Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Daughter followed by son - reassurance needed please

66 replies

Heepers · 07/04/2021 20:10

We're expecting our second baby soon and I just assumed it would be a girl (but he's definitely a boy!) I am from a large family of all girls and my first baby was a girl - it's all I know and I'm worried they won't have a close bond or as much laughter and love as I have with my sisters.

Please could any of you share your experiences of girl then boy? The age gap will be 21 months or so.

Please no grief about being disappointed- I'm not proud of it, it's just thrown me a bit.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Spidder · 07/04/2021 21:04

Boy first, girl 2 years later. It's not that they don't get on, they're just like 2 cats who live in the same house. Dd would love to play with ds, but he's always been a bit in his own head, whereas she wants to run around and do stuff outdoors etc. I don't think their sex matters. But I do wonder if they're almost deliberately making themselves different from each other.

c24680 · 07/04/2021 21:06

Feeling like this is more common than you think!

Myself and my friend were in the same position, we've both had our baby boys (in Jan) and couldn't imagine life without them now but when we found out we were a bit upset, we both just expected to have girls again and worried about how we could love a boy after having our girls and if we would struggle bonding with them.

Neither of us did but we've got a great support system; we spoke to our midwife throughout the pregnancy about our fears and our health visitor has been amazing. So please voice your concerns and keeps talking about it.

ColourfulElmerElephant · 07/04/2021 21:09

@SkittlesRainbow

Family of mostly girls (four sisters and one brother).

I have two kids 21 months apart also, boy and girl.

It's amazing. Everyone wants to experience one of each and it's brilliant to have that. My boy is absolutely delightful and he fills me with more joy than I ever thought imaginable. I was nervous thinking I knew only girls too, but it's really not much different. My son and daughter are best friends due to the close age gap and play wonderfully together (they are 4 and 6 now). They share toys and like similar things. My boy likes learning about how things work and dinosaurs and animals more while my daughter likes dolls and dresses. But it's great they have different interests and it makes it more exciting for us watching what they both get into at different ages!

I hope that you get your head round it in time and be assured that you will love this boy with a your heart. It's crazy to imagine. I am on my third pregnancy and can't imagine how I will love this one as much as my two. Good luck and I hope you enjoy it x

Are you sure everyone wants to experience one of each?

What difference does it make having a child of the opposite sex? My DD1 and DS1 are almost the same child in looks, interests, and temperament whereas DD2 is the complete opposite in all ways. I genuinely don’t see what the sex of the child has to do with it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

ConnieDobbs · 07/04/2021 21:13

I have one of each and they get on well together. Girl followed by a boy 3 years later.

birdglasspen · 07/04/2021 21:13

I had a twin brother, it was great, it will be what you make it (to some extent!) Boys and girls can quite happily play with each others toys and enjoy each other's company!

birdglasspen · 07/04/2021 21:14

...and fight like dog and cat :-O :-D

Ladymouse · 07/04/2021 21:14

I had a boy then a girl (2 years apart) absolutely can't stand each other. Then same girl and 3rd dc was a boy (11months between) they are best friends and are never apart and then 4th (boy) 5th (girl) 18months apart and also inseparable. My eldest always said he would of loved to have been an only child as he loves his own company (that was until lockdown and seemed to love all his brothers and sisters now😁).

bloodywhitecat · 07/04/2021 21:16

Mine are adults now, my daughter is the older of the two by 20 months and their bond is incredibly close even though they live a good distance from each other. She was very much his protector as he was bullied through school as he was 'different' (undiagnosed ASD).

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 07/04/2021 21:21

I have a girl and a boy with 2.5 years between them. My youngest is fast approaching a year old so obviously it’s very early days for us, but my DD adores her little brother and I absolutely love having a son, he’s just perfect (I’m biased but he really is). I had always imagined having two girls, but now can’t imagine not having my little boy. There’s really no difference between baby boys and girls.

I have a brother and we played together a lot growing up. We drifted apart when uni happened and he moved away, but now he’s back living locally to me and we see a lot of each other, we’re very close to him and his girlfriend. My DH has two sisters and they are all very close also. It really is down to personality, and even if they aren’t super close when they’re young, that doesn’t mean they won’t be good friends as they get older.

Worldwide2 · 07/04/2021 21:27

I have one of each and I absolutely love it. My dd loves and dotes on her brother, they love playing together and I love the dynamic of having a girl and boy. Congratulations 💙

LittleBearPad · 07/04/2021 21:29

I have one of each, DD is older. I do remember being a bit perplexed as to what I was going to do with a boy. I barely knew any growing up.

He’s awesome and for the most part has a lovely relationship with his sister. Don’t worry it will be fine - but I get where you’re coming from.

LittleBearPad · 07/04/2021 21:30

However when he’s in the early years of primary school you may find yourself learning a lot about superheroes 🤯🤣

Aprilshowersandhail · 07/04/2021 21:33

I had a dd then 6 x ds's. Prepared to be pee-d on a lot!!

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 07/04/2021 21:33

I always had a pre-baby preference for girls. I got two along with two boys. But it's one of the boys who melts my heart. Love them all the same but they all are individuals, not genders.

idontlikealdi · 07/04/2021 21:35

18 months between me and my sister - we have never really got along. We're very different people. Siblings often don't get on regardless of boy or girl.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 07/04/2021 21:39

I have a boy and a girl and they are great friends and rarely if ever argue.

ServeTheServants · 07/04/2021 21:49

I have an older daughter and a son born 16 months later; they are inseparable, and have the same sense of humour as each other, so laugh constantly. They are always, always together. It’s actually got to a point where I’m worried that they’re too reliant on each other as my son, in particular, doesn’t want to do anything unless he’s with his sister 🤦‍♀️

Gem176 · 07/04/2021 21:51

@Heepers there are 23 months between me and my little brother. I've always adored my baby brother, there are times I've wanted to strangle him but I think that's just typical sibling bickering 🤷🏻‍♀️ saying that I'd have lynched anyone else who laid a finger on him. Do I ever wish I had a sister instead? I can honestly say I don't. I have friends who have sisters who they aren't particularly close to and I'd go as far as to say there is jealousy between. We are now in the 30ish age bracket and while probably not close as in seeing each other regularly (he lives a few hundred miles away) we are close in terms of our sense of humour and I genuinely enjoy having a catch up with him. He's one of my favourite people. I'd like to think he would say I've been a good big sister who has always been there for him through some of the tougher parts of his life but knowing the cheeky wee bugger he'd say I'm awful just to wind me up 😂
Our personalities compliment each other, we are very different. As children I was outgoing and he was very shy. As adults he's the joker of the pack, Peter Pan who has yet to grow up whereas I'm a bit more mature/sensible/serious.
Luck of the draw really but I think the norm is to love your siblings.

DarkMatterA2Z · 07/04/2021 22:34

Purely anecdotal, but a friend from baby classes had a baby girl while I had a baby boy. She was always looking on amused as I chased my toddler boy through the park, trying to intercept him before he launched himself into the pond. Fast-forward a couple of years and she now has a little boy who she says is the double of mine in temperament (and speed!). We were chatting and she said she finally understood why I was so strict on bedtimes while she used to let her daughter stay up fairly late...She's absolutely exhausted by 7pm now and just wants the little one safe in his cot!

I only have the one but he's fantastic... high energy yes, but also brave, resilient, a real explorer, doesn't really moan and always up for new challenges. But we know lots of girls who are like that too, so these qualities are gender-specific.

One benefit from having one of each is getting a much better idea of how societal expectations differ for girls and boys. We tend to expect girls to be "girly" (even if we don't admit it) and sometimes discourage excessive physicality and rough play, even though this is good for children within limits. Having one of each may help with parenting in a more gender-neutral way that avoids pigeon-holing either child. So if your DD does ballet, for example, your DS might give it a go whereas you might not have considered it with just boys.

DarkMatterA2Z · 07/04/2021 22:35

Sorry, these qualities aren't gender-specific.

Bringonspring · 07/04/2021 22:38

My boy and girl love each other and get on very much, expect to be wholly disappointed with your boys milestones in those early years compared with your girls though

Tiggerdig · 07/04/2021 22:39

I’m close in age to my brother but we never got on as children and barely see each other now. It’s the same for my closest friends. I always imagined I’d be closer to a sister. But then I also know people who hate their sisters so really it comes down to personality not sex.

OldScrappyAndHungry · 07/04/2021 22:42

@LittleBearPad I have two boys and neither have shown the slightest interest in superheroes ever and they’re in secondary school .

The gender stereotypes on these threads always amuse me - especially from parents who, having one of each, think they can extrapolate all sorts of “boys are like this and girls are like that” bullshit.

Having been a primary teacher for many years I can assure you it’s mostly crap.

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 07/04/2021 22:43

I love it! Mine are 15 months apart and my boy has adored his big sister since he was small and they're still the best of friends (late Primary age). They do everything together.

bluebluezoo · 07/04/2021 22:50

I just can't imagine what having a boy will be like so it's really good to read positive stories

It’s like having a baby of any sex. This baby will be no different to your first, except it has a penis.

He will still need food, love, clean clothes, and sleep.

Then personality will develop, and it will be your child who likes cars, painting, bikes, dancing, animals, green, fart jokes. Again the penis makes no difference.

It’s the was society treats boys and girls that makes them so different. And you are buying into that stereotyping by expecting a boy to be so different to a girl you won’t know what to do with him.

Flip

1 2 3