Pissed off at my friend for her judgmental comments!

[bleachblondemom]

I saw my life-long friend (call her F) at the weekend, and she said something that has really pissed me off. It wasn’t about me and my baby, it was about another woman she knows and her baby. Not sure how old the baby in question is, but basically F was telling me that the mom said her baby doesn’t sleep through the night and still wakes in the night. So F was basically like ‘I’m not even a mom and even I know that means her baby obviously isn’t getting enough to eat and isn’t a happy baby’.
I just muttered something like ‘it’s not as simple as that’ and just carried on playing with my son hoping the other person in the room (also not a mom) would change the subject. I didn’t want start an argument and embarrass her. But in my head I wanted to say, you are talking an absolute load of shit you judgemental bitch. And what do you mean even you KNOW this? Where the fuck have you learnt that? Spending a couple of days a week with your nephew and you think you know what it’s like to be a parent and actually take care of a baby? That’s not really how it fucking works. What an utterly stupid thing to say. Even if she had a child it would still be a ridiculous thing to say. I’m so cross with her.
F does stuff like this a lot, makes comments about things she knows absolutely nothing about. She’s quite judgmental. But this seriously takes the piss.
I think I just needed to get this off my chest so I can stop thinking about it.
She has been my friend literally since we were babies, I’ve known her all my life. We are growing apart a bit but I still don’t really want to pick a fight with her. But another part of me, who is a mom and wants to stand up for all other moms who have to put up with shit like this, really wants to tell her what a twat she is.

When she has her own children she will learn some humility

It’s nonsense to claim people with their own children won’t judge, though.

How much judgement is tossed around with breast and formula, vaginal and c sections, sleep training, smacking, you see it all the time!

I wouldn’t see this as a big deal, to be honest.

Babies do wake up due to hunger, but their tummies are only small so it’s to be expected!

@lavenderandwisteria I know that is one reason babies wake up, but it’s one out of so many reasons! F has absolutely no idea why this baby is waking up in the night, yet is going around saying that the mom isn’t feeding it enough and the baby clearly isn’t happy. And stating it as an absolute fact, saying she KNOWS that’s the reason. I’m sorry but it’s not on, it’s so rude and unkind. That’s what’s so bothersome about it, she literally thinks she knows this as a cold hard fact. Like she knows more than the babies own mother does.

[quote bleachblondemom]@lavenderandwisteria I know that is one reason babies wake up, but it’s one out of so many reasons! F has absolutely no idea why this baby is waking up in the night, yet is going around saying that the mom isn’t feeding it enough and the baby clearly isn’t happy. And stating it as an absolute fact, saying she KNOWS that’s the reason. I’m sorry but it’s not on, it’s so rude and unkind. That’s what’s so bothersome about it, she literally thinks she knows this as a cold hard fact. Like she knows more than the babies own mother does.[/quote]
And as if the baby's mother would withhold food from it

I mean, surely self-interest would deem that the mother would feed the baby more so she could get a good night's sleep, according to your friend's logic?

Time for this friendship to wither and die!

And as if the baby's mother would withhold food from it

Actually it’s not as simple as that when it comes to Breast feeding and weaning. Often parents can think thr baby is full but they aren’t. It’s like having a Chinese takeout. You think you’re full and two hours later you’re hungry again..,😃

I fully understand that this particular baby may well be waking in the night from hunger. But that’s no reason to shame the mother! My DS drinks a big bottle before bed, I give him every opportunity to eat as much as he wants, but if he’s full he’s full. I can’t force any more down him to make sure that he’s not hungry in the night. If he wakes up hungry again, that’s not his fault or mine.

I can get why this got under your skin. I think the whole business of a baby being fed sufficiently somehow feels very personal, even when we're talking solids and not milk. Somehow the idea of being accused of not feeding your baby enough is uniquely horrible (to me anyway). It would be like saying you're failing as a mother at literally the most basic and fundamental level.

Let it go. You can't argue with stupid.

As the saying goes, it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove any doubt, so let her get on with making herself look like an idiot. She's doing a good job.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity Exactly, That’s how it felt, and even though her comment wasn’t about me, it made me so angry to hear my friend shame someone because their baby doesn’t sleep through the night. Like it’s the mother’s fault and she is insufficient as a mother. And the fact that my friend said ‘even I know that’ just strengthens that point. Like she was saying ‘doesnt this woman realise what she’s doing wrong?’

@MustardRose yeah I know, it’s a shame but it’s true 😔

@Bluntness100

And as if the baby's mother would withhold food from it

Actually it’s not as simple as that when it comes to Breast feeding and weaning. Often parents can think thr baby is full but they aren’t. It’s like having a Chinese takeout. You think you’re full and two hours later you’re hungry again..,😃

Well I did breastfeed. And, as you say, a BF baby can be full, then two hours need to feed again. Not really sure what your point is in relation to the OP?

I’d just ignore her, she’ll find out soon enough if she has her own children

Ooft. If she'd said that to me I wouldn't have been as polite as you (my DC were sleep refusers for the first two years of their lives and I was on the verge of losing my mind!) But even if I was child free I wouldn't have believed something as stupid as that!! You're right to be annoyed OP!