Why is it seen as a must to leave your child?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi everyone, I'm a first time mum with a 14m old girl. I've only left her a handful of times such as 4 or 5 times with partner to go shopping, couple hours with mil and times she took LO for walks, with my grandparents to go shopping, get a shower to go eat etc

I've left LO but dont understand why family members push me to do it. It's as if I'm seen as some sort of controlling mum. I'm a stay at home mum but I get all the jobs done, life feels balanced.

I I havnt left her for a while, am I crazy? If I dont need the help, why do I have to be seperated from my child in order to be seen as not possessive? Mil sees baby a lot, I sleep at my grandparents as they are further away every 2 to 3 weeks. I see other family members regularly. I will only leave her if I need to, but I'm seen as a mad mother because I dont leave her when I dont need to? Such as filling the requests of mil to leave lo at weekends. I dont get it?
Am I mad

you should really read through the thread before dangerously labelling the OP
Thank you for telling me what to do. I'll remind you that you are not the boss of me. Your comments were interesting.

I lived abroad when all mine were born, no baby groups, no family within 5000 miles and just Dh and myself untill I made a few friends with kids of similar ages. (oldest had a babysitter a few times till I stopped work) They breastfed till 2 and went to school at 5. They are well adjusted normal people.
It's a very British thing to try and get Mums to leave the babies with others. I never had pressure to do it unless we came to visit family here, but we just carried on like at home and took the babies wherever we went.
You carry on and do what you are comfortabe with.

Damn autocorrect.
Western not eastern.

@DoingItMyself I'm not the boss of you? Are you 6?!

@kickergoes

Western liberal society has lost feeling for the child. You are right. The rest of them are wrong.

Right.....except it takes 2 people to make a child and OP has clearly stated the other person is completely incapable, and unwilling, to the point he controls her whereabouts so he isn't left with the child. You should really read through the thread before dangerously labelling the OP as "right", her situation is far from it.

Also, what happens if she or DP suddenly get appendicitis or whatever and have to go into hospital. The child will be traumatised if they haven't had the experience of being left even for a short while

It is not a very British thing to do. How ignorant. It's done in so many countries - countries where multi generational families are the norm, countries where it's completely normal to leave children with family members, where grandparents will look after the bambinos, where aunties and uncles are around and taking kids for days at a time. Wow.

My son is 3, he’s never been left with family members.
Why are they pushing this?

Oh, I wish I'd had parents and in-laws that wanted to take care of our DC's and give us just a little time together as a couple. Perhaps our marriage would have survived....

No you are not mad, you are a mum making your own choices for your own family. If this works for you then it's fine! No need for it to change. If you do need childcare in the future it obviously may need to change, but right now it doesn't.
The people telling you that you are mad are just jealous and / or threatened by you!

Id argue that its actually the norm for babies/toddlers to be looked after by the wider family. Its a very western idea that only the mum looks after the child - which, by the way, I think is bonkers.

@QwertyGirly

It is not a very British thing to do. How ignorant. It's done in so many countries - countries where multi generational families are the norm, countries where it's completely normal to leave children with family members, where grandparents will look after the bambinos, where aunties and uncles are around and taking kids for days at a time. Wow.

Disagreeing is fine, name calling not so much. Many countries where multigenerational families care for kids, actually all live together in one residence, seeing each other all day every day, much different to dropping off to famly you see once a week or month.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Id argue that its actually the norm for babies/toddlers to be looked after by the wider family. Its a very western idea that only the mum looks after the child - which, by the way, I think is bonkers.

Apart from breastfeeding.

I dont understand your point? BF is done the world over and babies are still looked after by the wider family?

I actually saw a fb post by a breastfeeding group earlier about in some countries, Grandma’s re-lactate and breast feed. Unless fact of the day!
OP you don’t have to leave your child with anyone but, reading your previous posts, it just seems you have a really intense dislike for your MIL. You just have made about 7 posts about her! And a few concerning ones about your OH!

Just coming back to this thread to hold my hands up and say I was proven wrong, DS fell & fractured his shoulder on Wednesday and I had to leave DD (13mo) with family to go to A&E.
She was upset, though not unbelievably so, however, she now screams every time I so much as walk across a room. I don't think she'd quite grasped that we were separate people and that I COULD leave her. She's gone from being the happiest, most chilled out care free baby to being clingy and teary and I feel very guilty about it