Upset about comments at bus stop

[calico88]

I was waiting for a bus with my 12 month old DD in her pram yesterday.

There were two older women at the bus stop (who didn't appear to know each other but got chatting) and one said very audibly to the other, "that poor baby, she must be so hot", "look at that baby, poor thing", while the other one nodded and agreed.

I pretended I hadn't heard but inside I was dying.

DD was dressed in leggings, a short-sleeved vest and a cardigan. She also had one of those sheepskin foot muffs covering the lower half of her body (from toes to hips).

Now, having thought about it I think those women were probably right - it was about 16C where I live (south east) and sunny with some cloud and windy. When the sun went behind the cloud there was a bit of a chill, which is why I used the foot muff.

So admittedly, on reflection it was probably too warm for the muff and a blanket would have been better, but I've been left feeling really anxious and tearful, like I'm a crap mum who's not looking after her "poor baby" properly. I'm now wondering how other strangers are judging me when I'm out and about with my baby and it's made me feel uncomfortable.

What I don't understand also is why those women felt the need to say that in a way they knew I could hear. They don't know (and probably don't care) that I'm a very anxious first time mother just trying to get things right and do the best I can (and probably failing most of the time, but like I say, I try to get things right).

I don't know why but I keep dwelling on this and have felt anxious and a bit "down" ever since.

How rude and passive aggressive of them to talk about your baby in front of you like that and not just say something politely to you if they were genuinely concerned. I doubt the baby was too hot, I've been wearing ear muffs as there is still a chill in the air even in the south of England. The weather is hugely changeable at the moment and when you are still you get cold more easily.

@alexdgr8 - in both examples you mention, the mother was directly spoken to not muttered about behind her back.

What do they know about current guidance on how to keep a baby warm?! I'm still using my footmuff on the pram, plus hat and blanket on DD sometimes. It's May in the UK, it's still cold!!

Some people are just horrid no matter what. You are doing just fine!

I would also think it would be nice if we could boost OP’s morale without being ageist....

I’d be wondering why she wasn’t wearing a jacket actually.
But then I live in Scotland....

Nosy busybody old women are terrible for this - I’m really sorry you had to go through it but welcome to parenthood! The bottom line is they were very unkind and should bloody well know better at their age.

Don’t get upset, just focus on your baby and her needs. You are a good mum doing the best you can, so don’t let silly strangers stop you from trusting your own judgment and instincts as a mum.

Also layers are the best for this bizarre changeable weather we’ve been having. Thin waterproof jackets, fleeces, cardis. It’s so hard to get it right when it’s hailing one minute and bright hot sun the next!

(((HUG))).

I'm sorry it left you feeling so crap

If you hadn't had the footmuff on they'd have said she looked cold.

I'm in the SE too - the weather is massively changeable, best be prepared.

If DD was uncomfortably hot, she'd have let you know!! She's not a tiny baby anymore!

You've had a very weird time this past year, hardly seeing strangers, if you hadn't, you'd be used to this kind of thing by now!!

Depending on my mood & how old they were
I'd have said

• take her bloody temperature if you're that worried, but trust me, you'd know if she was uncomfortable.

• I'm right next to you & i'm not dead!
• Call Social Services if you think there's an issue here.

• Do shut up & mind your own business

• if they were actually old (not just older to your very young self!🤣) I'd have been kinder and asked why they thought she was too hot, when she was showing no sign of it?

But you need to back yourself!! You've managed to keep her safe & well fir a whole year!! 🍰💐

I was sitting in an outdoor cafe with my DD who must have been about 6 and a woman at a nearby table had a very small baby in her arms. DD said "tights!" and the woman turned round all flustered and started explaining to me that it was cold when she left home... She didn't seem to realise it was a child commenting on a babies outfit and not her middle-aged mother.

OP they sound like nasty judgemental people who sadly have nothing more going on in their lives so amuse themselves belittling others. Don't give them another thought.

For what it's worth I live in the 'warmest' place in Britain and the last 2 days have been wet and damp and nasty, I'd have loved a foot muff at my desk! I bet your DC was lovely and cosy, and as PPs have said she'd have been upset, sweaty and red if she were really too hot x

miserable witches. Same ones would have complained if they thought the baby was too cold.

“19:15 MonkeyPuddle

I would also think it would be nice if we could boost OP’s morale without being ageist....”

I do apologise if I have offended as my comment was rather ageist. It is however my personal experience that it is often middle aged and elderly women who express unwanted opinions/have been rude about my parenting. I’ve never been “shamed” like this by a fellow mum my age. Do they think the can say what they like to me because I’m so much younger and I should just take it lying down? I don’t think so.

I used to get a lots of comments because DD was born prem and small. They'd always pair their comment with how their baby was at the same age (usually doing better than my one). It was rude and unhelpful. My daughter fought hard to stay alive when she was born. But to them it was a competition. Everyone is a frigging expert. You do you. You are doing brilliantly. Ignore them.

A foot muff wouldn't be too hot in my opinion. When you're not walking around you get cold even in spring and sometimes summer. I've done it loads of times, walk through the park and I feel all warm and then sit down and get chilly. Try not to dwell on what they said. Know that you are doing the best for your DD at that moment. If you're worried just check how hot/cold she is more often, then you'll know she's absolutely fine and comfy.

Typical muddy puddle reporting says it all really the comments made would only come from older ladies who love to make others feel miserable cause there not happy just bullies and they have the confidence to insult that mother they know full well what they doing.

They were really rude.
Two women were walking close behind me and started to audibly chat to each other about me keeping my phone in the back pocket of my jeans... apparently not the done thing according to them. I turned around and asked them why they were staring so intently at my arse. They looked pretty sheepish about that.
People who talk like that - two people audibly making critical comments about someone else who can blatantly hear, and is usually alone - don’t expect to be called out on it, and I guess aren’t most of the time.
Sorry you felt bad OP. I’m sure you’re baby was just fine, if my DS had been uncomfortably hot at 12 months old he would have made it known.

@Vursayles you didn’t offend me. I’m not saying you should take any shaming directed at you, not at all.

But I don’t think that using ageist language is helpful or appropriate.

Arseholes be arseholes no matter their age.

@Erinaz I’ve not reported anything.

@calico88 ignore. It may be nearly summer and the middle of May but I live in the SW and right now it's piddling down and eight degrees and VERY cold in the wind. I don't even think what you've described clothing wise is that much and I am one for going the other way! You're doing fine. X

Ignore, firstly the weather is super chargeable. I went from my winter coat to a t-shirt to back to my winter coat yesterday in the space of an hour.

Also these women sound like the people who make themselves feel big by making someone else feel small. If you had no foot muff and just a blanket they would make a nasty comment. Sadly you were just the target of their horrible personality.

Similar area to you and dressed my baby in a similar get up. They’re the ones with the problem, not you

They're idiots, ignore them.

When DS was about 9months old I was sat in a pub with him and DH, DS was eating his roast veg (which he loved btw) and DH and I shared a dessert.

The people behind us couldn't stop talking about how sorry they felt for him. Not joking, like they really thought he was being mistreated. I really wanted to ping out that babies aren't meant to have sugar but I don't think they would have appreciated it.

Long story short, people are dickheads.

Being dicks.

Sadly they might also pop up when:

Your baby might be cold
Your baby is making a mess eating by themself
Your baby is being fed rather than eating by themself
Your baby is in a buggy rather than walking
Your baby has to walk
Your baby is in the sling
Your baby is on reins
Your baby is not on reins
Your baby is being breastfed
Your baby is being bottle fed
Your baby is in disposables
Your baby is using cloth nappies and you have to cart dirty nappies around
Your baby is toilet trained and needs to go
Your baby is not toilet trained yet
Your baby is being ignored
Your baby is being spoiled

It's a pain

Well, if your baby was hot she would have cried. It is not that you were trying to make her feel hot if anything you were protecting her from the unpredictable weather we have in the UK. How rude for them to do that.

Pay little attention to what other people said or you will not cope by the time your child is at school. The bitching at the school gates can drive anybody crazy. People feels the need to make opinions about everything. You know you do your best and your baby is happy.

My baby is dressed almost identically to yours when out in the pram (down to the footmuff). Where I am it was hailing today - she would have got a coat as well!

If they were genuinely concerned, they would have said something to your face. Muttering remarks to each other, knowing you can hear them is just nasty and unpleasant. Don't let it get to you.