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Original poster

Children feeling hurt by something their aunt gifted their grandparents

60 replies

AnaAj · 19/04/2021 13:31

My sister-in-law and I are not on talking terms. She gifted her parents an album with photos of the whole family, she didn't add any photos of me. My children got upset when they noticed it.

How would you approach this kind of situation? I'm thinking of asking my parents-in -law to put away the album when the children come to visit but then again I dont want any more drama.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

AnaAj · 20/04/2021 07:28

Well they did notice, we are a small family and it's easy to notice when everyone is on the album except their mother. It's the kind of the album each family were presented, with both parents and the kids and then when it came to our family, I was the only parent left out. Personally, I don't mind but obviously it slightly pissed me of seeing my kids upset about it but I guess they have to learn, it's just the way things are.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 20/04/2021 07:29

Are you sure it’s not you that’s put out? And feeding that to the kids? The average kid wouldn’t even notice this never mind get upset about it op,

Saltyslug · 20/04/2021 07:36

Don’t do anything. Acknowledging its shitty is enough. No action needed. You will probably all be naturally wary and that’s healthy

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GrumpyHoonMain · 20/04/2021 07:50

You need to tell them that when two people don’t get on there are natural consequences and those are they don’t include each other in photos. It is absolutely ridiculous for you to be upset that someone you don’t talk to left you out of something they arranged.

Poorlykitten · 20/04/2021 07:55

Do your own album?

TustedFormula · 20/04/2021 08:01

I don't think I'd put pictures of my BiL in a gift for my DPs either and he's a perfectly nice chap and we get on on fine.

I'm also not at all sure children would notice or care without "encouragement".

DropBearThere · 20/04/2021 08:02

I actually can’t see why you’d even think your SIL would include your kids when you’re not even on speaking terms. And why are the kids even getting upset about it, are you encouraging them to think they’ve been left out and your SIL is the baddie? It should be a non event, the kids are old enough to know you don’t get on so why on earth would your SiL be chasing up pics of your side of the family? That’s your job to do if you want your kids in some present album thing so make one if you need to be competitive about it.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 20/04/2021 08:05

You're already making it a drama. Why on earth are your children upset by someone elses choice of present.
How do you approach this? You don't.

Next !

HouseyHouse21 · 20/04/2021 08:06

In the nicest way possible, I think you may be projecting your own feelings onto your DCs here. Would you like to be back on speaking terms with your SIL? Maybe you could focus your attention on that instead. Try to leave the children out of it, if you can.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 20/04/2021 08:08

Are you a member of the Royal Family OP ?
I can't imagine presenting photos and being slighted by being missed out if not

longwayoff · 20/04/2021 08:12

Excellent. Lockdown lifting and you want to celebrate with a massive family row over nothing. Go ahead, you can keep this running for weeks.

denverRegina · 20/04/2021 08:15

They were upset with no prompting on your part? I doubt that.

Children of that age take things at face value. Stop using them as a tool to continue this feud.

You're not in a photo album, who cares?

ImInStealthMode · 20/04/2021 08:16

I know two sets of kids the same ages and I'd like to congratulate you OP on having raised children with such sensitivity and awareness.

I can guarantee that neither the 9 nor 7 year olds I know would have noticed a missing person, nor even been all that interested in poring over family photo albums (unless they were old ones obviously, so they could point & laugh at the funny hair and clothes).

LawnFever · 20/04/2021 08:22

Surely a photo album is usually just put on a shelf/cupboard, it’s not brought out every time someone visits

I wouldn’t even mention it again, the kids will forget all about it soon enough if you don’t keep going on about it, sounds like you want to make this into a much bigger drama than it is, it’s a pretty non-event

Lougle · 20/04/2021 08:23

I do have children who notice, so I can understand that, but you can't cut it both ways. You're not on talking terms and with that comes a loss of relationship. It's ok to give a broad brush explanation that remains light.

I have a difficult relationship with my DSis. She often gets upset with me and so the children notice. I gave age appropriate explanations. Now they are teenagers I explain more fully and often try to help the children to see her behaviour as communication of how difficult her life is, rather than just saying that she doesn't like me much, because it's not great for them to think she's a horrible person.

Oneeyeopen · 20/04/2021 08:24

I would make my own album and put the worst picture I could find of sil on a prominent page.
I like winding people up though so probably best to not do this!

greenlynx · 20/04/2021 08:34

I think OP is having too much hard time here.
I grew up with a small circle of relatives and by 9 I would certainly notice something like this. Children have eyes and ears and they do take things literally. Probably SIL or GPs made too much noise and fuss that’s it’s an album with photos of the FAMILY. And children we’re excited to see photos of others and anticipated to see their own family.
The fact that they didn’t question GPs about it made me thinking that they’re aware about family dynamics and picked up negative feelings. So depending on GPs I would mention it to them privately so they would be more careful with conversations in the future.

Postmysecret · 20/04/2021 08:39

A few years ago my auntie gifted my nana an album filled with photos of only her 2 kids, (we were all on talking terms & close) I thought it was weird, but she likes to be the centre. But tbh this wouldn’t bother me, would find it more weird if she’d gone out of her way to get photos of you.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 20/04/2021 08:45

It's hard for people to tell you how to handle it as it seems quite clear that most posters wouldn't care and their children wouldn't notice it

It seems odd that you'd spend family visits looking at the same photo album each time, how often would this issue actually arise?

Topseyt · 20/04/2021 08:46

I highly doubt that my DDs would have noticed anything like that when they were that age (or any age really). Nor would I, so to us it would be a non-issue.

I don't particularly like being photographed or put on display like that anyway so I would have been relieved not to be included.

Did you mention the omission to them?

EverythingRuined · 20/04/2021 09:18

This is the type of thing my kids would laugh at not get upset at. What does you husband think

Original poster

AnaAj · 20/04/2021 09:49

To the people that keep asking why the kids had a look through the album, they are very close to their grandparents and they are aware of when there is something new like a photo album displayed on the bookcase. They were very curious and had a look. I wasn't with them for that a visit and didn't know that the album existed.

I really don't care that I'm not in the album, it's just that if it's me, I wouldn't have done the same because, I would think about how it would have effected her children or even made it awkward for the other people viewing it.

My kids know that their aunt and I dont talk, I have told them that their aunt is a good woman that loves them and that sometimes people just don't get along. My children's mental health is very important and I would hate if they every thought they have a bad aunt.

OP posts:

longwayoff · 20/04/2021 10:20

How would you have got photos of your SIL for your own non-existent album as you dont speak to one another? Had she asked you for some family photos would you have responded? If I had to gather family members together for photos so that nobody felt left out, I wouldn't have any photos. Petty.

Original poster

AnaAj · 20/04/2021 10:35

Longwayoff, my husband always send her family photos. She just didn't want to include me.

OP posts:

denverRegina · 20/04/2021 11:28

Jesus wept, it's not going to affect their mental health

You really are projecting here, that's much more damaging than a photo album that they wouldn't have noticed or given two shits about if you hadn't made it an issue.

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