling cold food which has cost you a fortune.

Much easier to invite everyone to sit in our garden and let the kids play, or have a picnic in the park, everyone has much more fun!

@dorris88

or like others have said - colouring books. Its exactly the same though the art of distraction, giving them something fun to do instead. However, society has you to believe that if that "something" fun is screen then your parenting badly.

Whilst my DD isn't interested in screens whatsoever she honestly would rather draw and make shopping lists, I think its totally fair to do either.

It is very different. Even if you can’t be bothered to research the studies on the effect of blue light, the movements etc. you must see that a child colouring in can still listen and interact in conversation where as screen time is all consuming. The sensory difference is huge.