Help! I want to pull my children out of their school due to another mum

[BellaDonna79]

I've never posted here before but I have been a long time lurker lol!
Anyway my problem is that at the good prep school my 4 eldest children are at there is another mother who is VERY competitive, her daughter always has to be the best at everything you know the type. Well my 6 year old is in the same class as her daughter (yr2) and while I used to take a slightly mischievous delight in the fact that my DD was notably cleverer than hers, (higher reading level, top maths table etc) Since the YR1 prize giving in June last year she's been making all of our lives a misery, DD got prizes for coming top in English, Maths and reading (I don't know if I agree with this sort of pressure at such a young age but its not my choice how the teacher decides who to give the prizes to) and in addition she won the running race at sports day and the swimming race at their gala and she got a high honours in her primary grade speech and drama ( proud mummy) well since then this woman has been bitching about my family and spreading rumours that my husband is having an affair (I know he's not) she's saying she's heard my daughter should be in the year above and thats why shes doing so well (not particularly malicious but annoying none the less) but most hurtfully her son is in the same class as one of mine (nursery... and she keeps asking him if he can read yet, he can't hers can, if he can swim a width without armbands etc and then she keeps saying oh well we can't all be clever etc and I'M JUST ICANDESCENT WITH RAGE my poor ds is 4 FGS He's just a baby!!!! (she catches him at 3 before he goes into aftercare for 30 mins, I work, there is NO WAY I can get to school for 3 or else I would! I know because he tells me as do other mothers and children)
I don't know what to do... I'm just so sad I can't protect him from this bullying.

Oh and to add insult to injury when the parts for the christmas play were announced my daughter got the lead role, she then went and complained and asked if her daughter could have it, my dd was standing in the hall and she put her on the spot saying dd doesn't want it anyway do you, dd was so scared she knows how this woman has been to her little brother that she just said not reallllly, so now shes mouse 3 instead of Cinderella.

I just don't know what to do, I don't know many of the other mums very well, I have a couple of close friends at the school but she is a big PTA mum so she networks with everyone etc. I think a lot of mums are scared of her... I just feel so

I would certainly speak to the school and tell them what you have told us. Other than that I would keep your head down and this lady sounds as though she may well show herself up without you having to do too much more.

I relate to the shyness thing. I myself am shy and I think when I (rarely) comment on something my children do well I possibly come across as competitive, which I am not at all (or at least, only against myself, if that makes sense). I put that down to my shyness possibly coming across as aloofness. As a result I often come across other mothers who seem to be very competitive when talking to me, and I have only recently put two and two together.

I hope you get this sorted but I wouldn't rush to move schools as I suspect that there is one of these mothers in most schools.

Sounds like an awful school!

good god. why don't you just tell her politely to fuck off?

then she can go and tell all the other mums what a common person you are! fgs, don not associate with this woman a moment longer. just shun her

If there is some possibility that you may be perceived as boastful in real life, correct that, but... fall on the staff and this woman like a pile of bricks.

It doesn't matter how boastful and unpleasant you could possibly be, there would never be an excuse for an adult releasing her anger by bullying a 4 year old.

Regarding the nasty comments from some posters, just ignore them. Some people get a bit over protective of Mumsnet and perhaps may not be exposed to people in your walks of life, and as a consequence they find the situation unreal.

Your second post describes the situation in a way which encourages greater understanding.
Is it possible to involve your dh, especially if this woman intimidates you. Could he go to the school with you?

ignore the stupid hurtful comments BD - just see the useful advice many have given you. You are in an awful situation and you have to act fast and nip it in the bud. Good luck xx

I don't believe a word BD says, sorry

Sorry.

I have just realised I am old enough to be your mother!

Anyway, I agree, Good Prep Schools should not allow parents access to other people's children, nor take casting advice from another parent. Unbelievable behaviour.

You may want to read "Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads" by Rosalind Wiseman. It talks about exactly the kind of situation you are describing and gives lots of suggestions about how you can tackle it.

Horrible, horrible situation for your children and you. I really hope you manage to get it sorted.

I remember readin a thread where a European child was asked (nicely by an interested remote family member) whetehr he could read yet to which he answered 'of course not I am only 5'

Could you teach your ds to use a similar answer - it would make her seem even sillier to be stressing over whether a 4 year old can do things, bit like what age they walked, got thier first teeth etc !

If you really cannot be there at 3pm can you enlist the help fo another parent to protect him if the staff are too blinkered to see what this woman is doing, or hire a nanny/childminder for a while to collect him for you and look after him till you get home?

I am not averse to obvioulsy proud parents going a little over the top; I actually prefer those to the quiet ones who take their child's fantastic achievments so lightly, there was one of these at my dc's old school.

Hope you get it sorted, these sorts of competitive parents are a nightmare.

ahhh feel better after reading that!

I thknk she is a troll actually or someobe who has issues of her own. Best left to it...

Ah, thought I remembered that name - nutter!

made my wild hormonal unpleasantries of today sound quite sane!

This one makes her horrific comments on another thread pale into insignificance.

On another thread the OP said she paid lots of money to avoid her children being in the same class as children with SEN. (My academically high achieving son with his bright blue tweenie hearing aids might make her children unclean!)

It really seems ironic that her family are having problems at an expensive school.

My son rough primary has the after school club children go to the dinning room an the other children go to their parents.

really!? she has to be a troll