19 month old self soothed and I feel terrible

[AhaShakeHeartbreak12]

DS is 19 months, spent 3.5 hours attempting to settle him (i rock him to sleep after a cup of milk and transfer him to his cot once he's asleep)

He's usually a 12 hour sleeper, but this past week has been relentless as he was poorly and he's going through a regression.

After 3.5 hours of screaming, him hitting, scratching and getting worked up I managed to calm him down and place him in his cot.

I came back into my room and had a huge cry.

Watched him on the monitor, he cried out quietly for one minute and then sat down. He lay down and fell asleep within 7 minutes.

It's not our normal routine but I felt myself getting upset, I'm 6 months pregnant and my back started to hurt from rocking and I didn't want to cry in front of him.

My mum thinks I've traumstised him. He's perfectly fine and asleep, I've checked on him. I feel horrible. I was at breaking point and had to cry.

I don't know why I'm posting, I think I'm just in such a state as I've never seen him self soothe before and I'm worried I've traumatised him now

Hes perfectly fine and asleep. You've checked on him. You're keeping watch and if he wakes again, you'll be there. And in the morning he will get tonnes of cuddles I suspect. Don't be so hard on yourself. One time of leaving him to settle down for five minutes isn't going to do him any harm.

Sounds like exactly what he needed tbh.

My mum thinks I've traumstised him.

Oh for fuck's sake, I've never read anything more ridiculous. It's amazing your mother actually had children and believes this. Your son is perfectly fine, and at his age learning to self soothe is very important. He cried for ONE minute. I assure you no trauma will result from that.

Similar age DS here. I've been spending hours in his room waiting for him to go to sleep as he would start crying if I tried to leave. One day this week, I needed the loo so said I was just going to leave and I'd be right back. He got cross but by the time I'd had a wee, he was lying back down chatting away to himself. A few minutes later, he rolled over and fell asleep. For the last couple of nights, I've just put him down, given him a kiss and left and he's been perfectly happy. I've actually been feeling pretty proud of myself!

Sounds like exactly what he needed tbh.

Yes, it sounds as if he was trying to tell you he just wanted to be in his cot. I'd try popping him straight in there tomorrow and seeing what happens. (Obviously you'd go back to him if he was really distressed.)

Self soothing is a valuable skill.

Self soothing is the goal though, isn't it? Agree with PP - it sounds like it was what he needed.

You won't be able to sit there rocking him for hours when you've got a newborn who also needs you. This could be the start of a new bedtime routine and if it is you deserve the rest before the new baby arrives. Ignore your mum.

I agree with previous posters it sounds like he was telling you to stop disturbing him and leave him be. There comes a point where you change the routine and work towards the end goal of self soothing. It sounds like he has reached this point which is fab as in 3 months you will have a newborn and won't be able to sit rocking him to sleep. He's happy, content and developing a little more independence. It sounds like you've done a great job.

Oh hon stop being silly and don't listen to your mum. This is exactly what he should be doing, he needs to start self soothing, you can't rock him to sleep forever. The very fact he murmured for one minute before settling himself down within a few minutes tells you he's fine. If there was a problem you'd know. I suspect if you hadn't left him he'd have been awake for much longer. Do yourself and him a favour and leave him to self settle tomorrow, he's ready xx

You followed your instincts rather than your guilt and it was the right decision. Your baby is and will be absolutely fine.

Is your mum always such a pain?! Ignore her completely!

He should be able to self sooth. Maybe not consistently, but he's at an age where you can safely work towards it with no need for any guilt whatsoever.

Thanks everyone, he slept through and I'm hoping it will help us make progress as these last few weeks have been a challenge and I literally hit breaking point

Completely horrible thing for your mum to say!

My ds is almost 19 months and I've been doing this to him for over a year 😬. I do his bedtime routine and he's perfectly happy, I pop him in the cot and he stands up and shouts/screams in protest for a few minutes, then gets down, goes straight to sleep and sleeps through until morning! He just won't settle if I'm there or try to soothe him, he needs to be left alone to the realisation that he's tired and wants to sleep. Wakes up with a big smile on his face and is a happy, confident little guy all day. Doesn't seem to traumatised to me!

I don't understand what your mother is saying tbh! He cried for 1 minute and was asleep in 7! Sounds like what he needed is to be left to go to sleep. My little girl gets annoyed if you try and help her to sleep on a night time. The odd time she cries for a minute through the night in her sleep and then she gets herself back to sleep. If I intervened she would get so frustrated and would have a melt down.
Having a little cry for a minute is nothing. It's when you leave them to cry for prolonged periods it can have negative affects. Take no notice of your mother!

When I reached the point with my son when I realised that sometimes me being there was actually keeping him awake rather than helping him sleep it was amazing. A lot of the sleep issues I had with my son just improved greatly.

At 19 months old he absolutely should be able to self settle.

To me it sounds like you had a brilliant night.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

@Aquamarine1029

My mum thinks I've traumstised him.

Oh for fuck's sake, I've never read anything more ridiculous. It's amazing your mother actually had children and believes this. Your son is perfectly fine, and at his age learning to self soothe is very important. He cried for ONE minute. I assure you no trauma will result from that.

This. Your mother is a fucking moron. I hope you don't listen to any more of her crap about raising children or you, and them, are screwed.

Traumatised how??
19 months is really too old to need rocking to sleep in your arms and I'm surprised you haven't got to this point already being pregnant!!
Does your mum live with you? How does she know what's happening at bed time and why does she think she needs to tell you her opinion?

Does your mum have form for criticising other things you do?

It's nothing like leaving a baby to CIO, it sounds like they were overtired and having a temper tantrum.

‘He cried quietly’

He was shattered and needed the sleep. You enabled him to have sleep.

I really hope you managed to get a good night sleep too.

Your son was not traumatised- he slept through. Win win for both of you.

At what age does she think you shouldn’t rock.

Stop sharing so much with your mum! She sounds toxic. Even if she thought that, she shouldn’t have shared it with you.

I stopped breastfeeding at 16months (with the feed to sleep the last thing to go), so by 19 months yes we would have just put her down in the cot with the rest of her bottle to finish and left her to go to sleep on her own. If they whinge for a few minutes it’s fine. They then sleep through the night.

It’s nothing like CIO with a tiny baby who can’t self regulate.

Jesus, the pressure put on mothers. Are we really expected to rock/cuddle to sleep at 19 months!? It sounds like your child is more than ready to start doing story/bottle and then go to sleep by themselves in the cot. If he stopped crying, and then a few minutes later went to sleep by himself, that’s a great sign.

My DS did the same around the same age. I realised I was actually making it worse, he just wanted to fall asleep on his own. Makes bedtime so much easier!

You definitely haven't traumatised him!

He is 19 months old not a tiny baby. You have another baby on the way. You need to help him learn to self soothe. No way I would be rocking him to sleep you need to be pragmatic and sort this before the new baby arrives. I'd say what happened was a success and something to repeat and not spent the 3.5 hrs before that event.