Help! I want to pull my children out of their school due to another mum

[BellaDonna79]

I've never posted here before but I have been a long time lurker lol!
Anyway my problem is that at the good prep school my 4 eldest children are at there is another mother who is VERY competitive, her daughter always has to be the best at everything you know the type. Well my 6 year old is in the same class as her daughter (yr2) and while I used to take a slightly mischievous delight in the fact that my DD was notably cleverer than hers, (higher reading level, top maths table etc) Since the YR1 prize giving in June last year she's been making all of our lives a misery, DD got prizes for coming top in English, Maths and reading (I don't know if I agree with this sort of pressure at such a young age but its not my choice how the teacher decides who to give the prizes to) and in addition she won the running race at sports day and the swimming race at their gala and she got a high honours in her primary grade speech and drama ( proud mummy) well since then this woman has been bitching about my family and spreading rumours that my husband is having an affair (I know he's not) she's saying she's heard my daughter should be in the year above and thats why shes doing so well (not particularly malicious but annoying none the less) but most hurtfully her son is in the same class as one of mine (nursery... and she keeps asking him if he can read yet, he can't hers can, if he can swim a width without armbands etc and then she keeps saying oh well we can't all be clever etc and I'M JUST ICANDESCENT WITH RAGE my poor ds is 4 FGS He's just a baby!!!! (she catches him at 3 before he goes into aftercare for 30 mins, I work, there is NO WAY I can get to school for 3 or else I would! I know because he tells me as do other mothers and children)
I don't know what to do... I'm just so sad I can't protect him from this bullying.

Oh and to add insult to injury when the parts for the christmas play were announced my daughter got the lead role, she then went and complained and asked if her daughter could have it, my dd was standing in the hall and she put her on the spot saying dd doesn't want it anyway do you, dd was so scared she knows how this woman has been to her little brother that she just said not reallllly, so now shes mouse 3 instead of Cinderella.

I just don't know what to do, I don't know many of the other mums very well, I have a couple of close friends at the school but she is a big PTA mum so she networks with everyone etc. I think a lot of mums are scared of her... I just feel so

Speak to the staff and ask that they shepherd him to after school care and to be with him when she comes in & explain why. She should not have access to you ds, especially if she is upsetting him.

Have you spoken to the woman personally about it ?

Shame you can't coach your children to say in a loud, accusing voice, "That's not very nice!"

at her

for you

How apparent was your previous "slightly mischievious delight?" in your daughter's superior skills? It sounds as if there is a bit of history here.

That woman needs to be careful. I know a woman who put so much pressure on her children one commited suicide at 17 , and another left home at the earliest opportunity and doesn't have any contact with her whatsoever.
It sounds like she's very insecure and is trying to live the life she would have liked through her children.
You need to protect your son from her, and Heated's suggestion is good.

My mischeivious delight was NOT visible to anyone, I just silently beamed inside IYKWIM, eg in nursery/reception when she was loudly telling anyone who'd listen what reading book her dd was on I'd just think to myself "well DD is a whole 2 levels above that" but I never said anything to anyone etc

I have made an appointment to go and speak to the head. I've already spoken to DS's teacher and she did arrange for the support staff who take the LO's to after care to specifically hold his hand etc but this mum is friendly with them and can be very charming, I'm told by one of my close friends that she is very good at distracting others to get at him, she tried to talk to her once but this woman just kept walking and totally ignored her, just blanked her out so she was stunned she just didn't know what to do.

It just seems like she has her claws in everywhere!

I think, (and I don't want to sound off here) that she might be a little jealous of me, she is clearly very clever but I don't think she has a particularly high level of education herself, I'm studying for my phd and lecturing (I have a lecture 3 days a week at home time so thats why DC have to be in after care) her husband is wealthy but she's very ostentatious, my husband probably earns quite a bit more but we're not flashy at all but if you actively LOOK for those sort of things which she clearly does then I guess its pretty obvious, Im only 27 and she is a good 15-20 years older than me!

I'm just so angry and upset and I don't want to deprive my children off a good education because of one woman (all other schools we caould reasonably get to in the mornings aren't anywhere near as good) and my twins, in YR1 are sooooo happy at school I don't want to move them and DD1 is for the most part very contented.

Yes. twins. in year 1.
I'm quite possibly the most fertile woman EVER. 5 kids in 3 years 9 months. all of them just sort of happened despite the pill etc! but I wouldn't change anything for the world!

Hmmm.

I feel for you at giving up the main part. Do NOT pull your kids out of school.
I would have to contact her directly and ask her what the hell she was playing at. After that I would complain to the school - never mind all that other stuff about wealth and education that is just bullshit and who cares? The bottom line is your children are sufferering and you should resolve it asap

mouse 3

too right CWF.
Wealth and education is just bullshit if your sone is being bullied by another adult.
i'd speak to the headteacher and ademand ameeting with her there also. Get it all out in the open and there is awitness also.
I don't quite believe they took a main part of your daughter without consulting you on another mothers request to be honest.
I feel for you BD, i have no a too dis-similar situation going on at the moment myself, but you are clearly quite acopetitice type yourself, and ou could come across abit six of one and half adozen to be quite honest...

got jeys missing, typing gone all cod like - apols

What's acopetitice? Sounds like a pudding.

' a competitive type'
tee hee
got c and v issing!
guess every time i type

I prefer the pudding. Something Italian and very creamy. Competitive type. Got it.

the whole thing
sorry

Kind of my thoughts too Cadelaide.

So your daughter is top in english, maths and reading. Won the running race and the swiming race, and high honours in drama.
And then got the lead role of Cinderella in the school play.
Is there anyone else in this class?

Me too cadelaide sorry.

And Mouse 3. Not even Mouse 1. Such demotion.

Wow! You sound amazing. Five kids and a PHD and an ultra rich husband. And you are only 27. How could anyone compete with that?

I think you must of either relayed sufficient info or given off some mysterious vibes for this unpleasant woman to enter into competitive parenting with you.

My mother used to recognise this vulgar, showy sort at my prep school and was always very gracious and smiling. If the boasting got a bit too much for her, she used to say, "I'm sure you're very proud," which has a wealth of inference .

Haha ha at Mouse 3

I really don't care if she is the only child in the class, what I see is that an adult bullying a child is out of order.

You trusted the staff with the welfare of your children, you are paying money to keep them safe while you are not there. They must ensure the child is not bullied while under their care, more so if it comes from a lunatic parent.

And what relevance the age thing, exactly?
(....not that I'm feeling ancient and defensive or anything....)