Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Very aggressive 2.4 year old

79 replies

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 16:46

I need advice please. My 2.4 year old is very aggressive. Apparently he’s not aggressive at nursery where he is 3 days a week.

He bites me and his older brother, throws things at us, hits, pulls hair and kicks. The other day at a farm he kicked a chicken. He’ll run up to a stranger and kick them and laugh

He’s very verbal and can talk remarkably well for his age; he’s a happy chappy, has a crazy amount of energy, on non nursery days he’s out running around about 6 hours a day.

His diet isn’t ideal but is varied and has lots of healthy food. Some ‘sugary’ foods in the week like cake or ice cream.

I don’t know what to do when he hurts people. I try time out, he doesn’t seem to care, I tell him
No and try and move him away, he laughs. It’s hard not to get angry back, which I know would be terrible.

I wonder if he has a behaviour problem? His elder siblings/cousins haven’t behaved like this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Wuurg · 28/04/2021 16:50

Why would getting angry be terrible? You don't need to lose your rag but you can be very very very firm that this is unacceptable?

iforgotyourenotbono · 28/04/2021 16:53

Kindly, he's doing it because he's getting away with it. Saying no and moving him away is fine for a 1 year old - a 2.5 year old kicking strangers and animals needs something firmer. Time out, if he gets up, put him back without saying a word and continue until he sits there for the required period. Ignore him completely if he kicks off, just keep putting him back and don't even look at him. Completely ignore. Once he's sat for the right amount, explain he must apologise, once he does, carry on as normal. Rinse and repeat.

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 16:53

I feel like angry when he’s aggressive is maybe modelling angry behaviour.

Also; sometimes I want to lob something straight back at him!!!!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Behaviour & development Families

Tambora · 28/04/2021 16:56

They would get a monumental bollocking from me for kicking a live chicken.

Wuurg · 28/04/2021 16:58

No wonder, sounds really hard OP. I would be really really cross with him and show him you're cross, eg "Mummy is cross" and moving him away so he knows it is unacceptable. I think it's okay for you to be cross, he's kicking strangers.

dodobookends · 28/04/2021 16:59

If he just laughs when you tell him off, then you are not telling him off firmly enough.

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 17:00

Ok, thanks, I’ll be firmer.

I feel like it’s almost a nervous laugh when he gets told off and then he looks away.

I teach in a secondary with major behavioural needs and have no problems there, but honestly I find him unmanageable

OP posts:

MyFirstNameAngelene · 28/04/2021 18:38

A very firm NO. And I’d scoop him up (calmly) kicking and screaming - take him out of the situation to somewhere quiet. Then let him tantrum it out, but be firm and say NO. You need to set the boundary and be in control. My DD was very articulate from a very young age and her tantrums were out of this world. She’s fine now! Most of the time.

Sallyandsam · 28/04/2021 18:48

Did you march him straight home when he kicked the chicken?

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 19:01

@Sallyandsam

No I didn’t as feel like his brother would have then felt punished as well if we had to leave because of his behaviour.

OP posts:

baldafrique · 28/04/2021 19:06

He kicked a chicken and got to stay?! Wtaf. That's insane. Talk about no consequences!

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 19:46

@baldafrique

Yes, because as I explained I didn’t want his brother to have to leave as well.

OP posts:

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:49

I’m afraid that’s unacceptable and leaving would have been appropriate

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:51

I know someone with a dc who was like this at 2. The behaviour escalated at 3 and finally stopped before he turned 4. I believe she got professional advice.

In her case there seemed to be triggers eg being overwhelmed, so she looked out for those to manage them.

However, anger is entirely appropriate where violence is concerned. When my toddler hit I came down to his level and said No! hitting is mean: it hurts people. We do NOT hit. Then he was immediately taken home if he did it. This worked. Consistency is key and controlled deep displeasure is vital.

Disneymum1993 · 28/04/2021 19:51

My son is nearly two and is exact same his siblings were never this hard to manage including one with asd! He bites ,kicks,pushes,smashes things up.

I always say no hand are for kind things etc,tried time out nothing seems to work. He doesn't care when he's told off he just laughs.

He can go from the sweetest little boy to an absolute devil in minutes watching this post for ideas how to deal with it

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 19:52

I don’t think it’s appropriate for his brother.

I would never collectively punish a class at school for one child’s bad behaviour, so I won’t to my own.

OP posts:

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:53

I would also ask nursery if he has ever hit even once and, if so, how they dealt with it - to get consistency

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 19:53

@Disneymum1993

He sounds very similar to my son. He can be such a delight and so loving and then so terribly behaved, it’s overwhelming.

OP posts:

Original poster

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 19:54

I ask nursery most days and they say he doesn’t hit or pull anyone’s hair. I’ve mentioned struggling with his behaviour at home and they always look quite surprised.

OP posts:

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:55

I’m afraid that is letting down both your children - your youngest son because you are not helping him to stop hitting. Also your older son because you are effectively continuing a situation where he has a younger brother who hits - that is going to potentially end up with him being hit and also socially impacted as people won’t want to do play dates where there is a hitting sibling

Brieminewine · 28/04/2021 19:55

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@baldafrique

Yes, because as I explained I didn’t want his brother to have to leave as well.[/quote]
Maybe he needs to learn his actions effect other people: Eg his brother.

You need to be firmer, kicking strangers and animals needs an absolute roasting and being taken home immediately.

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:56

I know how hard it is but with most children you only need to do the leaving two or three times before the message gets through

baldafrique · 28/04/2021 19:56

If you dont leave though, there is no learning for him. Why would he not do it again? He kicked a chicken and got to stay!

Disneymum1993 · 28/04/2021 19:56

@OverTheRainbow88

I ask nursery most days and they say he doesn’t hit or pull anyone’s hair. I’ve mentioned struggling with his behaviour at home and they always look quite surprised.

I am majorly struggling balancing him and my dd who has asn and older sister. I have had health visitor out and she advised to ignore screaming and hitting if it's myself but if it's others which it usually is then to take him away to quieten down. He calmed down today doing this within an hour he was biting hitting screaming again. Hope things improve soon for you

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/04/2021 19:56

Does he have any signs of ASD - you might want to do the MCHAT if you haven’t already

Flip

1 2 3 4