I hate being a mother

[namechanged9999]

It's taken me a while to admit this to myself but I completely hate being a parent. It feels like a job to me which I don't get paid for. My kid is 3 and I hate the whining, hate playing with them, hate the routine. I'm 30, getting divorced and I just want to travel, be myself, go out with friends, have more money to spend. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give my ex custody so the kid lives with them and I'm the non resident parent but then I know people will judge me, especially my relatives.

Please don't judge - I feel awful and selfish but it's my truth. I've never enjoyed it. It's always been a chore.

I just want to be alone.

Also no I'm far from depressed. Just selfish. Has anyone felt like this?

@thenewduchessofhastings yes he doesn't do any house work at all and refuses to pay for a cleaner. I don't have time to clean as I work long hours so I pay for the cleaner to come in. He doesn't do anything at all, not even clean the cat litter or empty dish washer. But he always says I'm struggling as a mom and would never cope without help.

It sounds like he's gaslighting you op. Telling you you can't do it without help but not pulling his weight as a parent.

I'll be anything his request for 50/50 is based on not wanting to pay you maintenance and then yes he'll become unreasonable and you'll end up with 70/30 with no maintenance coming in - it's a script I think lots of us have seen before.

What's the plan about housing and getting separate places? You'll feel so much better once you're on your own as although you have to do it all, you're not resentful of the man child in the corner doing nothing!!

I'd suggest not making any big decisions now while you're feeling so low. Wait until you've separated properly and then reassess how you feel about parenting.

So many people on this thread are assuming the child’s dad is fit to look after the child......

Op if you are expected to do all childcare / housework plus work I’m not surprised you are feeling shit. I find parenting hard enough and I have a hands-on partner plus supportive family locally

Pressed post too soon

.... so while this post is terribly sad to read it’s not unsurprising OP feels this way given the circumstances

Yes OP he is your problem - all of this sounds environmental. You would I suspect not only cope but thrive if it is the two of you

YOu need to start that process

Out of interest @namechanged9999 does he also tell you that you're not a good Mom and you don't have the right bond with her etc? Beginning to wonder how much of your feelings are in your head and how much down your ears

So you're caring for your child alone, working full-time, doing everything in the house and his contribution is to criticise your efforts. No wonder you feel dreadful. And he is saying he will go from doing nothing to 50%?? Not having him in your life will hopefully take some of the weight away from you even though it will be hard in practical terms. It makes me feel sad that you do absolutely everything, but still think you're somehow lacking.

@SleepingStandingUp yes he always says our friends are much better mothers than me and cope so well without help. But their husbands are helpful. He calls me an embarrassment of a mother and unfit.

@Booboobadoo he says he won't do 50% right now to show me what it's like being a single mom / teach me a lesson. We are divorcing bc of abuse (mostly emotional).

Can you move out somewhere - I think away from him this will make parenting much easier for you

God @namechanged9999 that’s awful, I agree with @SleepingStandingUp is this mostly coming from your ears?!

He sounds like the absolute pits.

This is domestic abuse!
Get out of this relationship then see how things are.

I think once you're away and it's just you two, you'll realise you are a better Mom

OP with your updates you have a lot going on, no wonder you're struggling and finding it shit. He has worn you down, does fuck all around the house and with his child, and I'd sure as hell feel resentful of cleaning up after him and dealing with his abuse (which it is), as well as working FT and having no break or respite. No wonder you're exhausted, no wonder you're exploring options to change things, but please don't underestimate the impact of his words and actions on how you feel. I honestly think you'd feel a lot differently without him around.

Sounds like you don’t hate being a mother.

Sounds like you hate being a mother with an incompetent and abusive co-parent.

Why would you want to leave a 3 year old with somebody who has no real interest ? I'm not judging but the child needs somebody that gives a toss you don't have to "like it" you just have to do it I think 50/50 would benefit your daughter and you.

Well done you for divorcing him he sounds an abusing arsehole.