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Parenting

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Original poster

Upset about comments at bus stop

67 replies

calico88 · 12/05/2021 17:36

I was waiting for a bus with my 12 month old DD in her pram yesterday.

There were two older women at the bus stop (who didn't appear to know each other but got chatting) and one said very audibly to the other, "that poor baby, she must be so hot", "look at that baby, poor thing", while the other one nodded and agreed.

I pretended I hadn't heard but inside I was dying.

DD was dressed in leggings, a short-sleeved vest and a cardigan. She also had one of those sheepskin foot muffs covering the lower half of her body (from toes to hips).

Now, having thought about it I think those women were probably right - it was about 16C where I live (south east) and sunny with some cloud and windy. When the sun went behind the cloud there was a bit of a chill, which is why I used the foot muff.

So admittedly, on reflection it was probably too warm for the muff and a blanket would have been better, but I've been left feeling really anxious and tearful, like I'm a crap mum who's not looking after her "poor baby" properly. I'm now wondering how other strangers are judging me when I'm out and about with my baby and it's made me feel uncomfortable.

What I don't understand also is why those women felt the need to say that in a way they knew I could hear. They don't know (and probably don't care) that I'm a very anxious first time mother just trying to get things right and do the best I can (and probably failing most of the time, but like I say, I try to get things right).

I don't know why but I keep dwelling on this and have felt anxious and a bit "down" ever since.

OP posts:

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annacondom · 12/05/2021 20:41

Yep, some people feel compelled to comment on others' parenting. Don't let their comments get to you. You know your baby and you sound like a lovely mum. Have confidence in yourself!

liquoricecravings · 12/05/2021 21:18

I'm in the south east too and the weather is so unpredictable at the moment. Yesterday was sunny but still cold in the wind. My 7 month dd wore leggings and a long sleeved top with a knitted jacket (the type that's not a coat but not a cardigan) and she had her fleecy foot muff in her pushchair too. She can't move and I know I'd be cold if I was sitting outside not moving at the moment. May has been cold so far!

Try not to let these women get to you. They think they can have criticise and it's unpleasant and uncalled for. You're doing a great job and sound like a lovely mum

MariLwyd · 12/05/2021 21:24

Sheepskin is actually great for helping babies regulate their body temperature so unless it’s properly hot they shouldn’t overheat in a sheepskin footmuff! Something to do with the airflow through the wool

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Happymum12345 · 12/05/2021 21:27

Some old people are just jealous and nasty. Exactly like they would have been when they were younger. You get people of all ages being horrible, it just seems so much worse when it’s someone older with more life experience and are still bitter and twisted. My mil told me when she reached 70 she was not going to care what anyone thought about her and say and do what she wants. She’s stuck to her word and is a deeply unpleasant woman. Why can’t people just be kind?!

Hotcuppatea · 12/05/2021 21:30

I wish I'd been there to tell them to keep their bloody traps shut on your behalf. I can't stand busybodies like that.

Suzi888 · 12/05/2021 21:42

It’s terrible weather for May, quite chilly here and pouring with rain. You can always remove layers, but if you don’t have them you can’t put them on.

TedHastingsweeDonkey · 12/05/2021 21:43

Don't worry about it! About 95% of people (mostly strangers) seem to know much much better what's best for YOUR child. It's a fact of life, don't take it too much to heart. I get it's a bit scary when it happens for the first time but rest assured, it gets easier and you develop a thick skin and start to have a few very handy come backs up your sleeve as time goes on. I used to get comments about baby not having shoes on. I mean the pram type shoes, we did indeed buy him appropriate footwear as soon as he could walk outside 🤣

roarfeckingroarr · 12/05/2021 21:48

Ah OP some people are dicks. If it makes you feel any better, 7 month old DS was in a long sleeved top, leggings and a cardigan with a thin blanket today in London.

queenofthenorthwest · 12/05/2021 22:07

Rude bitches

I would of talked to my baby girl n the same vein.

"Yes baby some people are rude, dragged up you see etc etc"

Mwnci123 · 12/05/2021 23:07

We've all had these shitty comments from strangers. It hurts because you love your baby so much.

Also I want a sheepskin foot muff in middle aged woman size.

Original poster

calico88 · 12/05/2021 23:14

Thank you all for the kind responses, you’ve made my day!

I just wish I’d had the guts to say something back, but to be honest, I’ve never been good at witty one liners or thinking on my feet.

OP posts:

lydia2021 · 12/05/2021 23:36

If I saw you and baby.. I would think what a sensible loving mother... kid wrapped up well in May weather of sunny but windy day. The weather lately isnt yet summer. Ignore catty people. There are subject experts everywhere

Goldenrainbow12 · 13/05/2021 18:43

For some reason some older women love to make this kind of comment, with no awareness of the potential impact on a mum trying her best. My personal favourite is the 'maybe he's hungry' comment every time my little one cries when out and about. Sometimes I want to scream babies do cry for other reasons you know... but it's not worth the breath.

Easier said than done but try to take no notice.

SomeCatsLikeCheese · 13/05/2021 20:22

If it makes you feel better, I’m a second time mum and we’re still using the foot muff. It’s freezing here for May!

Oceans123 · 13/05/2021 20:25

It hailed at the start of this week! It’s not usual May weather. I still have our winter footmuff on as it’s been freezing. Ignore them if DD was happy then she wasn’t too hot

Cipot · 13/05/2021 20:32

My dm is randomly rude to strangers, I think it's the start of dementia. She's particularly attracted to small DC. So I wouldn't take their comments too seriously. Babies let you know if they are not comfortable and as a main carer I think you have a sixth sense for things like this. Smile and ignore.

Mrsbclinton · 13/05/2021 20:39

I remember sitting in a very crowded doctor’s waiting room with my Dd when she was only a few weeks old.

She started crying & two older women sitting opposite me started saying to each other shes too hot, thats why she’s crying, tutting etc.

12 years later I can still remember how shit I felt at that moment. I felt like the whole room was sitting judging me.

Its tough being a first time mum, try not let those women get to you. You sound like a very caring mother, making sure your little girl was nice and cosy x

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