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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter followed by son - reassurance needed please

66 replies

Heepers · 07/04/2021 20:10

We're expecting our second baby soon and I just assumed it would be a girl (but he's definitely a boy!) I am from a large family of all girls and my first baby was a girl - it's all I know and I'm worried they won't have a close bond or as much laughter and love as I have with my sisters.

Please could any of you share your experiences of girl then boy? The age gap will be 21 months or so.

Please no grief about being disappointed- I'm not proud of it, it's just thrown me a bit.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ColourfulElmerElephant · 07/04/2021 20:13

My daughters and son love each other. They have a wonderful bond that I really hope they always keep. It’s great.

SkittlesRainbow · 07/04/2021 20:15

Family of mostly girls (four sisters and one brother).

I have two kids 21 months apart also, boy and girl.

It's amazing. Everyone wants to experience one of each and it's brilliant to have that. My boy is absolutely delightful and he fills me with more joy than I ever thought imaginable. I was nervous thinking I knew only girls too, but it's really not much different. My son and daughter are best friends due to the close age gap and play wonderfully together (they are 4 and 6 now). They share toys and like similar things. My boy likes learning about how things work and dinosaurs and animals more while my daughter likes dolls and dresses. But it's great they have different interests and it makes it more exciting for us watching what they both get into at different ages!

I hope that you get your head round it in time and be assured that you will love this boy with a your heart. It's crazy to imagine. I am on my third pregnancy and can't imagine how I will love this one as much as my two. Good luck and I hope you enjoy it x

stormelf · 07/04/2021 20:15

I have a boy and girl with 26 months between them. They absolutely love each other, now that my son is able to toddle about and play more (he's 15montys) him and his older sister are so close. They play beautifully with each other.

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rooarsome · 07/04/2021 20:17

My eldest 2 (girl then boy) have 2 years between them and have an incredible bond

AdaFuckingShelby · 07/04/2021 20:17

I have this combination, like you I was a bit about how it would go. I honestly didn't know what you do with boys. But honestly now I am so glad, it's never been a negative issue at all except for not being able to pass clothes down. My two have a brilliant relationship, they're best of friends. Congratulations!! You're in for a treat.

Original poster

Heepers · 07/04/2021 20:18

Thank you everyone, this is really reassuring. I'm not worried I won't love him, I just can't imagine what having a boy will be like so it's really good to read positive stories x

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 07/04/2021 20:20

Going against the grain I have a boy and a girl born a year apart and they barely interact and have very little in common.

margaritasbythesea · 07/04/2021 20:21

I have a two and a half year gap between daughter and son. They have a truly lovely relationship. Lots of fun together even at 13 and 11.

HappyDaysToCome · 07/04/2021 20:23

I have two boys 20 months apart and they hate each other. The sibling relationship is dependent on the temperament of the children not their sex.

I was always thrown by expecting a boy, I was convinced both times it was a girl. I think because it’s hard to imagine your female body making something male! I wasn’t upset, just needed my brain to catch up.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

expectopelargonium · 07/04/2021 20:23

Siblings aren't necessarily going to get on with one another whatever they are.

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 07/04/2021 20:24

My little girl is fabulous with her baby brother. She said that if we had another baby (not planning to) she'd want it to be another boy. He's only young still but adores his big sister and I'm really enjoying having one of each.

MedievalWarrior · 07/04/2021 20:29

I am your daughter OP. My brother is 22 months younger. We were best friends as children and we still see each other most weeks even now we’re in our forties with our own families. It’s a brilliant gap and we didn’t have the same kind of rivalries I saw in my friends with same sex siblings.

Houseworkavoider · 07/04/2021 20:32

I have a Ds and two dds. Large age gap between Ds and dds and they adore each other.
I also know people who have two or three dds and they don’t get on as well as my lot. It’s really luck of the draw.
Congratulations

Hardbackwriter · 07/04/2021 20:36

I have two boys but I am an older sister with a younger brother (there's 3 years between us) and it's lovely. We're different as chalk and cheese and we both think the other one can be incredibly irritating at times, but we're very close - he's one of my favourite people to go for a drink with - and have been since we were little. We both had our own rooms but he used to fall asleep in mine every night because we'd lie talking - this only stopped when my parents insisted because he was too heavy for them to carry back to his own bed! We get on much better than many women I know do with their sisters, so I've never shared the widespread assumption that same-sex siblings will necessarily be closer.

legalseagull · 07/04/2021 20:38

15 months between mine. Girl first. I was so worried I wouldn't have the same connection with a boy - especially as I have a poor history with men including abuse. I was SO wrong. God, I adore my beautiful boy. He's such a little whirlwind. He's two now. There's honestly no difference in the sexes with how they play. They're completely blind to it and play lovely - unless of course one snatches/looks at the others toy, then all hell breaks loose. Congrats OP

itsgettingwierd · 07/04/2021 20:38

I can see why your worried.

But it works itself out.

My mum was 1 of 8. First 6 girls.

First sister to have kids had 4 boys.

Sister no 2,3,4 and 5 all had girls first! (6 remained childless though choice)

The order the kids were born to sisters was

1 1 3 1 2 3 4 5 1 3 4 4 2 1 2 4

Sister 3 had 2 g and then a boy
Sister 2 had 3 girls
Sister 4 had 3G then a boy!

Ok so that was complicated. The point is all the sisters were use to being around sisters mainly and when eldest had a boy they were worried they wouldn't know how to be with boys (especially as sister 1-4 had moved out by the time brothers were born!)

Then because others all had girls first she felt she'd be left out as boys may have different needs and interests.

But in fact it turned out great. The boys loved being outdoors and playing ball games and is girls all got stuck in and the boys became extremely considerate men because they were use to being around so many woman. Their wives are always saying you can tell they were raised alongside a bunch of woman who would challenge them if they were sexist pigs

Ironically the boys all have 2/3 kids now and all of them have had girls

I think what I'm trying to say via my essay is people fear the unknown but these things tend to just become what they are and sort themselves out in the wash.

VenusTiger · 07/04/2021 20:41

Without sounding rude OP, I think you're being silly - you can't foretell their personalities and even same-sex siblings can fall out. He's going to be so close to you, boys tend to do that, mimic their dads and protect their moms - my son is like that. He is very close with his dad, but always wants me in various circumstances - I was the same with my dad though, a proper 'daddy's girl' and still am. My mom says "boys are easier" but hey, we're all different.
Don't make a thing of it for your DD.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 07/04/2021 20:45

My older two have your age gap and are girl then boy. I felt a pang of concern when he arrived as I have such a close bond with my sister. But they absolutely love each other 6.5 and almost 5 now they have spent all of lockdown as a little team. They are quite different in personality (my girl is much more boisterous) but they have a rich shared imaginary world. They fight sometimes but they also share beautifully and look out for each other just like my sister and I did. It is lovely to see.

TheVanguardSix · 07/04/2021 20:51

It's about personality, isn't it? I have boy, girl, boy, and I won't lie, it's tricky but I think that's down to DD's character. I think that even if she'd had a sister, she'd still be a bit irritable with her sibling. In fact, I'm fairly certain about this. People irritate her easily. That's who and how she is.

I have two brothers. I am the youngest. I adore my middle brother, whom I followed, obviously. He is totally, 100% my 'ride or die', my best friend, mainly because he's just such a wonderful person. My eldest brother is a difficult soul so our relationship is problematic. Again, it's all down to character, not the age gap or the fact that he's a bloke.
Try not to fret. It is what it is and it will be what it will be (which is likely a very loving, happy relationship). Congratulations!

SirVixofVixHall · 07/04/2021 20:53

The closest siblings are know are a girl and boy, 20 months between them . They are adults now and still really close.

Hoppinggreen · 07/04/2021 20:59

I had a girl and then a boy 4 years later. She used to mother him and was very good at telling him off when they were both a bit older and he actually used to listen to her!
From around 7 or 8 when the hero worshipping dropped off a bit and he became his own person their relationship changed but he still really looks up to her (and her BF) and is delighted when he’s allowed to join in with their video games etc. They are 16 and 12 now and get on fine, although they do annoy eachother but I think that’s more down to the fact that they have very different personalities. They are at the same school now and have a bit more in common that a couple of years ago
One thing we have found now if that if we go on holidays they won’t share a room so we have to get a 3 bed apartment or villa

TheDaydreamBelievers · 07/04/2021 20:59

My brother is 22 months younger than me and we have always got on great and still do (in our 30s)

MOTU · 07/04/2021 21:00

i have DD 9 (almost 10) and DS 7, they are best friends, they have tons of common interests despite the 2.5 year gap and their love and friendship makes my life a ton easier. i honestly wouldn't have it any other way x

Shinyletsbebadguys · 07/04/2021 21:01

I can only mention our family dynamics (honestly I doubt it has much to do with sex of people and more to do with personalities ). My dsis and I detest each other to a great extent as do both my Cousins wives who have only sisters. Both sets of two boys in the family (mine and aunts ) get on amazingly. The mixed groups are extremely close but do have more separate lives. My Dn and Dne were boy then girl and they have very separate lives but they are also intensely protective and supportive of each other (in fairness both their parents are batshit crazy so I suspect it has more to do with that).

I do think possibly mixed sex have less day to day input in each others lives but honestly two sisters is not an automatic friendship even if their mothers are close to their sisters (My mother and aunt are extremely close ...best friends....my mother cannot understand why dsis and I dislike each other so intensely).
Either way its honestly not a given I would try (I know its easier said than done ) to try and avoid expectations .

For what its worth my two DS are bloody brilliant (and frustrating and loud but their female friends give them a serious run for their money so I don't think it can always be predicted ) . Boys are awesome (I'm sure girls are too but I don't have any so can't comment).

Hoppinggreen · 07/04/2021 21:01

Oh, and my boy is still more cuddly than his sister ever was and he absolutely loves me to bits. I am sure DD does too but he’s much more demonstrative about it .
I have a different relationship with both of them, both very close but in different ways.

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