7yo Son won’t go after the ball or tackle at football

[Folicky]

7yo son is in a football training session with 3 other children from his class. But even when he was the closest person to the ball, he doesn’t go for it. We waits for someone else (from either team) to come and get the ball and then chases after then. He’s exhausted at the end and his little school friends are becoming more distant. He does this with other contact sports. Although fights very robustly with older male cousins, etc

One thing he says is he’s worried that he’ll miss the ball, but I’m not totally buying that. We live near a football pitch and went there during lockdown and he’d rather be in goal having me shoot goals at him than the other way around. What it looks like is: he’s afraid another player will be angry with him if he gets the ball and they want it , so avoids going for the ball... takes himself out of all of this by going into goal.

I’m worried this will affect his friendships and his self esteem.

Anyone else have a son like this? What type of things helped? How did it turn out?

My seven year old has never played football. His friendships are just fine. His 12 year old brother is the same - lots of his mates live football, lots don’t. It’s all fine.

He doesn't like contact sports. So let him do an activity he enjoys instead.

Is he doing it to please you? If so he might start to get self esteem issues if he's not great at it/ doesn't enjoy it. Sounds like he'd be good at judo if he's roughing it with his cousins, would be be up for trying that instead?

@Folicky

7yo son is in a football training session with 3 other children from his class. But even when he was the closest person to the ball, he doesn’t go for it. We waits for someone else (from either team) to come and get the ball and then chases after then. He’s exhausted at the end and his little school friends are becoming more distant. He does this with other contact sports. Although fights very robustly with older male cousins, etc

One thing he says is he’s worried that he’ll miss the ball, but I’m not totally buying that. We live near a football pitch and went there during lockdown and he’d rather be in goal having me shoot goals at him than the other way around. What it looks like is: he’s afraid another player will be angry with him if he gets the ball and they want it , so avoids going for the ball... takes himself out of all of this by going into goal.

I’m worried this will affect his friendships and his self esteem.

Anyone else have a son like this? What type of things helped? How did it turn out?

Doesn't sound like football or rugby is his jam! That's fine, work with him to find something he does like. Nothing worse for a kid's self esteem than feeling forced into an activity your parents want you to do that you hate, and aren't good at.

Mine was exactly the same. He just wasn’t “pushy” enough to really want to get the ball over other people (apart from his brother, but I don’t think that’s quite the same!) But he loves playing sport so we got him playing tennis and cricket - cricket in particular has the team sport thing without the direct contact element.

Why on earth do you think he’s going to be disliked and have no friends just because he won’t tackle people at football?? I can see the problem straight away. There’s so much pressure from you to perform that he’s scared of trying incase he messes up! This clearly isn’t the sport for him.

not all children like contact sports.
one of mine hates football (too agressive) but loves tag rugby (the no contact makes it fun).

park run/c25k is great. fencing. gymnastics. tennis. hockey.

find an activity he likes, maybe do trial terms in some.

He's been to Taekwondo too and there were games at the end of that and he'd always let the other children win and then was a bit embarrassed about that.

I would really like some advice from people about how to help with their fearfulness of contact, is it about understanding the game better, does anything help with that?

I'm not going to force him to go and have cancelled the kit order this morning.

My son plays football and I see this with one of his friends. He claims to enjoy it but always insists on being the goalie, and shys away from tackling anyone. His Dad plays football and is keen for his son to do well, but I dont think the boy likes playing, he just thinks he should because of his Dad and because many of his friemds do. He's not really the sporty type, and that is fine.

My son is really sporty, he's tried a variety of activities, some are for him, some are not. If he doesnt enjoy something then we dont pressure him to continue, why would we if he doesnt really enjoy it?

Let your son be himself, don't try to force him to do something he doesn't seem to enjoy.

Maybe he doesn’t like contact sports. Try something else - gymnastics?

Are you complaining he's not masculine enough? This is such a weird thread

If he actively dislikes football, I agree with others that it isn't worth pushing too hard. However, I disagree that what you have described necessarily means that football isn't for him. It's very common at that age. Some kids will work out that contact sport may not be for them and move on, while others will grow in confidence and gradually get more stuck in. As long as he's enjoying it (even in goals) I'd keep it up.

We started ds in football cos all the kids did. He was about 5 or 6. He used to drift round, avoiding the ball. He enjoyed it though. Then the coach started picking kids for a team for matches. All ds' mates from his class were in it. He was not. They were 6,ffs. I thought it was meant to be just for fun, but apparently not. It put him off football completely. He's not allowed to kick a ball around at lunch, cos the kids who do that are all in various local teams and won't let the non team kids play, as they're not good enough.

I do worry that it'll make life difficult in high school, as the kids who play football tend to have an easier ride, but we'll see.

Fearfulness of contact? Maybe he just doesn’t like anyone in his personal space. Maybe ask him what he enjoys doing and let him do that?
My son has never been interested on football or any other team sports. He is fit, happy and well adjusted.

Weird Thread 🧐

If you shoot at him and he prefers that could he be a goalkeeper? Or he if likes football but not the physical contact he could do referee training?

If he's not that interested in football try something else, my male school friends weren't into football. From the top of my head some played basketball ball, some went skateboarding/roller blading, others martial arts.

@Folicky

He's been to Taekwondo too and there were games at the end of that and he'd always let the other children win and then was a bit embarrassed about that.

I would really like some advice from people about how to help with their fearfulness of contact, is it about understanding the game better, does anything help with that?

I'm not going to force him to go and have cancelled the kit order this morning.

Was he embarrassed or were you embarrassed?

If he doesn't like contact sport, he doesn't like contact sport. Why are you so invested in seeing him 'toughen up'? Sounds like you've got an agenda

Does he even want to play football? Maybe there is something else he would enjoy more.

It just sounds like contact sports aren't his thing? Try him with something else.

moth

We started ds in football cos all the kids did. He was about 5 or 6. He used to drift round, avoiding the ball.

I guess if you're picking a team you need someone who will kick the ball rather than avoid it? At that age it's 5-aside so to have one player drifting around would affect the rest of the team!

I agree with other sports. 7 is very young.
He will find his own interests and hobbies in time.

@Folicky

He's been to Taekwondo too and there were games at the end of that and he'd always let the other children win and then was a bit embarrassed about that.

I would really like some advice from people about how to help with their fearfulness of contact, is it about understanding the game better, does anything help with that?

I'm not going to force him to go and have cancelled the kit order this morning.

Yes I have a two suggestions for a child who doesn’t want to play contact sport.

1. Try some non contact sports - you have many suggestions above.
2. Try some non sport hobbies.

Neither of my sons play contact sports. It’s not compulsory here in the UK ( don’t know where you live @Folicky).

Agree with other posters here. So long as he is being active in some other way.

This is quite a weird thread. I have 3 sons. none of them like football. All of them tried it, none liked it. They DO like cycling, running, surfing, skiing, sailing, and cricket. You just have to find what they DO like.

I feel like you have some idea that because he has a penis he has to love contact sports. It's odd!!?

Just don't sign him up for contact sports, he doesn't like them!

Contact 'team' sports aren't for those who don't like being thumped or jeered at. Plenty of other archive options.

Ask him what he would like to do.