Unhappy baby? I’m struggling!

[SMITH92]

Our DS was born with an infection, and was treated for jaundice and thrush too at birth. He developed umbilical hernia. However, he was a content and quiet little thing♥️
When he turned 1 month old, things changed, and I don’t mean generally of course, babies change, I mean drastically. He never stopped crying. He wouldn’t stop. We got the odd smile, but mainly he would just cry all the time
Just FYI, I combination feed him, so bottle and direct breast feeding when he will take it which is usually during the night. Not sure if this makes a difference
He’s now 4 months old. He still hates anything and everything. All the baby equipment you can imagine we have purchased. He doesn’t even like the sling, I’ve even walked round top half naked with the sling so he can have skin to skin. I bathe with him for comfort too. But the only time I get quiet is if I go walking and face him outward in a carrier so he can see out and be attached to me, but I’ve only just recently started doing this as he was too young before to do so. I can’t walk for more then 20 mins, so it’s short lived😩
I’ve been to the GP, who has tried prescription milk, and gaviscon. Nothing has worked. He got that bad once, I took him to hospital during the middle of the night, the paediatrician said it’s called the “4 month fussies” but he’s been like this since 4 weeks I explained. She just said you have a cranky baby. He has tears pouring down his face every time he cries, and it’s breaking my heart seeing him this way
No toys, no amount of baby massage, walking, singing, even sensory tv I’ve given into, nothing works. He is like in a permanent bad mood. I absolutely adore him, he is my little best friend, but I have to be honest and say I feel cheated of what I know motherhood can be like with a happier baby
He only naps for 15 minutes, 3 times, during the day, and that has to be laid on me. Which I don’t mind, I love the cuddles. But I physically can’t get anything done when he’s awake either. Ive tried housework with him in the carrier/sling but he cries, even managing to wash my face, brush my teeth is a challenge if I’m honest!
When he smiles, we get about a 5 minute block of happiness. Then it just randomly stops and he starts again
During the night he wakes every 1.5 hours. But the first block is about 3 hours. He goes to bed for 11 hours, in a cot beside me. I’m so exhausted, but I can get over that, I’m more sad that I can’t make my baby happy
Please tell me someone else has been in this situation? I can’t nip to a shop, I can’t go visit a friend, I can’t say let’s go for a nice walk in the park, I can’t take him anywhere without him screaming the place down. Even if I carry him. I am fortunate to have friends with babies all similar ages, however their babies are so content, they sit and play and gurgle away, whilst he screams and we can’t even have a conversation so I go home.
Any help appreciated♥️
It’s making me feel like I’m failing as a Mum. I know his Dad feels the same way

GP called today. His advice - drop the gaviscon and make the milk more watery then advised on the tin? so I think I’ll stick to trying to focus on the over-tiredness then water down the milk? What do you all think?!

I don't understand why making it more watery would help, surely that makes it easier to come up
Gaviscon was crap for us, didn't do a thing so I'd agree on that one.

No I wouldn't water down the milk. You changed teat and increased feed size today, so give that a couple of days and see how you go. Be careful not to change to much at once, or you fall into the trap I fell into and have no idea which thing actually helped!

That’s unusual advice, usually they say NEVER water down formula. Why did the GP think it would help??

I’ll reply in one thing, so basically his idea behind that is, because the gavsicon and milk have made his number 2s very firm and formed, to the point he’s straining, to water down the milk will help? But I’m certainly not feeling happy about doing so. I haven’t noticed one bit of change with the lactose free milk as it is. He hates drinking it too, he loves expressed breast milk, and loved his kendamil at the time. I’m wondering if this whole scenario is just super over tiredness!

What milk has the dr prescribed?
To me it sounds like he's comfort feeding because of silent reflux.

I think watering down formula can cause seizures.

A friend of mine had a baby like this and it all stopped when they started weaning. It was reflux.

Unfortunately a lot of GPs are really lacking in paediatric knowledge. FWIW I just checked with my DH who is a Physician Associate and works in a GP practice but has just moved from a job in paediatric A&E and he said definitely do NOT water down formula. Make another appt and speak to another GP. Until then continue making formula as the box advises.

Unfortunately there is a tendency though to medicalise every screamy baby and whilst I absolutely think you should consider that angle (we did) it's not always one that results in any helpful outcome (it didn't for us). Babies scream for all sorts of reasons, it doesn't always mean a medical condition so just bear that in mind too. If the Gaviscon isn't helping him I would stop that though, no point taking something that doesn't help and is constipating him (we found the same with our DD).

This sounds just like my son. He’s 8 months now and whilst he’s still a lot of work nothing can compare to how hard the first few months were. I kept working towards those milestone that everyone said they found they’re baby so much easier by... 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks. I know people talk about regressions but for my son there were no regressions because his sleep was always terrible and he was always unsettled.

We eventually came to the conclusion that it was silent reflux and he had gaviscon, omeprazole, cosleeping on a wedge hog, getting ripped off my the reflux baby lady, you name it. He was on omeprazole from 2-4 months but to be honest I’m not entirely sure that he had reflux. I’ll never really know what it was. I was at a complete loss. He was just so unsettled. I couldn’t do anything. Even now I look at mums who are out and about with their newborn, shopping with baby in carrier, say whilst their baby sleep in pram... I just did not have ANY of that, instead I was at my mum’s in the phone to the pediatrician and HV having a beak down.

A few things that did help me and maybe they might help your little one:

1. I realised that it took a lot to get my son to fall asleep and stay asleep. I could never just put him on the boob in front of the telly. Either it’s the buggy or I go to the bedroom and get on the rocking chair and close the blinds, white noise and feed and rock now he sleeps between 45-1.5 hours for naps. Before he was just like your little one and wouldn’t sleep for more than 10 minutes.

2. a jumperoo really helped - not sure if yours is old enough but if not they will be soon. I found that the unsettledenss and non stop crying sort of started to slowly but surly reduce when he kind of became present in the world and was interacting.

Good luck - and just remember - it HAS to get easier. Just get through each day. Invite a friend round, change things up! My son is now still a very sensitive high needs baby that’s for sure but thank god those endless months of nonstop crying and just generally really unsettled baby are over! I really feel for you, I don’t think anyone can truly understand how hard it is unless they’ve been through it! X

@SMITH92

I’ll reply in one thing, so basically his idea behind that is, because the gavsicon and milk have made his number 2s very firm and formed, to the point he’s straining, to water down the milk will help? But I’m certainly not feeling happy about doing so. I haven’t noticed one bit of change with the lactose free milk as it is. He hates drinking it too, he loves expressed breast milk, and loved his kendamil at the time. I’m wondering if this whole scenario is just super over tiredness!

Could you try dropping the gaviscon again? Gaviscon can cause constipation. Maybe if it was actually overtiredness rather than reflux it made things worse not better.

I knew I’d heard it was dangerous! It’s just ridiculous the information you can be given. If I had no experience with infants prior to him behind my first baby, it would be scary to think I wouldn’t have thought twice about following GP advice😩 x.

They prescribed him Enfamil O-Cal x

He is 4 months old today exactly and I’m wondering if to start 😢 x

Thank you for asking your husband! It’s really appreciated! I didn’t water it down, I’m just using it as instructed on the packaging.
I’d prefer not to go down the medicine route unless really needed, so the gavsicon has been dropped anyway. He seems so much happier on breast milk then the O-lac prescription milk! So trying to produce as much as I possibly can!
Fenugreek, Porridge, FlapJacks, even been given Domperidone from my GP.
x

Thank you so much!

I’m so so sorry you went through the same struggles. It really is one of those scenarios as you say where you don’t understand unless you’ve been through it ☹️

I’m glad to hear he’s through the worst, whatever was the cause! It can be really draining. Because you want to be able to fix them as their mummy, but your at a loss of what to do!

He’s 4 months old today, and I went to deliver his thank you card at the hospital. I had a little cry in the car on the way out. Seeing all the little newborns and the pregnant ladies, wishing that could be us again and try do things differently from the start for if I missed something 😭 and to get those tiny first 4 weeks of newborn days back before all this started!

Thank you for your message x

I’ve dropped it yes x

@SMITH92

GP called today. His advice - drop the gaviscon and make the milk more watery then advised on the tin? so I think I’ll stick to trying to focus on the over-tiredness then water down the milk? What do you all think?!

a pharmacist advised me to do this. I discussed with my midwife and she was furious. She rung them in front of me to give him a proper telling off. I don't think it's correct advice.

Sending hugs, just read this thread and wanted to say that it must be really hard but you sound like a wonderful caring mum and I hope some of the suggestions here will improve things for baby.

If reflux is an issue could you try carobel instead of gaviscon? Gaviscon made my DDs poo’s super hard but carobel has the same effect (thickening the milk to keep it down) but didnt cause the hard poo’s for us. You can buy it in pharmacies so could try it out before getting it on prescription. You will definately need faster teats though as it thickens the milk making it hard to come out of the bottle.

I can’t believe your GP told you to water down milk! That is such poor advice!

Enfamil olac still contains milk proteins, it also contains soya (the proteins are similar and its common for babies to react to soya alongside milk)
Everything you have said is the same way my little boy was, it took 5months until the health visitor would listen and referred us to a dietician. Because his weight was fine.
I also felt robbed of the first few months of him being a baby, it was just awful.

You need to ask for a fully dairy free milk or if possible exclusively breast feed but cut dairy from your diet (it can take a while for it to leave your system) you will likely notice a difference in him within a few days

So I thought I’d update the thread just a day short of a week on, for if anyone in the future reads this, who feels alone, or desperate, and needs any support or tips that may work! ♥️

So for the past week these are what I’ve tried, what has been successful and what hasn’t been. THIS IS PERSONAL TO US NOT MEDICAL ADVICE* -

•Gaviscon = For us, it made no difference, it just made DS very constipated, making the issues worse.

•Enfamil O-Lac = For us, it made no difference, so assuming he doesn’t have a lactose intolerance, otherwise it would. So he’s back on Kendamil Organic stage 1 for when he needs formula, and the rest of the time he’s breastfed, either direct or expressed.

•Moving up teat sizes = This personally didn’t work for us. My breast milk is quite thin, not sure if that’s normal for across the board for everyone, so the advice of the lactation consultant worked for us, that was to stay on stage 1 teats. We tried size 2 for 3 days and he was getting worse with feeds, as it was just flying out and he was choking each time on the milk.

•Increasing ounces of milk = I started increasing his milk, offering 6 ounces instead of 4-5. However even with the fast teats at the time, he just will not take more then 4.5 - 5 ounces, regardless of winding, waiting 10 or so minutes. So I’m just assuming he prefers this amount at the moment, and isn’t ready for more yet. He’s always been a poppet though. He was in premature clothes at birth, but not born early.

•Me cutting out dairy = It hasn’t done anything for us personally. Although I don’t have much in my diet to begin with.

•Huckleberry App = LIFESAVER 🙏🏼 9/10. Worth the subscription. It sounds daft, like an app telling you when your baby needs to sleep. But the “SweetSpot” timing, my gosh it works. Time flies so fast some days, and sometimes it drags when you’re listening to crying on your own 24-7. So having an app that tells you when the last feed / sleep / nappy etc, it helps keep a good structured routine too, along side the catching the nap at the exact moment. So DS was having naps 3 times a day, 15 mins. Absolutely exhausted, both of us. He now has 5 naps, and they are 45 mins roughly. Sometimes 30 mins. His bedtime has now improved. A lot less tears for the majority. I still hold him for 45 ish mins before I lay him in the cot, which I do not mind at all, I love the cuddles. Baby not overtired = baby more settled. Facts 100%!

•Forward facing baby carrier = BRILLIANT. 7.5/10. The reason I didn’t say 10/10 is because on those rainy days it’s useless really unless I carry a brolly the whole time myself. So the reason behind this recommendation is because DS hates his carrycot, and most baby equipment you can imagine. So by having this option of a carrier/looking out, body contact, he likes this. I can’t carry him for hours, like you could go for a longer walk with a pram. I’m sure someone without any muscular or joint problems may feel comfortable carrying for longer though. I’ll be using this until DS can go in the seat part of his pushchair at 6 months, and probably after that too because it’s a lovely way to have closeness with baby, and let’s face it, he may not like the pram seat anyway.

•Matchstick Monkey = GREAT. 7.5/10 best teething toy I’ve bought. He does get frustrated with it from time to time due to the positioning how he sometimes grabs hold of it. But he absolutely loves this and seem to be helping with the teeth/gums, and it keeps him distracted for a good 2-3 minutes. Which gives me time to brush my teeth / use the loo etc!

•Last but not least = do not be afraid to ask for help. Wether that’s a GP, Hospital, Family, Friend, post a thread on here, or even ring a helpline for a chat, don’t suffer alone. It may feel like this crying period will never end, but after speaking to so many lovely people on here, I know it will....

& Most importantly, if you believe something is wrong with your baby, speak up. It’s better to be wrong and safe, then potentially miss something medical. Having said that, please also consider to do your own research with things too. Such as I would never dilute my baby’s milk regardless of the advice from a GP, due to safety.

Try mctimoney chiropractic. It sounds like baby is definitely in pain. Lots of advice here on food but I would look at alignment. These guys are so well trained and experts in both newborns and pregnant and post partum physical support.

They are so gentle. My little one didn’t even know he was receiving a treatment ... and was immediately happier and more comfortable. Good luck OP. We’re here for you.