Unhappy baby? I’m struggling!

[SMITH92]

Our DS was born with an infection, and was treated for jaundice and thrush too at birth. He developed umbilical hernia. However, he was a content and quiet little thing♥️
When he turned 1 month old, things changed, and I don’t mean generally of course, babies change, I mean drastically. He never stopped crying. He wouldn’t stop. We got the odd smile, but mainly he would just cry all the time
Just FYI, I combination feed him, so bottle and direct breast feeding when he will take it which is usually during the night. Not sure if this makes a difference
He’s now 4 months old. He still hates anything and everything. All the baby equipment you can imagine we have purchased. He doesn’t even like the sling, I’ve even walked round top half naked with the sling so he can have skin to skin. I bathe with him for comfort too. But the only time I get quiet is if I go walking and face him outward in a carrier so he can see out and be attached to me, but I’ve only just recently started doing this as he was too young before to do so. I can’t walk for more then 20 mins, so it’s short lived😩
I’ve been to the GP, who has tried prescription milk, and gaviscon. Nothing has worked. He got that bad once, I took him to hospital during the middle of the night, the paediatrician said it’s called the “4 month fussies” but he’s been like this since 4 weeks I explained. She just said you have a cranky baby. He has tears pouring down his face every time he cries, and it’s breaking my heart seeing him this way
No toys, no amount of baby massage, walking, singing, even sensory tv I’ve given into, nothing works. He is like in a permanent bad mood. I absolutely adore him, he is my little best friend, but I have to be honest and say I feel cheated of what I know motherhood can be like with a happier baby
He only naps for 15 minutes, 3 times, during the day, and that has to be laid on me. Which I don’t mind, I love the cuddles. But I physically can’t get anything done when he’s awake either. Ive tried housework with him in the carrier/sling but he cries, even managing to wash my face, brush my teeth is a challenge if I’m honest!
When he smiles, we get about a 5 minute block of happiness. Then it just randomly stops and he starts again
During the night he wakes every 1.5 hours. But the first block is about 3 hours. He goes to bed for 11 hours, in a cot beside me. I’m so exhausted, but I can get over that, I’m more sad that I can’t make my baby happy
Please tell me someone else has been in this situation? I can’t nip to a shop, I can’t go visit a friend, I can’t say let’s go for a nice walk in the park, I can’t take him anywhere without him screaming the place down. Even if I carry him. I am fortunate to have friends with babies all similar ages, however their babies are so content, they sit and play and gurgle away, whilst he screams and we can’t even have a conversation so I go home.
Any help appreciated♥️
It’s making me feel like I’m failing as a Mum. I know his Dad feels the same way

See 1 GP said the exact same thing, “once you wean him you may have a brand new baby”. But then the other 2 was like “worst thing you can do!” So I’m so stuck! I’m so glad it helped you! I will mention it on Friday x

That sounds so tough OP What works for my baby is to head out early for the first nap, it makes the whole rest of the day go better sleep wise. I put him in a stretchy sling facing in rather than out (so less stimulation) and head out around 8/9 am for an hour or so. He does cry when I put him in the sling but soon falls asleep once we're outside. It might not work at all for your baby and I know you said you've already tried a sling but I just wanted to make the suggestion xx

Could be reflux, could be trapped wind actually.
I'd be tempted to try infacol

He likes the carrier not the sling so I could try gave him inward and head out, his first nap is roughly 9am so I’ll try to do that on Thursday, thank you! As I have a hospital appointment for myself tomorrow x

Tried infacol and gripe but when he was 2-3 months, I guess we could try again! x

Hmm, I'm not sure about sticking with the newborn teats. I thought that for mixed feeding too but my HV told me to do otherwise although I think that's when my DD's weight gain slowed. I think she was less frustrated feeding with the faster teat, we were mix feeding at that time too although she was younger than 4 months, more like 8 weeks. It's unusual for a 4 month old to still be on size 1 teats so I'd definitely consider going up a size at least.

My DD was a screamer too OP and you have my sympathies, luckily she would fall asleep in the baby carrier and the pram whilst in motion so me and DH did a LOT of walking! She was investigated for silent reflux but none of the meds made any difference and there was never any cause found for her screaming. It gradually improved the older she got but I must say at 3 she is still a very intense and spirited child who throws the most epic tantrums so I think some of it definitely is just her personality! I started enjoying her much more from one onwards and even better from the age of 2 as she could communicate well by then. I also found as a baby she screamed much less when we were out and about at baby groups etc so maybe some of it was boredom, and then she'd often nap on the way home because she'd be tired from the stimulation. So I would definitely try and get your baby out as much as possible you might find they are much happier put and about than at home. Again my DD is still like this now so again it is part of her personality that she likes to be out doing things all the time rather than stuck at home.

I seem to remember infacol taking a couple of days to work but having to give it at every feed ..can't quite remember so you'll need to check.
My boy had to be held upright for months and months. I think at 6 months it got better and I think this is down to the tummy valve becoming stronger so not letting fluid back up.
Rolled up blanket under cot Mattress to keep him at a tilt. Every growth spurt went downhill again I guess because the valve wasn't big or strong enough again.
Poor baby and poor you. It is sooo hard sometimes.

Loads of good advice on here - may also be worth looking for an osteopath who specialises in babies as they can sometimes pick up on things a conventional doctor may miss. With my first baby, who was a ventouse baby, the osteo noticed she tended to keep her head turned one way and struggled to feed one one side. It turned out she has the equivalent of a crick in her neck, because of the ventouse, and the osteo was able to remedy it.

If nothing else, an osteo session has sent all my babies nicely to sleep for a good hour

Thank you for your message!

I did try the next size up, as I had them in ready as it said “1 month plus” however, when I use them, I tried last week, he chokes. He has such a powerful suction. The guzzling caused swallowing of air so I reverted back to the first size newborn ones.

Hehe! I guess though, with a personality like that, you go far. You know what you want, how to aim for it. I’m starting to wonder if little man is just the same. I can’t say I’m not stubborn myself, and my partner is too!

Ooh I meant to say as well, my DD did struggle with daytime naps which made her overtired and was probably part of the issue too. I got the Huckleberry app when she was a few months old and that really honestly did help a lot with naps so worth a look if you haven't already.

I have noticed the worse days always result in him looking slightly bigger! Although he’s not massive, he’s still in 0-3, and was very small size wise when born. But did weigh 6lb 3oz, and is following his line lovely.

We have tilted the mattress too. Although at night he doesn’t scream during the early hours when he wakes up, he just mumbles and groans till I hear him and pick him up for his feed. It’s during the day he’s screaming!

x

Thank you! Going to Google to see if we have any in the local area! 🤞🏻

OP this sounds so so hard for you, I would really push this with your doctor there must be something causing it.

I BF both of mine and they both had a diary allergy, they were both up all night screaming until I cut dairy out of my diet.

It's absolutely nothing you are doing wrong, definitely something that's bothering him. I think keep going back to the doctors until you get the help you need.

Hope you get it sorted really soon, this sounds so tough.

I could have written this about my 8 week old! (I actually have a post kicking about from a few weeks ago).

My DS has silent reflux, so all the reflux symptoms, but not throwing up. He’s just started on omeperazole which has made a difference, although he’s still a cranky grumpy baby. A world away from my first who finds joy in everything and always smiling!

Sorry I'm just remembering stuff I used to use.
I had some baby app that came with different types of white noise. My boy preferred the hairdryer! So that could be something to try. Obviously not too loud, I worry about damage their hearing but honestly it worked so well for us.

Sounds like he must be massively over tired of only having 15 min naps

Oh gosh! Both with a dairy allergy! That must have been tough on you! Hugs!

I keep being told from the majority “you’re just anxious, it happens to first time mums, as you don’t know what to expect” but I’m not unknowledgeable around babies, my job was literally around infants 0-2. I’ll keep pushing.

Thank you. I’m so glad I made this post I feel so heard. I’ve felt so lonely recently

Will reply to the rest of the comments later, I need to get my head down now x

Definitely get checked for silent reflux .
Good luck and hang in there .. it’s tough but you sound a lovely caring mum .
You’ll get there.. hopefully sooner rather than later.

I would imagine he has to suck really hard to get the milk out of a new born teat. I would give him a chance to get used to the bigger size. He’ll eat more with less effort and less air once he’s used to it. Sucking hard through a newborn teat makes the milk come through with lots of tiny bubbles and he will get awful wind and take a smaller amount at each feed.

He sounds exhausted too only having 15 minute naps. When does he sleep? Is it similar times each day? You must be exhausted too not getting a break during naps.

have you tried colic infant drops x

Bless you OP, I know how you feel! My DD was exactly the same and I found 4 months especially difficult. She had awful reflux and was constantly overtired from her rubbish catnaps all day. Only time she was quiet was facing her outwards and walking around with her which was exhausting.

It does sound like a combination of silent reflux and overtiredness. I think if you tackle the reflux so he’s more comfortable, he’ll be able to get a bit more sleep and hopefully be less fussy.

It got better for my DD around 5.5/6 months so it does get better, I promise!

This brings back memories. DD is 10 months now and thankfully it feels like a distant memory already!!

I think her problem was wind, and colic massage did help. When she got to about five months I converted the pram to a pushchair and we could finally go for walks. She can still get a bit grumpy and want to be carried but she is so much better than she was. We can go out and do things now.

I have no specific advice to add, but am hoping things magically improve for you soon too! It's awful feeling like you can't do anything. I also contact napped with DD and now at 10 months she is growing out of it of her own accord.

Sounds really hard OP - poor little chap! Yes to speaking to GP to rule out things like silent reflux.

I'd try the bigger teats as PP have suggested. 4/5 ounces seems low for a 4mo old to me - 5.5mo DD has been on 6 X 8oz feeds for about 6 weeks now (she's massive though so probably has too much!). Milk has more cals than food at this stage (in terms of how much they'd consume) so I'd up the milk intake if you think he's hungry. On the overtiredness front I've noticed both of mine needed that first nap earlier than I thought they would, once you get that one right it seems like the other ones fall into place a bit more easily. And yes, I've made the same mistake twice!