Unhappy baby? I’m struggling!

[SMITH92]

Our DS was born with an infection, and was treated for jaundice and thrush too at birth. He developed umbilical hernia. However, he was a content and quiet little thing♥️
When he turned 1 month old, things changed, and I don’t mean generally of course, babies change, I mean drastically. He never stopped crying. He wouldn’t stop. We got the odd smile, but mainly he would just cry all the time
Just FYI, I combination feed him, so bottle and direct breast feeding when he will take it which is usually during the night. Not sure if this makes a difference
He’s now 4 months old. He still hates anything and everything. All the baby equipment you can imagine we have purchased. He doesn’t even like the sling, I’ve even walked round top half naked with the sling so he can have skin to skin. I bathe with him for comfort too. But the only time I get quiet is if I go walking and face him outward in a carrier so he can see out and be attached to me, but I’ve only just recently started doing this as he was too young before to do so. I can’t walk for more then 20 mins, so it’s short lived😩
I’ve been to the GP, who has tried prescription milk, and gaviscon. Nothing has worked. He got that bad once, I took him to hospital during the middle of the night, the paediatrician said it’s called the “4 month fussies” but he’s been like this since 4 weeks I explained. She just said you have a cranky baby. He has tears pouring down his face every time he cries, and it’s breaking my heart seeing him this way
No toys, no amount of baby massage, walking, singing, even sensory tv I’ve given into, nothing works. He is like in a permanent bad mood. I absolutely adore him, he is my little best friend, but I have to be honest and say I feel cheated of what I know motherhood can be like with a happier baby
He only naps for 15 minutes, 3 times, during the day, and that has to be laid on me. Which I don’t mind, I love the cuddles. But I physically can’t get anything done when he’s awake either. Ive tried housework with him in the carrier/sling but he cries, even managing to wash my face, brush my teeth is a challenge if I’m honest!
When he smiles, we get about a 5 minute block of happiness. Then it just randomly stops and he starts again
During the night he wakes every 1.5 hours. But the first block is about 3 hours. He goes to bed for 11 hours, in a cot beside me. I’m so exhausted, but I can get over that, I’m more sad that I can’t make my baby happy
Please tell me someone else has been in this situation? I can’t nip to a shop, I can’t go visit a friend, I can’t say let’s go for a nice walk in the park, I can’t take him anywhere without him screaming the place down. Even if I carry him. I am fortunate to have friends with babies all similar ages, however their babies are so content, they sit and play and gurgle away, whilst he screams and we can’t even have a conversation so I go home.
Any help appreciated♥️
It’s making me feel like I’m failing as a Mum. I know his Dad feels the same way

Maybe he's hungry, hard to get them in the carrier when hungry as they are so close to you and want feeding.

Also could try your car seat on your pram base ( sometimes you need to buy some adapters) my first DC hating lying flat and would scream, didn't even attempt with second DC , just used the car seat.

Yes I think this sounds like silent reflux too. DD was exactly the same - crying all the time, only happy when being walked around and held upright, couldn't sleep, hated the pram etc etc. She also wanted her bottle all the time and would drink really fast (because the milk soothed her sore throat) but then would cry even harder because it of course made things even worse. She had silent reflux caused by a dairy allergy. No other symptoms. Once she was on CMP free milk and omeprazole she was like a different baby. Sympathy to you OP, it's so hard and when they say "all babies cry" it's just devastating. It ISN'T normal for a baby to cry so much, there IS a reason for it and you're doing the right thing by trying to figure out what.

Thank you that’s really kind x

I recently have made some 6 ounce bottles but he physically won’t drink it, he always stops at around 4.5 ounces, then will gag if I offer more 😩
His first nap is always smack bang 2 hours after his morning wake up, it’s almost guaranteed. Would you say that’s too long to wait ? x

Sorry might not have made it clear, he likes the carrier it’s the only thing he does enjoy. He hates the car seat, so our adapters have been a waste 😩. I use the carrier everywhere now x

Thank you so much. I’m so sorry to hear that you too had the same issues. I’ll mention it to the GP when he calls! ♥️

Could it be that by bottle feeding he is getting too much food for your breast supply to actually match? Therefore he’s hungry or not satisfied.
I didn’t think it was wise to switch between formula and breast feeding but I’m not an expert.
Wonder if you could still access a breastfeeding consultant to ask the question.

Also I had a friend who’s baby was always crying and breastfed exclusively turned out he had food allergies that were present in her breast milk she went dairy free and all was okay

We had a lactation consultant for 8 weeks who advised us, and saw us weekly at home, as I didn’t actually start direct breastfeeding until he was 6 weeks old. So had to teach us both what to do, it took a while. I was desperate to breastfeed and received no support so I rang my local team. So prior to that I had pumped every 2 hours a day, 24-7, until then when she helped us. So he had expressed breast milk via the bottle, and since birth, had formula too as top ups. My milk didn’t come in until day 3. It’s been a bit of a journey the whole thing to be honest. But he took to it so well, and breastfeeding is his favourite. X

Sorry I’ll add this I forgot * - I can pump out 4 ounces every 4 hours during the day, which is when he gets formula top ups. But during the night for whatever reason I can easily produce 4 ounces every 2 hours. So not sure why it’s such a difference!

What about burping him at 4 oz and then trying again with a bigger tear for another couple of ounces? Feeding him through a newborn test will make him suck very hard and he needs the bigger feed (and I would imagine it’s fairly rough when he’s bfing). He needs to learn to regulate his suck on his journey towards solids, and he probably need larger more satisfying feeds. Hold him up a little bit more with the faster bottle and expect him to take a bit of time to adjust to it. Burp him mid feed and then continue. Every baby feeds differently (I’ve had 5) and they change very fast especially in the early months.

My eldest was just like this. She pretty much screamed for her first year. Special reflux formula helped a bit. Weaning onto solids helped a bit more. But gradually just growing up she became happier, smilier and more amenable. I'm still not sure, 7 years later, what it was that bothered her so much in those early months. Maybe a dairy intolerance, definitely an intolerance to being a baby! Now she is 7 and a happy smiley child and I still am so so thankful every day - I remember thinking when she was a baby that she would never be happy. Sorry this really doesn't help you in the here and now, but it will get better. Sending strength now, I know how tough going it is having an unhappy baby!

My second baby was entirely different by the way, happy and easy from the off!

It could be silent reflux. I’d mention this to GP or health visitor. My baby has only recently started to have more content periods and he’s about to turn 6 months so you’re definitely not alone. What I’ve realized is that he was very overtired. Now 90 mins after he’s woke up I try to get him to sleep, 2 hrs is too long for him. The best thing to get him to sleep is the pram. He will cry for the first 5 mins or so but I walk really fast and he will drop off eventually. I don’t consider this CIO as I’m right there with him and he can see my face. Once the naps improved then so has his mood.

Just swapped onto the faster teats, and offering more milk. I’ll do this for 2-3 days and update the thread ♥️

Thank you ♥️ I’m so sorry you went through this with your eldest. My partner doesn’t want more babies after our DS, just through how difficult he is. But that’s breaking my heart more!

Brill thank you! I’ll set a timer of 1.5 hours every time he’s finished a nap, so he’s only awake for that long as see if I can get him off x

How tough for you @SMITH92. I have no experience of reflux but I do think your baby could benefit from more sleep. Although it's so hard if they resist sleep. I think two hours is too long to be awake, especially with such short naps. I would encourage more sleep if you can.

Is there anything you can do to get him to nap longer? Even if you have to lie down and stroke him for the entire nap!

He’s not getting anywhere near enough daytime sleep and that combined with the up and down all night, he must feel rough, like you do. I reckon if you could get him to sleep more you’d seen more see a much happier little man. Good luck.

Mine were a bit like this at 10-13 weeks, just uncontrollable screaming especially in the evening but fine once asleep for the night.

They were chronically overtired and I had to research wake windows and nap routines to sort them out. I had suspected allsorts; colic, silent reflux etc.
Getting them enough day sleep cured all of it within a week x

At that age mine were ready to sleep again at just 1hr15! Only now at 7 months are they awake 2hrs before the first nap xx

You're not alone. My first DS was like this. He just cried all the time for the first 6 months.

He was breastfed and I tried so many different things. I'm not sure what worked or whether he just grew out of what ever was bothering him.

I tried a chiropractor (similar to cranial osteopathy), renitidine, massage, white noise etc etc. Was also recommended probiotics but didn't actually try these.

Its only since having my 2nd DS I've realised I think a lot of the problem first time round was overtiredness. As DS2 naps for way longer, still wakes for feeds a lot but much better at being put down for naps. As soon as DS1 could roll he started sleeping on his front and slept so much better.

Just remember this is a phase and it will pass.

Has he been checked for tongue tie? Reflux is a symptom not a diagnosis.

Yes he’s been checked for tongue tie, all fine x

Thank you!
It just goes to show how different they can all be. I’m so glad that whatever it is he’s grown out of it x

Unfortunately not, I lay with him for all his naps. I’ve even tried getting him to sleep, then using the car seat, and I’ve driven for a good hour to try keep him asleep but to no avail. He literally just wakes up, bright eyes, and ready to start the crying ☹️ X

Someone has recommended huckleberry app so I’m going to try it! Thank you x