My baby is 2 WO and I hate being a mum

[anonmum1921]

I'm not sure if I've posted in the correct place but I've just had my baby (13 days ago) and I absolutely hate being a mum.

I haven't felt any bond or love for him. I just see him as a job that I really don't want.

I feel like I've made such a huge mistake having a baby and there is nothing I or anyone can do to change it.

I've been told it will get easier, but the truth is I don't actually find it that hard. He is a good baby but I just don't want to look after him. I feel like I would feel better if I had a bond or felt the love towards him, but I don't. I just feel responsible for him and I just want someone else to take over for me.

I feel like such a terrible person and I'm just confused as I always wanted a baby. If I knew it would be like this I never would have had a child. I feel utterly hopeless and guilty for bringing him into this world to a mother who does not want him or love him.

Did anyone else feel this way? When will things get better? I feel so desperate and am grieving the loss of my old life and all of the things I never appreciated before.

Just to confirm, he is safe and healthy. I keep him fed, clean and safe. I would never hurt him or leave him when he needs something.

I'm not sure what I hope to gain from this post. Maybe just to hear that someone else felt this way and got better? Other than that I feel like there is no hope for me and my life will always be like this. Please help :(

I'm sorry you're feeling worse today Op. When will you get results from your assessment yesterday? I understand you don't feel like being proactive but could you phone your health visitor as Bancha advises? If you're very low, then your partner could make enquiries. You deserve some help here. Ask for it from everybody and accept any support you are offered.

You must start viewing how you're feeling as an illness. None of this is your fault, or your baby's fault. It's an unfortunate illness that many mothers suffer from after giving birth. You may be up and down, you might feel worse on some days.

I know you tried anti depressants before and thought they didn't help but they are a valid treatment for pnd so don't rule them out. You have not failed in anyway here.

Thinking of you and sending you a massive hug. X

I'll add that I don't know if you're breastfeeding and I'm not advocating stopping as such. However, I had a lovely health visitor who said You know you don't have to breast feed? You are allowed to stop. It was a bit of a turning point for me. For various reasons it was causing me a lot of distress.

Anyway, just a thought. You are allowed to choose what works for you and your needs are just as important as baby's

I’m so sorry you’re feeling worse today. It sounds like it’s taken you to a really dark place. I completely agree with the lovely post from @SmileyClare - it really is worth getting help. The way you’re feeling is in many ways totally normal and rational, but there is also a hormonal imbalance (as with all depression) that you may need to address. It is an illness and isn’t your fault at all.

I took all the support I could get, I was very needy! For the first month I had midwife visits every couple of days and my health visitor came to see me and offered phone support once lockdown started. I felt a bit pathetic but at the same time it helped knowing I had regular appointments to break up the monotony of the days. Health professionals know how vulnerable and raw you are as a new mum and there is so much support out there.

How was your appointment?

Who did you See?. Is there a mental health crisis number or mental health team in your area? I rang them when dh had a breakdown and they were on the phone within hours offering to prescribe diazepam. I was on the phone to them at 10pm.

Did you minimise the story so they wouldn’t take the baby off you? Even if you were about to harm the most they’ll do is admit you to a mother and baby unit, they don’t take the baby from you & you have to be really bad with psychosis to be admitted to a unit.

@bancha
@SmileyClare
@Fluffycloudland77

Sorry I have been AWOL over the past few days. I had a very bad evening on Thursday, things have been tough for a few days. I haven't had much to do with looking after baby as my anxiety has gotten quite severe.

I have lots of support at the moment with the PMHT and saw a doctor today who prescribed me some more medication to deal with my anxiety. My partner and mother have been looking after baby.

I'm really hoping things start to improve as I don't know how much more of this I can handle.

There has been talk of admission to a mother and baby unit also. Which I declined as I don't feel as though I can go anywhere with baby at the moment even though I would have support, it's just not something I feel I can do.

Just wanted to update as everyone has been so kind and supportive.

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly. Thankfully it seems you're getting support and medication and your partner and mum are there to help. Just concentrate on resting and getting well Op, you'll get there. I admire your strength and honesty in getting help.

Please don't feel obliged to keep updating on here. I'd love to hear how you're doing or will be here with a listening ear if you want to offload! There's no pressure or time scale in which you have to reply.

Sending hugs and understanding your way

How long do they expect the tablets to take to work?. Your not going through anything no one else has been through, this happens to loads of women but no one talks about it enough in real life.

You can change your mind about the unit, if you need to, their not going to say no because you refused first time. A woman on R4 recorded her car journey when they admitted her, she had full blown pp psychosis but she’s better now.

The tablets should take about 3 days to work (alongside anti depressants I am already on)

I also have another tablet that I can take as and when I'm having a severe panic, they should work straight away.

I'm doing well, I haven't been able to stay anywhere near the baby past 6pm for the past 4 nights and tonight I am in the next room from him. I definitely feel less jittery and worried having taken the tablets this evening.

@Anonmum1921

Thanks for keeping in touch. I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re okay. Like pp said don’t feel you have to update but if you want to then I am here to listen and chat and support you.

Seriously well done for seeking help and being honest about how you are feeling. It’s fantastic you are going to start medication, I hope that starts to make a difference soon. Just do what you can, look after yourself. Baby is safe with his dad and grandma.

@Anonmum1921

Just thinking about you and hoping you’re okay.

@Bancha

Hi Bancha, thanks for thinking of me.

Things have been very up and down, but there have been some ups, which can only be seen as a positive.

I think it's going to be a tough journey but I have lots of support around me, and clearly I have support online too, which is very heartwarming.

I hope you have a nice day your kindness had made a difference to my days, thank you x

Brilliant to hear you're getting some help and support You sound a lot more calm and positive than in your previous posts Op, you'll get better in time I've no doubt. Keep talking and asking for help and take each day as it comes.

Wishing you lots more good days I'm always here if you fancy updating (or just want a moan!)

@SmileyClare

Thank you so much

Very glad you're ok.

This is wonderful news. I’m so pleased to hear you’re doing a bit better. Even better days are to come

Just as an update for anyone who was wondering or maybe someone stumbling along this thread after looking for their own answers and advice; things are SO much better.

I am totally in love with my baby, more and more each day. I still feel overwhelmed and stressed, but this is normal and the feelings of love and excitement for the future totally outweigh the negative feelings.

Thank you everyone who responded to my post and I hope anyone else experiencing difficult times after having had a baby can read this and feel hopeful.

I never believed I could feel better, but I do, and I feel like things are going to be okay.

Good to hear. Best wishes to you all.

So pleased to read this. You are doing so well. Having a baby is so overwhelming. Best of luck for the future 💐😁

This is such joyful news, thanks for updating us OP. I’m sure it’ll help others who come across this thread, and give them some reassurance during difficult times.

I’ve thought about you a few times since this thread but thought it might feel a bit strange if I kept on asking after you. Honestly it’s really made my day to read this.