Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Children feeling hurt by something their aunt gifted their grandparents

60 replies

AnaAj · 19/04/2021 13:31

My sister-in-law and I are not on talking terms. She gifted her parents an album with photos of the whole family, she didn't add any photos of me. My children got upset when they noticed it.

How would you approach this kind of situation? I'm thinking of asking my parents-in -law to put away the album when the children come to visit but then again I dont want any more drama.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nowthereistwo · 19/04/2021 13:34

Surely your children need to learn that you can't be friends with everyone and you could make your own album with them to give to the parents.

It's a tough world our there and they need to know that it's not all roses

InDubiousBattle · 19/04/2021 13:36

How old are the children?

Fundays12 · 19/04/2021 13:36

Tell the kids you don't speak to your SIL so she won't have photos of them. If they want make a book themselves.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Sirzy · 19/04/2021 13:36

How old are the children?

Sounds like it’s one of those things it’s best to just let go. You risk turning it into a much bigger issue than it actually is

CustardyCreams · 19/04/2021 13:38

Ignore it. When you say the kids were “upset”, I’m guessing more baffled and put out than wailing and inconsolable. Just move on, and make a mental note she doesn’t really consider you part of the family for whatever reason and deal with her accordingly.

Zarinea · 19/04/2021 13:41

Just ignore it. If they mention it again, either explain why you don't speak (if appropriate and necessary, don't drag them into your row), or have a light 'isn't it a shame that I've not seen much of Aunty X, but it doesn't mattter because Granny sees plenty of me'.

Looseleaf · 19/04/2021 13:41

I would more tell the DC it doesn’t matter- I wonder if they mind because have seen you sensitive to the situation as hopefully reassuring them it doesn’t matter would help

PragmaticWench · 19/04/2021 13:44

If your DC are teens then I'd be fairly open that you and their Aunt don't get on, hence she doesn't have pictures or you/didn't want to include you.

If they're younger I'd be fudging over that and making sure your DC don't realise it's an issue.

Candycane57 · 19/04/2021 14:05

Just explain to them why you weren't in it, explain that their aunt is allowed to not include you. I understand they want to stick up for their mum but if they're old enough to notice you missing they're old enough to understand you didn't have to be included if their aunt didn't want you to be.

BiBabbles · 19/04/2021 14:34

My step-SIL and I both made photo gifts for our mutual in-laws for years -- we never used photos of the other's family as we only talk at family functions and - as she always leaves her children with her parents for such events - I've never actually met her children even though her oldest is a teen now. How could either of us put in photos we didn't have?

My SIL liked to make those collage photo frames, and they were mainly her, her DS, and her other brother as they all lived in the same area. Again, she just had fewer photos of us to include them.

My in-laws would just say "Oh yes, [name] made that" when my children noticed those things. I think it helped them to see wider parts of their family that they don't normally get to see. They really liked photo gifts - which is why we all kept making them - but none of us were expected to put the others in our gifts.

SageRosemary · 19/04/2021 14:38

Explain that Auntie didn't have any photos with you in them. Root out a nice one that they can bring to their grandparents. No need to mention the war and cause further upset. They can decide for themselves whether they like her or not over time.

My SIL is a fairly keen photographer. She has an album style wall of photos in her home - literally hundreds of framed photos on the long extended wall and more still on every available surface - DB (HER husband) is in a couple of them but no-one else from his side of the family. All the photos are of HER family, HER friends, HER neighbours. She always puts us sitting opposite that wall at HER catered parties for HER DC, honestly she has a brass neck. We stopped going to HER house unless it is to do with our DNiece/Nepehew.

I over-compensate here, DHs family feature in photos here.

Floralnomad · 19/04/2021 14:38

Surely your children know that you don’t speak to their aunt , if not tell them and then tell them that’s why she didn’t have any photos of you .

HarrietHardy · 19/04/2021 14:40

I can't imagine my DC being bothered about it, and I'd have laughed it off as SiL doing her own thing again if they mentioned it.

Teaching moment: What is an "ego", boys and girls? Shall we see?

saraclara · 19/04/2021 14:41

Tell the children that if you'd been making the photo album you wouldn't have put SIL in it.

EscapeDragon · 19/04/2021 14:44

Did your dc ask their grandparents why there are no pictures of you in the album?

Original poster

AnaAj · 19/04/2021 14:58

My children are 7 & 9 years old, they are aware that we don't get along and that we barely see each other anymore. I did explain to them that the reason she probably didn't put me in the photo album it's due to us not talking to anymore and that I don't mind but I guess they are a bit sensitive about it because they said they thought it was a bit mean to only leave me out ( she included the wife of her other brother).

Thank you for the advise, it's very helpful. I think you are right, it's better if I just leave it as it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

AnaAj · 19/04/2021 14:59

No, they didn't.

OP posts:

Aprilshowersandhail · 19/04/2021 15:10

Just make one for them yourself.

mindutopia · 19/04/2021 18:23

If you two have no relationship, would she even have photos of you to add to an album? I am NC with a family member. If she got photos of me from somewhere and added them to a photo album, I'd actually be pretty annoyed. My photos are none of her business. If I wanted to share photos of my family and I, I'd make my own album.

Honeybobbin · 19/04/2021 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SOLINVICTUS · 19/04/2021 18:27

Ignore it.
Make one yourself.
Don't give it headspace.
But, no, if I wasn't talking to my SIL I wouldn't put photos of her in an album either tbf.

Honeyroar · 19/04/2021 18:28

What have you told them? If they know you two don’t speak I don’t understand why they’d have any issues of her gift. You should’ve just said the album was that side of the family and that your children could help you pick out photos of your side for an album. Of course your parents shouldn’t have to hide the photos away. They shouldn’t have to pussyfoot around.

Notaroadrunner · 19/04/2021 18:29

I can't imagine my kids would even notice I wasn't in an album, let alone be upset by it, especially at their ages. Brush it off and let them not bother looking at it again.

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 18:30

That’s very unusual for your kids to get upset over this, surely the grand parents would say oh that’s from Mary we have other pics of your mum. And leave it there. It’s surprising they even noticed. It would be even odder for you to ask the album to be put away when they visit, it would be validating that the sil did something wrong and she didn’t, she doesn’t need to include you. And making what is an irrelevance into something big.

PhillipPhillop · 19/04/2021 22:00

Unless your head had literally been cut out of group shots I can' believe they noticed!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread