Why do i feel i've failed him?

[Marshmellow]

I feel like such a failure for giving him a dummy. 2 months on and he is miserable screaming all the time and desperately feeding for comfort to try to doze off. So much for the third just 'fitting in', that's certainly not happening. My other 2 are fed up with the screams, we're all tired and i feel dreadful that i am not able to offer him the comfort that he needs and that it has had to come from a plastic object! I gave him a dummy and within 3 seconds he was fast asleep. I feel so rubbish though. Never used them with other 2 and really don't like them. I know my family will raise their eyebrows at the mere thought of me using one and i know i'm going to get so many 'told you so' from various people who kept telling me he needed a dummy and i kept saying 'no way!' i really feel i have let him down. Feeling very tearful

Is he happy? Dummies aren't poisen. Just try and relax about it, you have definatly not failed him!

stop beating yourself up - it;s a dummy not crack cocaine!

I always swore my DS wouldn't have a dummy, and guess what - he did and it helped him sleep, which was a blessing for us all

You have given him something that has soothed and comforted him.
You have certainly not let him down.
We can't get inside the brains of young babies, but for whatever reason it is very common for them to take great comfort in having a dummy.
The time will come when you will be able to wean him off it.
How old is he?

He's 2 months. At what age do you take it away?

I haven;t had such a big problem weaning DS off his dummy. Am doing it gradually and down to just nap and bedtime. Will drop it at naptime soon. Some children find them more soothing than others.

As Ruby said - it's not crack cocaine!

Marshmellow, you really haven't let your little one down - please don't be so down on yourself. It's not a reflection on your ability to help your baby. Think of it as that you have comforted your baby by giving him something that really helps him, and enjoy the peace and quiet

Some babies are 'dummy babies' and some just aren't, your first two weren't just didn't need that type of comfort.

Ignore any 'I told you so' comments - people love to be smug.

DS1 finally had his dummy taken away by the 'dummy faries' at 3 years old. Not ideal, but it hasn't done him any harm.

DS2 never wanted or needed a dummy.

my ds1 would have had a dummy but he found his thumb and its MUCH harder to wean them off that. He still sucks his thumb at 12. with hindsight I'd rather he had had a dummy. Don't think he would still be sucking that at 12!!!

I keep trying to justify it by the fact that i can't sit comfort feeding him every hour of every day when i have the other 2 who also need me. He's gaining so much weight and doing really well and i just can't leave him to cry it out at 2 months old. I feel like 3rd time round i should know all the answers and have such an angelic child but it's not like that at all. The whole dummy thing really goes so against what my initial views were. I'm not looking for more sleep or the opportunity to ignore him or anything like that i just want him to stop being so unhappy and my other 2 to actually be able to cuddle him and enjoy him without feeling they're always upsetting him because he's crying

But now that can happen - your children will enjoy their little brother now. Don't worry about the fact that the dummy has made it possible! Just be thankful that it exists for exactly that purpose and you have a calmer baby.

When DS1 was born early and in the SCBU I went in one day and the nurse said 'I hope you don't mind, he was screaming and I gave him a dummy'. I had never intended to use dummies with mine either, but as I saw how calm he was, an the alternative was a fractious unsettled baby, I just thought 'Oh, thank goodness!'.

i don't think there's anything wrong with a dummy. why don't you get a soother as well and just give it everytime you give dummy? when he's old enough you can whip away the dummy but leave the soother which is more acceptable for an older child to carry with them.

seriously if this is the worst habit you've gotten into then you must be doing a super job

Also, you might find it's just a phase - he's not necessarily going to become dependent on it all the time.

Why on earth do we have this dreadful view of using a dummy? I see NOTHING wrong with this at all. In fact when ds was born I had dummies in my kit to take to hospital, so that if needed he could have one very early. In fact he started to use a dummy after about 5 days, and gave it up for himself at 4 months.

Don't beat youself up. Remember, in the U.S. its called a comforter.

AGree its much harder to stop a child sucking their thumb. I'm a TA & I know a pupil at secondary school who sits there in lessons sucking her thumb

New mums put such high expectations on themselves.
A dummy is not the end of the world at all. if it comforts your little mite, use it and give yourself a break. xx

My DS always had dreadful evenings until MIL gave him a dummy and tucked him up in our pram. That was at 8 weeks old.
He lost interest in them about 4 weeks later, but those calmer evenings saved my sanity.
Have to admit wish he still wanted one!