Pissed off at my friend for her judgmental comments!

[bleachblondemom]

I saw my life-long friend (call her F) at the weekend, and she said something that has really pissed me off. It wasn’t about me and my baby, it was about another woman she knows and her baby. Not sure how old the baby in question is, but basically F was telling me that the mom said her baby doesn’t sleep through the night and still wakes in the night. So F was basically like ‘I’m not even a mom and even I know that means her baby obviously isn’t getting enough to eat and isn’t a happy baby’.
I just muttered something like ‘it’s not as simple as that’ and just carried on playing with my son hoping the other person in the room (also not a mom) would change the subject. I didn’t want start an argument and embarrass her. But in my head I wanted to say, you are talking an absolute load of shit you judgemental bitch. And what do you mean even you KNOW this? Where the fuck have you learnt that? Spending a couple of days a week with your nephew and you think you know what it’s like to be a parent and actually take care of a baby? That’s not really how it fucking works. What an utterly stupid thing to say. Even if she had a child it would still be a ridiculous thing to say. I’m so cross with her.
F does stuff like this a lot, makes comments about things she knows absolutely nothing about. She’s quite judgmental. But this seriously takes the piss.
I think I just needed to get this off my chest so I can stop thinking about it.
She has been my friend literally since we were babies, I’ve known her all my life. We are growing apart a bit but I still don’t really want to pick a fight with her. But another part of me, who is a mom and wants to stand up for all other moms who have to put up with shit like this, really wants to tell her what a twat she is.

How thick do you have to be to not have heard that babies wake up a lot at night?

Laughable.

@OwlIsBeingAnOwl thank you, so it’s not just me that thinks she’s an imbecile. I mean, where on earth has she got that from?? Urgh I’m even more angry now I’m thinking about it. Just can’t get my head around it.

Let it go. Her time will come. And she probably jealous of you all with your lovely babies.

Let it go. I was probably quite judgemental too about lots of aspects of parenting before I became one.

Do you know why you didn’t feel you could say something?

I think I’d have laughed my head off and asked if he’s actually met more than one baby.

Why would it have been a fight? You have every right to respond to stupid things she says in a calm way and tell her she’s being daft. If your friendship doesn’t include honesty and your right to say what you think while she’s happy to talk crap then how close are you really?

If she’s bitching about other mums you can be sure she’s doing the same about you. I’d reduce how much you see her tbh and next time ask her to explain why she’s being a judgmental arsehole.

@coronafiona I really wish I had said something to her face now. It seems a bit late now though as it was a few days ago, also really can’t be bothered to pick a fight with her over text.
I honestly don’t know if it comes from a place of jealousy or if she just likes to think she knows it all (she’s always been a bit like that).

Why wouldn't you just challenge what she said in a mild tone? Or was it that this particularly hit a nerve?

My friends say stuff I don't agree with all the time - doesn't mean you can't say your experience/ opinion. I say some wanky shit sometimes, my friends tell me.

X post with the let it gos. I really wouldn’t because she’s being a dick.

@AnneLovesGilbert we aren’t as close as we used to be, and I don’t really know why I didn’t say anything. I think a mixture of being a bit in shock at what she said and also just not having the energy to go off on one. Yeah you’re right I could have just explained it to her rather than ‘argued’. I wish I had tbh. I don’t see her very much nowadays anyway, so i guess I wanted to just keep the peace and not spoil the day.

Seriously, let it go. We’ve all said things about motherhood for a stage we hadn’t yet reached and lived to eat those words. I say that as a mum to a twenty five year old DS who has always been an absolute joy.

@Peachesarepeach I know and in hindsight I could have just responded calmly as you say. But at the time it felt like fight or flight- lose my temper or just leave it. I can be hot headed.

If she had said something that also applied to me, so if my DS wasn’t currently sleeping through, I think I’d have lost my shit. But now I wish I’d still stood up for this other mom and her baby even though I have absolutely no idea who they are.

Time for that friendship to run its course.

I'm going to guess that you're in your late twenties? Maybe early thirties at the most? That is a time when some of our longer friendships can naturally change, evolve, or die.

@ThursdayWeld yep I’m 29, she’s a few months younger than me.
It’s been heading that way for a while now, but I’m getting less and less enthusiastic about having a friendship with her. Nothings really happened, apart from stupid things like this, we just don’t have much in common anymore and I’m starting to go off her personality (she’s become a lot meaner and blunter since she married a guy who is like that).

Well just think if she ever has her own she's in for a big shock. You can smirk and think "karma bitch tits"

I pay little attention to the opinions of the childless on children and parenting.

@Chelyanne the petty bitch in me hopes she has several children that never sleep 😂

I have a friend like this. I usually find a ‘wait until you have a baby and then we’ll have this conversation again’ kinda response usually works. I think when you have a baby your feelings towards some of your childless friends can change, I have a 6 month old and 2 of my best friends from pre-baby just seem like they’re living on a different planet to me sometimes!

Comments like this (making out you’re an expert on something you have zero first-hand knowledge of) usually come from a place of insecurity, so agree with those saying let it go.

I’m the least confrontational person ever, but I’d have been fine addressing a friend on something like this.

It doesn’t have to be aggressive or fighty.

I’d have just laughed and said, ‘sorry, I really couldn’t disagree with you more’, in a laughing tone. And then lightly explained why she’s completely wrong, or just said ‘let’s discuss when you’re dealing with a baby at night time yourself’.

Easily addressed in a non-confrontational way.

Some friendships are not meant to last forever, op. You've outgrown her.

Yep, let it go but keep it in the memory bank so you can have a good laugh when she has non sleeping kids. My Eldest was a fantastic sleeper from 8wks & I remember thinking to myself people just don't have a good routine like we do & that's why their babies don't sleep. Boy did I check myself when my next 2 came along. 😳

If you didn’t feel you could jokingly call her out on this I’d suggest you weren’t that close anyway.

Everyone is the perfect parent until they're actually a parent. It's annoying, but if she ever has a baby so can enjoy her sleepless nights coming back to bite her.

@Vodkaandballoon

Yep, let it go but keep it in the memory bank so you can have a good laugh when she has non sleeping kids. My Eldest was a fantastic sleeper from 8wks & I remember thinking to myself people just don't have a good routine like we do & that's why their babies don't sleep. Boy did I check myself when my next 2 came along. 😳

Same here. I remember thinking (pre-kids) that anyone whose baby didn't sleep well just needed to be strict and follow a routine. I might have even said something like that to a colleague and I cringe at the thought.

Fast forward to DD1 and she didn't properly sleep through until she was 4! Definitely karma. The Gina Ford books I had read religiously when pregnant quickly went in the bin.

That feels like a really aggressive reaction from what you’ve posted you were thinking. Is there a back story or did she hit a nerve? I can see why it may minority irritate but your reaction is extreme.

I thought a whole bunch of ridiculous things before I had DC. I soon learned. She just doesn't know yet what having a baby is actually like.