Upset about comments at bus stop

[calico88]

I was waiting for a bus with my 12 month old DD in her pram yesterday.

There were two older women at the bus stop (who didn't appear to know each other but got chatting) and one said very audibly to the other, "that poor baby, she must be so hot", "look at that baby, poor thing", while the other one nodded and agreed.

I pretended I hadn't heard but inside I was dying.

DD was dressed in leggings, a short-sleeved vest and a cardigan. She also had one of those sheepskin foot muffs covering the lower half of her body (from toes to hips).

Now, having thought about it I think those women were probably right - it was about 16C where I live (south east) and sunny with some cloud and windy. When the sun went behind the cloud there was a bit of a chill, which is why I used the foot muff.

So admittedly, on reflection it was probably too warm for the muff and a blanket would have been better, but I've been left feeling really anxious and tearful, like I'm a crap mum who's not looking after her "poor baby" properly. I'm now wondering how other strangers are judging me when I'm out and about with my baby and it's made me feel uncomfortable.

What I don't understand also is why those women felt the need to say that in a way they knew I could hear. They don't know (and probably don't care) that I'm a very anxious first time mother just trying to get things right and do the best I can (and probably failing most of the time, but like I say, I try to get things right).

I don't know why but I keep dwelling on this and have felt anxious and a bit "down" ever since.

They’re dickheads, that’s why. Was your baby crying and red? If not she wasn’t hot.

You ignored them, don’t worry about it. Or if that happens again, you could always say loudly. ‘I can hear you’. Would embarrass them a bit I’m sure.

Oh, and you feel down because they were being snidey. I remember his feeling when people would tut because my toddler was crying etc. But now I’m on the third child I’m oblivious.

No, she was perfectly happy. But perhaps a foot muff is too much in May. It is nearly summer after all!

I wish I'd said something now, I just felt so small at the time that I didn't have the nerve to speak up.

What upsets me as that they knew perfectly well that I was within hearing distance - they were only a few feet away from me.

Not a bad mum at all, I'm also in the south east. Yesterday I took my daughter out in a full on puddlesuit/coat assemble, it was hailing when we left. By the afternoon it was jeans and tshirt weather and the sun was blazing! I also still have my heating on which is unheard of in may! Pay no attention!

Some people are just mean and nasty. My 18 yr old DD was loudly called "disgusting" last week by two women just because she likes to dress alternatively. She was totally covered but they didn't like her outfit. She was really upset by it. I'm sorry you had that today.

Yeah they’re dickheads.
Im a second time mum and I’ve had DD in her fleecy foot muff and blanket this week.
The weather is more changeable at the minute than my moods before my period.

Tenner bet they’d be the type of person to make a shitty comment anyway.

Tell you mum guilt to bugger off, don’t let other people opinions of you affect your self worth in a negative way, they’re really, really not worth it.

Chin up lovely, snuggle that beautiful baby and have a glass of wine/cry/cup of tea x

Weather’s so changeable isn’t it. You did nothing wrong. God knows sometimes having a small child is a magnet for stupid comments

But perhaps a foot muff is too much in May. It is nearly summer after all!

You obviously don't live near me. The weather has been awful just lately. A foot muff wouldn't have been OTT round here just now.

@calico88

I was waiting for a bus with my 12 month old DD in her pram yesterday.

There were two older women at the bus stop (who didn't appear to know each other but got chatting) and one said very audibly to the other, "that poor baby, she must be so hot", "look at that baby, poor thing", while the other one nodded and agreed.

I pretended I hadn't heard but inside I was dying.

DD was dressed in leggings, a short-sleeved vest and a cardigan. She also had one of those sheepskin foot muffs covering the lower half of her body (from toes to hips).

Now, having thought about it I think those women were probably right - it was about 16C where I live (south east) and sunny with some cloud and windy. When the sun went behind the cloud there was a bit of a chill, which is why I used the foot muff.

So admittedly, on reflection it was probably too warm for the muff and a blanket would have been better, but I've been left feeling really anxious and tearful, like I'm a crap mum who's not looking after her "poor baby" properly. I'm now wondering how other strangers are judging me when I'm out and about with my baby and it's made me feel uncomfortable.

What I don't understand also is why those women felt the need to say that in a way they knew I could hear. They don't know (and probably don't care) that I'm a very anxious first time mother just trying to get things right and do the best I can (and probably failing most of the time, but like I say, I try to get things right).

I don't know why but I keep dwelling on this and have felt anxious and a bit "down" ever since.

Try to ignore it, I know it's hard when you're a first time mum and for some reason the older generation love to make comments. My Nan and mum would constantly tell me that I did stuff wrong. Stick to your gut, she's your baby your know what's best.

Wow they were fuckwits. Those type of people will make comments no matter what you do, if you'd had no foot muff they probably would have tutted about how your poor baby was cold. Next time tell them to fuck right off, your baby is fine. The fact that you're on hear worrying shows you are a good mum.

It’s colder for her because she is just sitting not moving. They don’t know shit, ignore them.

When you are sitting still in a pram it's far colder than walking around. Those women were probably warm from walking. Just ignore them.

FTM has nothing to do with it. It’s so easy for anyone to misjudge dressing LOs at the moment with the weather so changeable. And you didn’t even misjudge - your DD was comfortable!

People love to judge others' parenting. Ignore them, or if you fancy it, tell them to bugger off!

Ask yourself what they were trying to achieve with their comments. Nothing good I suspect. My friend had an older couple comment on how disappointing it was that her baby was the same gender as her other two. When you realise people are willing to say that to someone’s face, a comment that can have no positive angle to it, it makes you realise that some people make themselves feel better by bringing someone down. Just be thankful you get to move away and live your happy life with your baby and they’re left stuck with their miserable selves. If your baby had been unbearably hot, she would have been at the very least grizzly. Siting makes you a lot colder than standing & walking so I suspect she was just fine.

The miserable f*ckers, ignore them, as others said your baby isn’t walking around and getting warm, I remember a HV saying to me they need one more layer than yourself when this age in a pram, as a guide.

Mean! My toddler ran off once in the library gave me the slip while I was checking out a book. Worst 2 minutes of my life running round a library screaming her name like a loon. Two older ladies had her and brought her back but proceeded to bollock me and tut. Ok not my finest parenting moment but I have helped numerous other parents in similar circumstances and wouldn’t even occur to me to tell them off or criticise them🙄🙄. Horrible people.

Take no notice. They were rude. I remember people like that when my dc were little. Never when dh was with me strangely.

Some people just like to feel superior. A pair of women once muttered that I was 'disgusting' and 'teens have no respect' because I sat at the front of a bus with a massive suitcase. There were plenty of seats free and I moved when someone disabled got on.

And I was 25, not a teenager. They just like to judge people.

@calico88

I was waiting for a bus with my 12 month old DD in her pram yesterday.

There were two older women at the bus stop (who didn't appear to know each other but got chatting) and one said very audibly to the other, "that poor baby, she must be so hot", "look at that baby, poor thing", while the other one nodded and agreed.

I pretended I hadn't heard but inside I was dying.

DD was dressed in leggings, a short-sleeved vest and a cardigan. She also had one of those sheepskin foot muffs covering the lower half of her body (from toes to hips).

Now, having thought about it I think those women were probably right - it was about 16C where I live (south east) and sunny with some cloud and windy. When the sun went behind the cloud there was a bit of a chill, which is why I used the foot muff.

So admittedly, on reflection it was probably too warm for the muff and a blanket would have been better, but I've been left feeling really anxious and tearful, like I'm a crap mum who's not looking after her "poor baby" properly. I'm now wondering how other strangers are judging me when I'm out and about with my baby and it's made me feel uncomfortable.

What I don't understand also is why those women felt the need to say that in a way they knew I could hear. They don't know (and probably don't care) that I'm a very anxious first time mother just trying to get things right and do the best I can (and probably failing most of the time, but like I say, I try to get things right).

I don't know why but I keep dwelling on this and have felt anxious and a bit "down" ever since.

Why are you letting comments from nobodies bother you, you're never likely to see them again

The weather has been so changeable recently. Just when I think it’s warm and I take sheepskin footmuff off for a day, it’s freezing and windy the next day. I would just go by actual weather, not the month of the year.

Guarantee you that if you hadn’t got the fleecy cover on, they would have loudly tutted: “poor baby, she must be freezing!”

They just want to be poisonous. Don’t let it in, it’s their problem.

i'm sorry you had that experience that made you feel so upset.
the women may not have been trying to be horrible, or put you down.
they may have been genuinely concerned for your baby, whether that was necessary or not. they may have been mistaken but well-meaning.
how about, if it happens again, or similar, try to engage with them.
do you think she's too hot ? there is quite a cool wind, and sitting still in the pram, didn't want her to feel chilly.
try to keep calm and matter of fact.
they may have done it the wrong way and i'm sorry it upset you, but i have also heard of a case, where a stranger at a bus stop started talking to a mother with a one year old. looking at the child and a few question led her to tell the mother to go at once to hospital, where his life was saved, just in time. he had menningitis and septicaemia.
now i'm not suggesting your child was ill or even ill at ease, nor that you don't know how to dress her appropriately, but let's not all always assume the worst motives in others.
i once saw a posh mother with under one year old at bus stop. she was giving the child some small smooth pebbles to amuse her. i was alarmed, said don't you think she might put those in her mouth. she said no of course not, she wouldn't do that. nothing more i could do.

They were unbelievably rude. Don’t give them another thought - their shitty comments say everything about them, and nothing about you